January 10, 2006 Girls Gone Wild

First off, I just want to say that since the Outward Bound job started, there have been way too many vagina references on this show. I still can't concentrate on anything Colie says ever since she warned the entire car that her vagina was going to get really hairy over the course of the trip and that everyone was just going to have to deal with it. And since most of the drama centered on Brooke's tad too-public attempt to wipe her vagina with a wet nap, I think I'm ready for an episode that focuses more on the male cast members' wilderness experiences.
OK, so obviously Colie really did get mono, but I had to wonder how severe of a case it really was once she made amazing strides in her lengthy recovery the moment she spotted hottie Outward Bound instructor, Adam. Wouldn't you know it? That debilitating fatigue seems to be letting up! I don't know. I just think Colie is so attention-hungry, especially toward Alex (she made sure to let him know about her plans with Adam) that I can't take her or anything that happens to her seriouslyever. Also, what was with her heinous and unexplained makeover during some of her confessionals? Did anyone else double take at her raccoon tan and trashy new ringlets?
Well, anyway, Colie, along with making out, seems to have a hobby of using incredibly transparent euphemisms (like how she only had "sleepovers" with Alex), as she said enjoyed a lovely evening of "cuddling" and "great conversation" with Adam. OK, sure, Colie. But I will give her that MTV allowed her to sugarcoat her antics because they didn't have anything on camera. Did we really need to have all the camera guys on the hike so we could see Brooke freaking out from every angle about Pooping 101: How to Crap in the Woods while we're missing skank-tastic Colie probably banging her future co-worker? Get on the stick, Real World! You should know by now to keep at least one camera on that girl at all times!
But, ohhmy girl, Brooke. I don't know how she kept it together at all this episode (especially since the MTV crew probably had to put her on suicide watch when she couldn't find a nail salon). Maybe it's because I'm not the most outdoors-y type either, or that I'm still haunted by P.E. class memories of dangling from a chin-up bar, but was I the only one who felt for poor, prim and proper Brooke stuck in the wilderness? I had to agree with her when she asked, "What kind of job makes you poop in the woods?" and I really think that creepy-voiced, camp counselor Chris had it out for her ever since she refused to repel down that mountain. Why wouldn't he leave her alone? Those booty shorts Brooke was wearing may technically have been underwear, but they looked like any bathing suit bottom to me, and is Chris saying a female counselor could never be seen in a bathing suit in front of a camper? Also, he already pulled Brooke aside to let her know just how wildly offensive wiping her vagina too close to camp was (and P.S. I believe Brooke when she said she would know better than to do something like that when kids were there), so he didn't need to call everyone into a lame pow-wow to discuss the principles of decency and respect for Outward Bound.
And Brooke really only lost her cool once this episode (which is pretty good for her when you think about it), when Alex allegedly snapped at her for not helping him do the dishes. OK, again, MTV, what are you doing? Why couldn't we have heard this comment ourselves? Don't edit the juiciest fights! We only have Alex's probably self-serving account of what he said to Brooke to go on, then we just jump straight into her screaming and him cowering and apologizing.
In general, I'm not really sure what to make of Alex; he seems like the sanest one in the house thus far, but I feel like MTV's holding something back about his interactions with the girls. It still seems like there's a big chunk of the conversation missing between him and Jenn about their completely consensual (sorry, Jenn) drunken encounter. Well, maybe that argument was so nonsensical, I feel like I must be missing a piece of the puzzle when I'm actually not.
Anyway, what was with Alex's bizarre pep-talk to Brooke at the end of the episode? Maybe Alex has been spending too much time with camp counselor Chris, because I don't know where he got off giving Brooke life lessons about how she's wasting her potential and waking up every day inside a bubble. I have to say, though, Alex's impression of Brooke ("Ahm waitin' on yooou") was pretty hilarious.