Brainsmasher...A Love Story Reviews

As the title might suggest, BRAINSMASHER--A LOVE STORY is not a particularly subtle comedy. But the film starring Andrew Dice Clay as a bouncer who battles a murderous band of Shaolin monks doesn't take itself all that seriously, which is good advice for anyone planning to watch it. Supermodel Samantha Crains (Teri Hatcher) gets a package containing a red lotus flower from her botanist sister that has to be delivered to Portland. She makes the delivery and finds her sister has been captured by Shaolin Monks who want the flower because they believe it holds "the key to the ultimate power." The sisters escape and split up, agreeing to meet the next day. Samantha runs into a nightclub where Ed Malloy (Clay) lives up to his nickname, The Brainsmasher, by working as a bouncer. Samantha gets by Malloy, but he catches up with her and scoffs at her explanation for running into the club. When the kung fu fighting monks pursue them, her predicament comes clear. Samantha hires the ultra macho Malloy to be her bodyguard. With the monks in hot pursuit, the odd couple fight them off, lose them for a while and then fight them off again. And again. Gradually, Samantha and Malloy grow closer. So when Malloy is captured by the monks after a protracted battle in a go-go bar, Samantha is worried. She meets up with her sister and they agree to exchange the flower for Malloy. When the monk leader gobbles down what he thinks is the vaunted flower, he's in for a nasty surprise. It's not the lotus, but a poisonous plant substituted by the botanist. With the real flower in safe hands, Samantha declares her love for the brawny bouncer. BRAINSMASHER will leave Clay fans hoping for a film filled with foul-mouthed nursery rhymes disappointed. But Clay brings his dumbheaded macho schtick along for the silly ride, and that, when played against Teri Hatcher's amusingly liberated character--she's "a model who can read"--offers the film's best moments. Aside from that one faintly humorous idea of the dumb bouncer and the smart model, there's not many laughs here, unless you consider endless chase scenes funny. (Violence, profanity.)