Traci Lords "Boared" to Death!

Traci Elizabeth Lords, a party dress and a crossbow — that's really all we needed to hear to know that we'd be tuning in to Sci Fi's adaptation of James Axler's post-apocalyptic best-seller, Deathlands: Homeward Bound (Saturday at 9 pm/ET). But the actress, a veteran of such far-out fare as Blade and The Tommyknockers, offers TV Guide Online a few other compelling reasons to watch. For instance:

1. Her character, the deliciously avaricious Lady Rachel Cawdor, is more than just another wicked witch. "She's not really bad, she's just drawn that way," snickers the blonde bombshell, who also played villainesses on Profiler and Melrose Place. "She really believes that she is the ultimate queen of the deathlands and that her husband [and stepson] Harvey is a nitwit. She's got a bit of a Napoleon complex, I think, and she's sure that Harvey is ruling her empire terribly wrong. She's also a bit out of her mind." But hey, nobody's perfect.

2. There's a perfectly logical explanation for Lady Rachel's fancy-schmancy costumes. You see, after Armageddon, getting all dolled up becomes an even deadlier pursuit than selecting eveningwear among the gladrag-grabbing gold diggers of Joe Millionaire. "Rachel and Harvey pretty much had their henchmen loot all of the museums and take all of the frocks and fabulous jewels, so Rachel is the only one who has [ball gowns and baubles]," Lords theorizes, then adds with a haughty laugh, "As it should be!"

3. This may be your only chance to see her armed to the teeth and dressed to nines — well, at the same time, anyway. Although Deathlands is a series of novels, this first TV-movie closes the book on Lords's conniving counterpart. "Both Rachel and Harvey get fed to their [own royal] boars at the end," she reveals, "so unless they're somehow resurrected, I don't think we're going to turn up again!" Bummer. Where's that damn crossbow when you need it?