The late-night newlywed revealed his rationale in the way he knows best — via his Top 10 list, of course.
Click here to watch the funnyman read his reasons aloud during Tuesday's show (or read them below if the boss frowns on video play at work).
Top 10 Reasons Dave Got Married
10. Poconos offers newlyweds free room with champagne-glass Jacuzzi
9. If I'm gonna catch Larry King, I'd better get going
8. Still drunk from St. Patty's, dude!
7. She needed a green card
6. When you're my age and look like I do, if someone says they'll marry you, you do it
5. Don't have to listen to any more crap from that quack Dr. Phil
4. I finally fit into my dream dress!
3. Free cake
2. Got tired of waiting for Paris Hilton
1. Figured at the least we'd get a mediocre Top Ten out of it
Personally, we're all over number three, but tell us which reason made you chuckle below.