Top Moments: Death Becomes The Bachelor and J. Lo Cries Us a River

Our top moments of the week:

11. Best Party: It may be her first house party, but Rachel Berry impresses her fellow glee clubbers — and, most importantly, "Blaine Warbler." In a drunken bid to prove to Finn she's not a "needy girl drunk," Rachel kisses the same-sex-oriented Blaine during a game of Spin the Bottle. And this being Glee, the two express their affection with a charged-up duet cover of Human League's "Don't You Want Me."
10. Music to Our Ears Award: While packing up to return the karaoke machine he got for tone-deaf Gloria on Modern Family, Jay decides to give the ol' thing a whirl himself. Unlike Gloria's aural torment, Jay (or rather Ed O'Neill) turns out to have a pretty fantastic voice as he croons a delightful version of "Danny Boy." Who knew? Too bad Manny, er, pulls the plug.
9. Best Perspective: There are some things bigger than winning $1 million. On The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business, eight of the 11 teams score tickets on the first flight to Sydney, but they promptly lose their 90-minute lead when a civilian has a heart attack and forces the plane to briefly land in Honolulu. "The most important thing is that the person is OK," Big Easy says.
8. Most Unbelievable Denial: NeNe Leakes got thisclose to hitting Kim Zolciak on the bus ride from hell, but the Real Housewife of Atlanta never hits below the belt. Just ask her. "I will hit when you hit, but I hate that I have to stoop to a trash level to get my point across," she says on Part 2 of the show's reunion. We can't wait to see how that claim holds up on Celebrity Apprentice when NeNe takes on Star Jones.

7. Most Meta, Part I: Castle is never shy about dropping Firefly shout-outs in honor of leading man Nathan Fillion, no matter how blatant (see: last season's Halloween episode) or subtle (see: this week's). After nabbing two "incredibly hard-to-get spots" at the spiritual retreat Oasis of Serenity, Martha tries to convince her son to let Alexis join her. "What is that?" Castle inquires. Martha: "You haven't heard of the Serenity?" a clever reference to the vessel Fillion piloted on the cult sci-fi series.
6. Best Future News: Say it ain't... Zoey! On How I Met Your Mother, we get official confirmation of what we've suspected all season: Jennifer Morrison's oft-irritating Zoey is not the mother. "That did not end well," Future Ted tells Wendy the Waitress in 2021 of the relationship he and the activist started two weeks ago. The downside: We're back at Square 1 in the search for el madre.  The upside: Ted will be married with two kids in just 10 years... and we can't wait to see his and Zoey's spectacular break-up.
5. Sneakiest Thievery: A cook and a crook? On Top Chef: All-Stars, Mike breaks "chef law" when he presents chicken "oysters" (the skin that connects the thigh of the chicken to the body) in oyster shells for the Quickfire after being "inspired" by Richard's drawing of the concept earlier in the day. "That's my dish," Richard says, accusing Mike of culinary plagiarism. Adding insult to injury: Mike wins the Quickfire and $5,000. Next time, Richard, keep your secret idea book to yourself.

4. Most Meta, Part II: When Bart's short film, Angry Dad, is nominated for a Golden Globe and an Oscar, The Simpsons takes the opportunity to slam animated films and awards shows (minus Ricky Gervais, who looks really good yellow). There's a too-talkative Halle Berry and instead of Toy Story's "You've Got a Friend in Me," Randy Newman croons "You've Got an Enemy." When Bart wins the Academy Award, he asks why only one person gets credit for an entire film. Because you "can't give an Oscar to everyone," Martin Scorsese, of all people, says.

3. Deadliest Date: Giving "'til death do us part" a whole new meaning, Shawntel takes Bachelor Brad to her place of work on their hometown date: her family-owned funeral home. While Shawntel clearly has a passion for her job, she doesn't exactly make a good case for a rose when she forces a freaked-out Brad to get on the embalming table and flashes a device called the aneurysm hook. He later eliminates her, confirming what we all knew: A funeral home is not the place to keep romance alive.
2. Worst Collateral Damage: When Gaby, Max's behavioral aide on Parenthood, resigns after a tryst with Crosby, Adam loses it when Crosby calls her a "babysitter." "Get it through your thick skull," he shouts at his irresponsible bro, "your nephew has Asperger's!" Suddenly, the camera pans to the staircase, where a confused Max stands. "I have Asperger's? What is Asperger's?"
1. Most Heart-Wrenching Goodbye: Jennifer Lopez is finally forced to make a tough decision on American Idol when she sends home fan favorite Chris Medina. She tells him he's had good and bad moments, but he hasn't made it into the top 24. Chris handles the elimination gracefully, but we can't say the same for J. Lo. After Medina leaves the stage, she breaks down crying, concerned that she didn't tell him in the right way. "I don't want to do this anymore," she says. Who's going to tell her about the 23 other eliminations before the finale?

What were your top TV moments of the week?