Paris Hilton by Gary Gershoff/ Paris Hilton by Gary Gershoff/

Although the World Entertainment News Network's website (and then the Associated Press) reported that ex-con Paris Hilton had become so worried about the plight of drunken elephants in India that she declared, "We need to stop making alcohol available to them," she didn't really say that, according to her publicist. Presumably, what the Simple Lifer actually exclaimed was, "First round's on me, Dumbo. Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" - Ben Katner