Our top moments of the week:
11. Worst Liar: Jerry Bruckheimer's new heist show Take the Money & Run rewards criminal masterminding: Hide a case containing $100,000 and if the cops can't find it within 48 hours while you're being interrogated, the dough is yours. How hard can it be, right? Apparently very hard for Paul. With 15 hours to go, Paul folds like a cheap tent — with tears in his eyes, natch — and confesses where he and his brother, Raul, hid the suitcase because he couldn't handle the interrogators getting all up in his personal space and messing with his head in a cold cell any longer. Uh, does he not understand that this is not real? You're not actually in jail, dude! And you just cost you and your brother $100,000! Kudos to Raul for not losing it afterward... on camera at least.
10. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back Award: Evan musters up the courage to propose to Paige on Royal Pains. The good news? She is beside herself with joy! The bad news? She immediately asks Evan when he asked her dad for his blessing, only to learn Evan never did — so she forces Evan to get permission first. That's one way to kill the mood!
9. Best Battle Cry: Ari Gold snaps — big time — on Entourage when his estranged wife storms into his office to tell him to butt out of her personal life and reveals to him that she's not, in fact, dating a waiter at Bobby Flay's restaurant, but Bobby Flay himself! Ari interrupts a staff meeting to officially declare war against the jovial Food Network personality (or "fire crotch," as he calls him). "Bobby Flay is my sworn enemy, which means he is yours!" Should we get this heated rivalry for here or to go?
8. Saddest Train Wreck: After Tim "The Kinetic King" Fort spends 36 hours setting up "the biggest gadget I've ever done in my life" — a domino-like design of Popsicle sticks, ping-pong balls and plastic cups — on America's Got Talent, it all proves, painfully, to be for naught. A chain reaction fails to ignite — multiple times — and The Kinetic King is left scrambling around the stage and forced to endure further ridicule from the judges. "On a scale of 1 to 20 million, that was hovering around the minus-1 mark, wasn't it?" Piers Morgan says. "If you're gonna blunder, blunder big," The Kinetic King replies.
7. Best Road Not Taken: Anyone tuning in to The Glee Project knows that Cameron has been struggling to get into character (aka make out with his female competition) since Day 1. But when the soft-spoken Christian says he's quitting, Glee co-creator Ryan Murphy does his best to change his mind, telling him that he's already been inspired to write a Christian character for him and to "trust" him. Cameron leaves anyway, and considering the recent will-they-or-won't-they-leave-the-show drama, we think it's for the best.
6. Best Use of Excessive Force: After sharing a few come-hither looks and sultry stare-downs over Egyptian artifacts with Neal on White Collar, Raquel (guest star Eliza Dushku) is taken into custody by the FBI after trying to shoot down a burned associate. However, Raquel knows to take care of unfinished business before she gets locked up and gives Neal a steamy goodbye gift: a kiss in front of Peter, Diana and Jones. No need for a conjugal visit here!
5. Watch Your Mouth Award: The Jamisons deal with another "C" word on The Big C when Cathy and Paul discover they have crabs — thanks to Adam hitting their sheets with a hooker. After a tense war of words, their increasingly hostile son owns up to giving the whole family the STD and tells Cathy to stop meddling in his life. "You brought a disease into our home that we're now all forced to deal with," she says. He snaps: "Yeah, well, now you know how it feels." Yes, Adam, because that's the same thing.
4. Pandora's Box Award: On Breaking Bad, Hank gets what may be the impetus to speed up his recovery when his cop buddy drops off a notebook detailing plans for a crystal meth super-lab — Gale's "Lab Notes." After initially dismissing it and not making the connection between it and Heisenberg (aka Walt), he finally flips through the notebook at the end, leading him even closer to Walt and Jesse. Now what is Hank going to do with his new info? Presumably — and hopefully — he will get back on the case and will put the pieces together, especially if he devotes as much time to it as he does his rocks — sorry, "minerals."
3. Best Comeback: Congress may have squabbled long and hard over the debt ceiling bill, but one thing managed to bring everyone together: the return of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. The Arizona congresswoman, who was shot in the head in January, made a surprise, emotional and triumphant appearance at the House on Monday to cast her vote on the bill and was lovingly received by her colleagues. There were waves, hugs and kisses exchanged as the floor gave her a long standing ovation in a moving display of bipartisan affection we haven't seen in months. See, we all can get along.
2. Worst Breakup: On The Bachelorette finale, Ashley and J.P. get their happy ending (despite Ashley's sister/extreme couponer bluntly telling J.P. she didn't think he was the one). But before that romantic proposal could go down, she has to dump Ben — which would have been fine had she done it before he poured his heart out and popped the question himself. "I'm sorry," she finally mumbles, ensuring him public humiliation for the rest of his life. Trying to soften the blow, Ashley tells a visibly and understandably irate Ben that he's a great a guy and attempts to explain how she led him on to this point. Ben, wisely, however, has none of it: "What I don't need you to do is sugarcoat it. You can't leave something like this on good terms. It's not possible. Good things don't end unless they end badly." So... Ben for the next Bachelor?
1. Take Two Award: Remarking on the longevity of guest Jason Bateman's career on Late Night, Jimmy Fallon brings up the actor's '80s classic (or a lowlight, as Bateman dubs it) Teen Wolf Too and shows a clip in which Bateman's Todd uses his powers to force his school registrar to change his classes (who wouldn't?). After Bateman laments that he could perform the scene so much better now, Fallon makes that a reality and re-creates the scene, playing the registrar — wig, glasses and all. "You look like an aged rerun," Bateman deadpans. Mileage may vary on which scene is better, but you cannot deny that Bateman still looks hot in a shearling denim jacket.
What were your top moments?