colin.schoenberger

May 16, 2007: A Letter to the Significant Others

Dear P.J., Mercii and Jared,Take a lesson from Corey and get out now! If you havent dumped these f***-ups after seeing this episode, then you deserve them. Thats all Im going to say. "Now lets get f***-ed up and drink some beer!"I think this episode set the gay community back about 20 years, or at least it showed that the average person isnt as enlightened as I might have thought they were. Colie and Jenn just lying there and watching Davis and his guy having sex? Why were the guys OK with letting them do that? Its not some freak show. (I know Ive said this before, but it was even worse this time.) And just because the girls have never seen it before, they get to treat the gay guys like some strange exhibit? And then Colie has the nerve to say, Ugh. Lets go do something heterosexual. I thought if anyone would be open-minded about sex, it would be Colie and her big sack of horny desperation, but I guess not. But thanks to Co...

Thu, May 17, 2007

May 8, 2007: Colie Loves to Bangkok!

Hey! Its Colie! Shes incredibly hungover and her hair looks disgusting, and she probably smells bad! Yay! First Brooke thinks Colies too crazy, now Jenn thinks Colies too skanky  she is not looking good.I thought this was a really fun episode, minus the Brooke freak-outs. I know I always defend her, but Im really getting sick of those. If I were her friend, I have to say, Id want to smack her on this trip, or I would just try to ditch her whenever possible. I think the other roommates making fun of Davis for being whipped was going too far, though. So, Bangkok freaked out Brooke, but she couldnt have been happier once they all arrived at their beach resort. She even got drunk to the point where she couldnt stop screaming and at least ran next to the path of fire, or whatever. Tyrie and Davis kind of faded into the background this episode: We didnt get to see Tyrie almost getting into a fight, as he described, nor did we get...

Thu, May 10, 2007

May 2, 2007: Colie Sheds Her Clutch

Sorry for the late post! I've been in transit.Ooh so Colie has bizarre-o abandonment issues. Thats why shes such a skank. Its all coming together for me now; I knew something was up with that girl. You dont just tell a guy at a bar that youre good at b---jobs and not have some sort of emotional deficiency. Well, at least I think so. And you know Colies got serious problems when Brooke is looking at her like shes crazy. What a messed up cast.So the group finally gets back from Outward Bound, and I could not be happier that bull s--- is over. Colie had gone home early because she was sick  again. Strep throat this time? Why is Colie always sick? I honestly think its just for attention, and we all know how much she craves that. Alex then walks around in a stupid bandanna, calls Colie dude and tells her she missed out on some serious fake-therapy love-ins around the camp fire. She seems to have moved on.Then Colie g...

Fri, May 4, 2007

April 25, 2007: Don't Be Like Brooke, Girls!

I should probably keep my mouth shut about Outward Bound... I feel so mean. But I tend to agree with Brookes initial attitude toward it that it seems a little silly to be taking it so seriously. I can appreciate a love of the outdoors, of pushing yourself physically, but I really dont see why rappelling down a mountain is so life-changing.OK, OK. Thats because Ive never done it. But I just dont get it, and I guess thats why I find these episodes so boring. Ive never missed Colies slutty escapades more than this week!Or maybe I hate this episode because... (I bet you can guess why!) I hate Camp Counselor Chris! I want him to fall off the mountain. Am I the only one who feels that way?Well, anyway, maybe Im just less inclined to let this sort of thing go since I hate these episodes so much, but where were Tyrie and Alex during the hike? Why were Stephen and Brooke left alone? And where was Brooke during the boys hike? Hmmm......

Thu, Apr 26, 2007

April 18, 2007: Jenn, Gradually, Comes Clean

You know what, Davis? Remember when you felt the need to prove yourself after all of your roommates thought you were a racist psychopath? Remember? I remember. Youd think youd be a little bit nicer to everyone. Oh, but wait. I forgot you are never aware of your actions or what comes out of your mouth or why anyone would ever take offense to you. I forgot it just never registers. You dont understand why Brooke would be mad at you when you say she's not very pretty and has a double chin; you dont understand why Jenn would be mad at you for telling her boyfriend whom you dont know about the times she cheated on him. Hmmm. How do you ever have friends at all, Davis? You are so emotionally f-ed up and disconnected. Must have been all of those years being in the closet and being told you were going to burn in hell for something you couldnt control. But Ive had enough of it, whatever it is. Go back to your identical-twin boyfriend.Ugh! I just wish ...

Thu, Apr 19, 2007

April 11, 2007: Could I Ever Love a Double Chin?

