Attack of the Hotel She-Hulk

Now that Toni has been sent packing from Paradise Hotel, we see little point in checking out Monday's installment (airing at 9 pm/ET on Fox), much less Wednesday's episode or any one thereafter. After all, watching the temperamental Terminatrix kiss up to and mouth off at the reality sexcapade's comparably puny menfolk was half the fun. But, of course, like all of the show's guests, we are lying through our teeth; we wouldn't miss a minute of this summer's guiltiest pleasure. (Go, Charla! Go!) Here, TV Guide Online gives the alumna of Love Cruise a chance to tell a few more fibs of her own.

TV Guide Online: So, Toni, I don't want to tick you off or anything, but have you ever given any thought to getting some anger-management therapy?
Toni: Nah. I don't need to. I don't think I have an anger problem in any way, shape or form. Plus, any of my friends would tell you that I am by far the most honest and caring person they know.

TVGO: They're probably just scared. But whatever. Are we really supposed to believe that you martyred yourself to save Amy's butt and weren't just saving face after Holly chose to bunk with your crush, Scott?
Toni: No, I did it for Amy. It had to go down like that. No one was willing to sacrifice themselves for Amy, and I made a promise to [her bed bud] Zack that I was going to do it, and I kept my word. I would take a bullet for Amy. That girl is my sister, and I love her.

TVGO: You mentioned that repeatedly on the show, yet you stood by while Zack verbally abused her with every other word out of his mouth. What's up with that?
Toni: Zack's fights with Amy were off in an area that I didn't know about, and what you guys don't get to see was the making up. Amy and Zack are the only two [Hotel guests] who have true feelings for each other. By the time he left, they had the most unbelievable bond that you would ever see. I mean, Zack is dying without Amy. He's totally in love with her.

TVGO: Eesh. So, um, looking back, do you see where you might have come off as a big ol' hypocrite, you know, attacking your peers for pulling exactly the same kinds of sneaky stunts that you were?
Toni: Well, when the game started to play, I was like, "I'm an idiot if I don't do some of this stuff."

TVGO: And ripping Beau a new you-know-what for telling you to shut up when shut and up were the two most frequently-used words in your vocabulary?
Toni: I don't know how it was taken out [in editing] because I haven't seen anything — my roommate could only tape so much, God bless her — but it was mostly in fun. We made a big joke out of it.

TVGO: Lemme tell ya, it didn't come off like a joke.
Toni: I'm sure. But trust me, it was mostly joking. Unless it was toward Dave. Then I was like, "Seriously — shut up." He's a lot to handle.

TVGO: Coming from you, that's really saying something.

(If you've been shocked before by Toni, just wait until Monday. In part two of TVGO's exclusive interview with the spotlight-loving reality-TV mainstay, she reveals her future plans. Trust us — you have to read it to believe it!)