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SNL Says What Everyone's Thinking About the Jeff Bezos Battle Right Now

No lies detected

Amanda Bell

Saturday Night Live's newest cold open finally addressed the d-pic in the room and poked fun at the media's roundabout coverage of it.

For the unfamiliar, last week, Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos released a bombshell blog post detailing his claim that The National Enquirer was trying to blackmail him, with a threat to release more embarrassing text messages about his alleged extramarital affair, including a photo of his nethers, unless he made a public statement that their original exposé was not politically motivated.

Network coverage of the news has been broad, often focusing on the potential legal ramifications of this charge for the magazine's parent company and its CEO David Pecker, whose non-prosecution agreement with the Special Counsel may be jeopardized. However, in SNL's faux segment of Meet the Press, Kyle Mooney donned a goatee as host Chuck Todd and dropped all pretense to discuss the possibility that this publication will publicize the private parts of the richest man in the world.

"You're all highly respected journalists," NotTodd told his panelists, "So, when all is said and done, what do you think Jeff Bezos' penis will look like?"

Cecily Strong's version of Peggy Noonan, for one, was happy to jump in with some speculation, saying, "When I hear billionaire's penis, I immediately think small potatoes. Like they say, 'If it's small and looks funny, you better have the money, honey.'"

Meanwhile, Kenan Thompson's Eugene Robinson was also willing to engage, saying, "As a journalist, this is not something I ever thought I'd have to cover, but as a human being, I'm actually curious."

The segment also extended SNL's tradition of gender-flipping Trump administration portrayals, with Kate McKinnon reprising her role as Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross and Aidy Bryant stepping into depict embattled acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker. They, too, had some below-the-belt thoughts about the Bezos news because when an item with this much of a salacious underpinning comes to light, it's hard to focus on the tangible issues at hand.

It's basically the pee pee tape-slash-dossier situation all over again -- only this time, it's the media's acrobatic efforts to avoid discussing the dirtiest details and focus on the materiality of the story that's a bit humorous.

Saturday Night Live airs Saturdays at 11:30/10:30c on NBC.

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