So I know I have a lot of problems with Stephen, Jenn and especially with Colie, but this episode really put my issues with them into perspective. That group of horny, idiot drunks has never just... baffled me in the way that Brooke and Davis do. With the majority, at least, I can understand what theyre thinking, even if what theyre thinking is stupid. With the two actual nut-jobs of the house, I really have no idea what is going on in their heads  and I would be afraid to ever find out. Colie and Jenn actually impressed me in this episode. At least they have some grasp on basic social interaction, of how to speak to people  which isnt true for Davis at all. It was really nice of Colie to comfort Brooke, or at least let Brooke vent to her, and I mean really vent, considering Brooke called Colie a "f------ bitch" to her face. Colie didnt need to do it, but it shows that she has some common sense and common courtesy when it comes to dealing with oth...

Thu, Apr 12, 2007

April 4, 2007: Lesser of Many Evils

Oh, great. Another Outward Bound-centric episode. I hate these! Worst. Job idea. Ever. At least Creepy Counselor Chris airtime was minimal. So the hike begins and it seems all the stress the cast underwent to prepare these kids for this life-changing experience was all for nothing, as the New Orleanians consistently say things like this during the hike: F--- this. The kids also seem to turn suicidal as they refuse to come out of freezing water despite Creepy Camp Counselor Chris yelling that they are going to get hypothermia. (P.S. This made me feel not quite as bad for CariDee during Americas Next Top Model....) In the end, though, the kids seem to be moved by the whole trip. Or maybe they are just so physically spent and relieved that the nightmare is over that they break down into tears at the drop of a hat? Thats what I think, but hey, I hate the wilderness. I just dont agree with Colie that climbing this mountain will change...

Thu, Apr 5, 2007

March 28, 2007: Scrounging for Drama

Not that I'm really against it, but when did everyone jump on the I-hate-Stephen bandwagon? Hey, I was hating Stephen before it was cool. MTV really seemed to be portraying him as a villian in this episode more than ever before  and honestly, his behavior this episode didn't offend me as much as the horrible things that have come out of his mouth in the past have, during which the show's editing portrayed him as a much more positive and well liked presence in the house. I had no idea until now that Colie and Stephen didn't like each other. I also had no idea that Jenn and Stephen's making up after their Mercii fight didn't really fix their relationship. But now Stephen's the one with all the drama surrounding him, MTV tells us. OK.So, I guess he had a bad attitude about Outward Bound. I didn't realize quite how bad, though, until that comment at the very end about being happy to see people he actually cared about, unlike anyone in Colorado. Whoa.... So don't get me wrong, Step...

Thu, Mar 29, 2007

March 21, 2007: Just Take It Down, Guys

Well, this episode was pretty anticlimactic, huh? After all that build up, everyones kind of just back where they were a few episodes ago. Jenns gone back to being a skank  well, gone back to not caring about being a skank  and Tyrie and Jazalle are back together. The only real change is that Tyrie now has an arrest on his record and clearly regrets coming on the show. In my opinion, hes come out looking the best of anyone on the cast so far, even though I think he went too far with Jazalle, and the arm grabbing was not OK. But she was really overreacting, I think, and I was never worried about her safety  everyone was just drunk. Maybe I would feel differently if I had Tyries  I dont even know how much he must weigh  build screaming at me and grabbing me. But he didn't come off as a future wife-beater to me. But like I said, I cant blame him for worrying about his reputation and his future after having his behavior i...

Thu, Mar 22, 2007

Which Top Designer Should Have Designs on Winning?

"See ya later, decorator!" It may sound corny, but when interior designers on Bravo's Top Design (Wednesdays at 10 pm/ET) hear Jonathan Adler utter that dreaded line, they know it's time to pack their paint swatches and leave. Over the last seven weeks, Adler and his team of take-no-prisoners tastemakers have whittled 12 hopefuls down to a minimalist five. Here's a look at the ambitious finalists who are still hoping to ace the ultimate DIY test. GOIL AMORNVIVAT, age 33Job: Teacher, Parsons School of Design Style: UltramodernFavorite room color: A combo of off-whites Why the judges always heart him: "I think they liked that I'm a problem solver. Todd [Oldham] would give us a proble

Wed, Mar 21, 2007

Which Top Designer Should Have Designs on Winning?

