Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe Reviews

A more accurate title would be ABRAXAS: GUARDIAN OF THORNBURY, ONTARIO, because the intergalactic mayhem seldom oversteps the border of that one snowy town. The budget apparently ran out with the purchase of a book of science fiction terminology, as Abraxas (Jesse Ventura) is introduced as a Finder, a brawny 11,856-year-old alien cop in a drab uniform who fights epic (unseen) battles against crime throughout the vast (unshown) universe. His archenemy is Secundus (Sven Ole-Thorsen), once a fellow Finder, now a power-crazed renegade who beams to Earth and, with just a touch, impregnates innocent bystander Sonia Murray (Marjorie Bransfield). Minutes afterwards she bears a child, a Comator with awesome destructive capabilities Secundus plans to harness someday, even as he's teleported away to (never seen) space prison. Five years later Secundus makes a daring escape (not depicted), stealing an arsenal of fiendish weapons (not shown--and destroyed off screen) before returning to Earth. Abraxas is sent after him, and the combatants battle one another repeatedly. In quiet moments, Abraxas befriends Sonia and her mute boy Tommy (Francis Mitchell), TERMINATOR 2 fashion. Tommy's a nice, normal kid despite his cataclysmic potential, and it's unclear exactly how Secundus can obtain the awesome "anti-life equation" from him, but that's just what the villain tries to do. Abraxas manages to finish him off first in a knockabout finale that looks like a World Wrestling Federation bout. Astonishingly free of sex, swearing and splatter, ABRAXAS is silly backwater tomfoolery, with considerable deadpan humor and a few action flourishes lent by writer/director/supporting actor Damian Lee. Abraxas, Secundus and Sonia all take turns narrating the story, a simple but disarming way of moving things along. The effective apologia for gravel-throated Ventura's limited acting skills is he's part cyborg, and well-matched in that department with the stonefaced Ole-Thorsen, sporting a requisite Schwarzenegger accent. The whole fracas takes place around Christmas, making some sort of point about that virgin birth best left unexamined. Perhaps the only unpardonable thing about ABRAXAS: GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE is its alleged budget of $2 million (not shown). So much money could only be explained if over half of it went to Jim Belushi for his funny cameo as Tommy's clueless school principal. (Violence.)