Bikini Summer 2 Reviews

While one does not approach something called BIKINI SUMMER 2 with serious hopes of encountering the ghost of Ernst Lubitsch, this misbegotten "sequel" disappoints even the most modest expectations. Ironically, while it is totally inappropriate for young children, few mature adults will tolerate more than a few minutes of this cheerfully awful sex comedy. "Yeah I'm ditching school and I'm heading out for the beach! Yeah there's something there my teachers just can't teach!" After a musical montage of bikini-clad beauties relaxing at the beach, Joshua (Robert Miano), a good-natured homeless person, spends $62 worth of change at a southern California liquor store. Joshua may be down and out in Malibu but he has many positive qualities; he's a sensitive, eloquent singer-songwriter. Moreover, he's devoted to Noreen, a former schoolteacher whom fate has made his companion on the road. They have their quarrels but they deeply care for each other. Their relationship is far healthier than that of Harry and Marilyn Wetherspoon (Richard Arbolino and Jessica Hahn), who live in a large luxurious home complete with pool, servants and a chauffeured limosine but lacking in love. A successful real-estate developer, Harry claims to live only for work though he finds time to fool around with their buxom Latina maid. Furthermore, his work at the office consists primarily of sado-masochistic meetings with his mistress, Clarice (Avalon Anders). Frustrated by his lack of sexual attention, Marilyn contents herself with boxes of chocolate and frenzied telephone orders to a local home shopping network which is hosted by lusty TV personality Stu Stocker (Jeff Conaway). The unhappy couple has two fun-loving daughters, the sweet and generous 18-year-old Bridget (Maureen Flaherty), and her older dumber sister, Vanessa (Melinda Armstrong), who lives for the beach and her creature comforts. Other household members include William (Brian Cassidy), Harry's driver and Bridget's clandestine lover, and Mark, the vain, obsessive bodybuilder whose presence is never adequately explained. The minimal plot is set in motion when William, rushing his boss to work, accidentally hits Joshua with the family limo. They carry the dazed homeless man inside, and Bridget befriends Joshua, cleans him up and takes him out in the limo to find Noreen. The girls persuade their cranky father--with the threat of a lawsuit--to allow the homeless couple to stay for a few weeks. Joshua utilizes this opportunity to sing a few songs and look for work while the girls take Noreen on a credit-card shopping spree. They decide to throw a poolside barbecue which is crashed by the local homeless community. Harry arrives, blows up and tosses everyone out. The girls also leave in solidarity with their new friends. They come up with a plot to regain their father's respect, help the homeless and become entrepreneurs in the process with an abandoned restaurant (owned by their father in simpler, happier times), local talent and a fortuitous financial windfall. All problems are resolved as the gang puts on a show. Though neither funny nor sexy, BIKINI SUMMER 2 strains to suggest a raunchy cartoon come to life. However, it also bears a family resemblance to more innocent screen beach romps of the past such as the harmless series of "Beach Party" movies produced by American International Pictures in the early 1960s. Ineptly conceived and heavy-handed in execution, the modern variant is less funny, more cruel and more vulgar. Much of the film's alleged humor derives from watching the sexual humiliation and torture of the father at the hands of Mistress Clarice and a mysterious hooded woman called the Executioner. If one took these scenes seriously, they would be appalling. One assumes these are intended for those who find the mere notion of a dominatrix unspeakably amusing. An unfortunate stab at displaying a social conscience contributes to this film's failure as even dumb entertainment. Yet, there is no sincere concern about any real-life issues expressed here. Joshua has simply opted out of the rat race, his homelessness being a moral choice, and he even has a substantial nest egg socked away. The message here is that the homeless are fine folk as long as they are actually lovable artistic eccentrics. To add insult to injury, Robert Miano and Michelle Conway are fairly touching as the homeless couple. BIKINI SUMMER 2 reveals its true colors with its suspect representation of race, which begins subtly during the opening montage of exclusively white beach beauties cavorting. Most of the few males shown in this credit sequence are sleekly muscular Black men, engaged in such picturesque physical feats as stunt skateboarding, dancing and breakdancing on and off roller skates. The few white men we see are gawky and awkward--some even collapse with sexual excitement. What are we to make of this? As there are no Black male characters in the story proper, we can only assume that the intent is pure titillation of racial sexual fears and stereotypes. BIKINI SUMMER 2 features several broad ethnic caricatures including a promiscuous Latina maid, a grossly obese Black female cook and a homely asexual Japanese handyman. Harmless entertainment? First time director (and original story contributor) Jeff Conaway is best known to TV viewers as Bobby Wheeler, the struggling actor/cabbie on the classic sitcom "Taxi." Still striving gamely, he approches the role of Stu Stocker with the zest of Joel Grey playing the Master of Ceremonies in CABARET. It is a sad spectacle to see a former member of the beloved "Taxi" ensemble so debased. At least his TV "infomercials" allow him to maintain some dignity. Finally, BIKINI SUMMER 2 is touted as the feature acting debut of Jessica Hahn, a pseudo-celebrity by-product of some hazily remembered sex scandal with a public figure. Upon sober reflection, our advice to Miss Hahn: "Don't give up those late night infomercials, girl!" (Violence, profanity, nudity, sexual situations.)