Modern Vampires Reviews

Vampires are reimagined as swanky necro-trash trolling Los Angeles in this bloody, comic horror picture from an irreverent script by Matthew Bright. Dallas (Casper Van Dien) is back in L.A. after several years' absence. He's welcomed back by the old crowd, including married pals Panthea and Richard (Natalya Andreychenko and Craig Ferguson), suave Vincent (Udo Kier) and predatory Ulrika (Kim Cattrall), but warned that the Count (Robert Pastorelli) — who runs West Coast vampire society — is holding a grudge over the unspecified transgression that drove Dallas out in the first place. He's also fuming about a feral vampire (Natasha Gregson Wagner) who lures her victims by masquerading as a hooker. The papers are full of reports of the "Hollywood slasher," and the Count wants her off the streets before someone realizes she's more than a serial killer. There's also the ongoing problem of Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (Rod Steiger), the vampires' nemesis; he's going thorough a patch, reduced to recruiting gangbangers as his associates, but the undead know better than to count him out. Van Helsing is also nursing a grudge against Dallas, and Dallas knows more about the slasher than he at first lets on — her name is Nico and Dallas made her into a vampire. He abandoned Nico to her own devices, but plans to make up for his negligence whether the Count likes it or not. The film's plot is secondary to Bright's witty dialogue and the brittle interplay between the vampires. Wagner and Van Dien are the cast's weak links, but Cattrall, Ferguson and Kier more than make up for their deficiencies, and Steiger's performance is inspired lunacy. The sight of the Oscar-winner driving around a vanload of pot-smoking vampire Crips almost defies description. Director Richard Elfman is the brother of composer Danny Elfman, who supplies the film's jaunty theme music.