March 14, 2007: How Far They've Come

This episode really took it out of me, and that "To Be Continued"  now I feel even more overwhelmed. Well, to help me get things straight, Ill make a time line of whats happened with Jenn and Tyrie so far. Tell me if I have this right.Jenn comes to the Real World house and immediately has sex with another cast member, Alex. She regrets her decision because of her new friendship with Colie. Later, Jenn still feels like crap about hooking up with Alex and decides to insult him and interview about how he disgusts her. Jenn and Alex get drunk in the middle of the day and have sex again and take a shower together. Jenn doesnt seem to feel as bad this time.Jenn suddenly remembers she has a boyfriend, Jared, and is hysterical. She says she cant lose Jared. She tells Jared she got drunk and had sex with Alex once and got caught up in a moment. Jared makes Jenn feel bad because he hasnt hooked up with anyone. Jenns sister tells Jenn hes made ou...

Thu, Mar 15, 2007

March 7, 2007: No Means No

OK, guys, I'm getting ready to defend Brooke and bash Davis (standard fare, right?), so look away if you must. But I love Brooke! And I'm sick of seeing people mess with her, because she doesn't deserve it.And Davis is just so weird — even P.J. seems to think so. Why in the world were they rolling around naked, asking Brooke to join in? It was strange that Brooke was watching and calling Jenn over like it was some sort of freak sideshow to see two guys kissing, but the fact that they were, or at least Davis was, trying to call attention to themselves just makes their relationship seem kind of odd and gross to me. At least Brooke had a sense of humor about it — it helps diffuse the weirdness of Davis' constant advances on her in general. But still, I wish he would just leave her alone.And so the whole conflict between Brooke and Davis — well, it was really more Davis' problem since Brooke made it clear she didn't know why he was mad at her — stemmed from Davis...

Thu, Mar 8, 2007

February 28, 2007: All's Unfair in Love and War

So all of my dreams of seeing Colie get repeatedly shot down came true. Seriously, I hope the slut finally gets it through her head that her policy with men isn't going to pay off, because I actually started to feel a little bad for her this episode. She's just so pathetic. Don't worry; I still think she's a big bitch in a stupid bun.But anyway, she thankfully observed that, to use her own words, Alex will make out with anyone. I don't think she put it together that includes her though, since the moment her tearful goodbye with Corey ended, she was back to her old tricks: getting drunk, trying and failing to get Alex's attention, getting drunker, then literally throwing herself at him. (Not to mention violating and forcing her life story onto that poor girl who didn't know her in the hot tub.) But it looked like Alex, by the end, was really putting his foot down and Colie was getting the message. At least for the moment.I also hope she takes Tyrie's advice to heart (which she won't)...

Fri, Mar 2, 2007

February 21, 2007: Bad Time to Visit

This episode... was so good. Theres almost too much to talk about, but I'll try. First off, can you imagine being Alexs poor friend Brett? He really picked the worst time for him/best time for us to visit. He had to listen to Colie drunkenly whine about her boyfriend, then an hour later he had to see Colie sitting on Alex's lap begging him to have sex with her, followed the next day by lunch with Colie and her boyfriend as they made out across the table. Fun! Then, of course, he was there for the Brooke freak out (which Ill get to in a second), then he had to watch Jenn and Alex make out next to him at the bar (which Ill also get to in a second). Id actually feel much worse for him if it didnt look like he was trying to hook up with Colie that night at the bar. I was freaking out  I really thought they were going to on that walk home together (and why did they start running?). I certainly couldnt put it past Colie.OK, so these are the ...

Thu, Feb 22, 2007

February 14, 2007: Straight to Hell

I still havent forgotten that Davis is a freak show. I dont care that he was drunk; I dont care that hes sorry. I just cant get over it. So needless to say, I wasnt really looking forward to this Davis-heavy episode.For those of you who didnt see his and Tyries drunken fight, I actually dont think I can describe how disturbing and scary-crazy Davis was. (I know I call Colie and Jenn crazy a lot, but this was actually crazy.) I was so disappointed when he didnt go home. I hate him, and I just never have fun watching him. He has two personalities: the shrieking, racist psycho and the beige, soft-spoken country-club boy. He just sucks. And, of course, the other star of this episode, Stephen, sucks, too.Could Stephen and Davis be any more awkward together? I have trouble believing that it's their idea to hang out as often as they do (I certainly dont think it was their idea to go on a double date), and I really dont...

Thu, Feb 15, 2007

February 7, 2007: I'm Not Jealous, I'm Nauseous

Colie... Oh, Colie. You outdid yourself this time. But I have to say, at least you're predictable. Alex, you confused me in new and different ways this episode, and neither of you came out looking great. Im not sure which one looked like the bigger freak, though, so lets review.So, this girl that Alex brings home and has sex with, Stacy, uses that oh-so-painful Paris Hilton baby voice and doesnt seem to have a whole lot going on in the personality department. She's also a little thicky-thick, which is cool, but I had to agree with Colie in her immature bitchiness that the tube-top dress was not a good decision. So, Colie: 0, Alex: -1.But seriously, that night Colie was acting like such a loser, I have to wonder if MTV regretted casting her. (How could I say such a thing?) I loved that at least the drunkies completely missed her stupid, Oh, Alex, some girls called for you comment, and I really wanted to smack some self-respect into this girl when she was...

