Thunder in Paradise 3 Reviews

Clumping about in a repackaging of his syndicated TV show about an impregnable boat, Hulk Hogan fits the charisma-less sink-hole of a Dolph Lundgren into the ox-like container of a Stallone, registering like an extra playing a club bouncer on "Melrose Place." When DEA agent Harris (Joe Candelora) appeals to Skipper R.J. "Hurricane" Spencer (Hulk Hogan) and his sidekick, Bru (Chris Lemmon), for help, they speed down to a remote island and take drug lord Santiago (Chris Lemmon) into custody right from under the nose of his second-in-command, Lee (Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa). In retaliation, Lee kidnaps Spence's daughter, Jessica (Ashley Gorrell), her schoolmates, and family friend "Legs" Kelly (Carol Alt). Self-serving Harris refuses to comply with Lee's demand for Santiago's release in exchange for not blowing up the school where he is holding the girls hostage, so Spence and Bru infiltrate the academy's booby-trapped premises via a drainpipe. Once inside, they knock several of Lee's minions out of commission but are forced to retreat. Ostensibly agreeing to break their honor code by springing Santiago from jail, the good guys actually dupe Lee with Bru's impersonation of the narcotics king. Leaving orders to eliminate the assembled kidnap victims, Lee flees with the impostor-Santiago aboard the Thunder boat, at which point both the puzzled Feds and Lee soon realize that Bru is merely a great pretender. As Bru locks horns with Lee, Spence incapacitates low-lifes back at the school and rescues Jessica. Felled by Bru, Lee is destined for a jail stretch. Due to Lee's planted explosives (which blow up after Spence and Jessica exit), and to property insurance, the academy is guaranteed a new edifice. THUNDER IN PARADISE 3 is marginally better than its straight-to-video predecessor because its imbecility takes a back seat to boisterous action. Wisely, TIP3 showcases its super-ship, which is better equipped for adventure than its captains are for acting. Slowing down the course of the flick's villain-rousting is a lame subplot with Kelly warning a young girl about the drug perils of the modeling profession. As if this weren't excess baggage enough for a kid-flick, the film must also contend with the simpering performance of Buster Brown-lookalike Gorrell as the Hulkster's daughter and by the over-the-top caricaturing of Lemmon in his role as a Castro-like master criminal. While the film scrupulously avoids profanity and excessive violence, it lingers lovingly and endlessly on those thong bikinis on the beach. Condemning substance abuse, the film trots out interchangeable cuties posing suggestively, all in the name of wholesome entertainment. It's the kind of auto-erotic aid Jesse Helms might share with his grandsons sans a troubled conscience. Morality obviously is never meant to embrace the depersonalization of women as beach bunnies. (Violence.)