Thu, Feb 8, 2007

January 31, 2007: Not Their Natural Habitat

Im thinking more and more that this whole... outdoorsy-taking-away-from-valuable-drinking-time thing was not a good choice as a job to force upon a typical Real World cast. Really, what comes to mind when you think about the kinds of people Bunim-Murray casts to be on this show? Not really the wilderness type, and certainly not the camp-counselor Chris type (whom I still really hate for some reason. I guess its the voice). The people who are on Real World, the people who are supposed to be on Real World, are incredibly opinionated, ultra-outgoing, horny alcoholics. This cast is no exception, so I really dont know why MTV thought making them go on nature hikes would work or be at all entertaining. Chris was right in his concern for these peoples health: They may look pretty, but their actual level of physical health probably warrants a stint at rehab. Im not surprised that they cant handle physically challenging situations that dont involve d...

Thu, Feb 1, 2007

Bravo's Designers Give NYC Subway an Express Makeover

The folks at Top Design (premiering Wednesday at 11 pm/ET) kicked off the start of Bravo's newest reality show with a serious challenge — redecorating the New York City subway system. To celebrate the premiere, interior design mogul and Top Design judge Jonathan Adler transformed a 42nd Street platform into a stylish living room complete with a flat screen TV and plug-ins for iPods. "If a New York subway stop can look a whole lot better than my living room, then they must be doing something right," Bravo president Lauren Zalaznick said at the Jan. 29 event. "Or else I'm doing something really wrong with my living room." What Project Runway and Top Chef did for fashionistas an

Tue, Jan 30, 2007

Bravo's Designers Give NYC Subway an Express Makeover

January 24, 2007: It Wants What It Wants

Gather round children, and I will tell you a tale about a faraway place full of fantasy and adventure. Join me, wont you, in the land of Colies Vagina; its a magical place where dreams come true and anything is possible! But dont lose your way. The heavy self-delusion and obnoxious neediness in the air have trapped many a brave adventurer in the past. Now that were here, though, Im confident one day, MTV will take us out right?Our story begins with Colies boyfriend Corey, whos been mysteriously invisible up until now. But dont be fooled! He was here all along. Shhh he still doesnt know Colie had sex with her new cast mate on national television less than 48 hours after they entered into their open relationship, nor that Colies calling her new crush Adam immediately after hanging up the phone with Corey.Oh! Look over there. Its Alex, with whom Colie still shamelessly flirts, even tho...

Thu, Jan 25, 2007

January 17, 2007: To Alcohol, the Cause of and Solution to....

Sometimes I feel hung over from just watching this season. Seriously, can anyone remember the last time this cast was sober? And these alchies are falling into the same pattern again and again. How many times are we going to see two housemates (one usually being Jenn) get incredibly wasted, start insulting and screaming at each other for no apparent reason, and then make up the next morning because neither of them can really remember what happened? First with Davis and Tyrie (which I still havent gotten over), then with Jenn and Tyrie. And now Jenn and Stephen and Jenn and Alex. Well, just like Ive never forgiven Davis for what he said when he was drunk, I dont think Im getting over what Alex said in this episode anytime soon. He is actually a horrible person! Telling Stephen not to think of Jenn as a person but as a fragile thing to hurt in any way he can seriously creeped me out. And even weirder, when Alex is apparently (I can never tell) drunk...

Thu, Jan 18, 2007

January 10, 2006 Girls Gone Wild

First off, I just want to say that since the Outward Bound job started, there have been way too many vagina references on this show. I still cant concentrate on anything Colie says ever since she warned the entire car that her vagina was going to get really hairy over the course of the trip and that everyone was just going to have to deal with it. And since most of the drama centered on Brookes tad too-public attempt to wipe her vagina with a wet nap, I think Im ready for an episode that focuses more on the male cast members wilderness experiences. OK, so obviously Colie really did get mono, but I had to wonder how severe of a case it really was once she made amazing strides in her lengthy recovery the moment she spotted hottie Outward Bound instructor, Adam. Wouldnt you know it? That debilitating fatigue seems to be letting up! I dont know. I just think Colie is so attention-hungry, especially toward Alex (she made sure to let him know about her ...

Thu, Jan 18, 2007