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Bachelor in Paradise: All Men Are Bad Except Grocery Joe

In this grocery store we stan Joe

Liam Mathews

Tuesday's Bachelor in Paradise picked up right where Monday's episode left off, with Gallant Grocery Joe rescuing Kendall from Goofus Leo. Grocery Joe, being a good man, came over and said "you guys done?" and extricated Kendall from the conversation. They went off and Kendall was talking a mile a minute in frustration, and Joe got her to calm down. They started making out. It wasn't shown, but I hope he let her talk some more about Leo once she calmed down a little bit.

Jenna and Benoit got in a fight about Jenna choosing Jordan over him, and Benoit raised his voice. Then Jordan made it about himself and went over to give Benoit a very stern talking to. Wells said Benoit didn't yell at Jenna. C'mon, Wells. Don't let Benoit off so easy.

Then Jordan pulled out one of his insane Jordan metaphors and started talking about how he didn't want Benoit's French fingers going through his briefcase. That briefcase is closed, bro. It was very funny, and Colton, unencumbered from drama, jumped and asked what would be in his briefcase. Colton's got a sense of humor! Look at that!

Benoit quickly moved on to Chelsea, who is probably a better fit for him than Jenna anyway. She's from Maine and he's from Montreal, which is geographically close, at least.

Eric got a date card, and he opted to take Angela, who he's been seeing all through Paradise. We haven't seen much of them, because they're pretty normal, I think. This is the first time a couple other than Colton and Tia has gotten a date card this season. Colton and Tia got two. Erica and Angela's date was very luxurious and romantic. They went to a hotel with a golden toilet. They drank champagne and wore robes. And then they got an ENORMOUS ice cream sundae, my god. This is a date I would like. And then they got a cheese plate, because one of Eric's catchphrases is "you gotta move with the cheese." I might have to do an interview with him to find out what that's about. I guess it has something to do with the business book from the '90s Who Moved My Cheese? They felt like their relationship moved to the next level during the date. But we know from the previews that someone will arrive and put their relationship to the test.

Chris thought it would be fun for fitness instructor Krystal to teach him yoga. "You want me to work?" she said, genuinely unenthused. They did a little yoga, but Chris isn't very bendy. He was very sweaty, though.

Wait, John's still here? I thought he left when he broke up with Jubilee? I guess John stayed. He wants to see if there's something between him and Kendall, and he talked to her on a day bed with his hand on her knee. And then he kissed her and KENDALL KISSED HIM BACK! Kendall, what are you doing? She immediately got upset and went and told Grocery Joe what happened. Kendall, you wylin. Twitter is so mad at you right now.

But then they worked it out and made their relationship official. All right! But then Leo, bitter in his confessional, predicted that Kendall was going to break Grocery Joe's heart and insinuated that he was going to burn Paradise to the ground. During the cocktail party, he gave a very rude "toast" about how everyone was full of s---. Everyone was like "bye, time for you to go," and then as he was leaving he called Joe "Grocery Store Bitch." Joe followed him and said "you wanna say that to my face?" Grocery Joe is like a third of the size of Leo, but he got in his face. Leo, quietly, said "Grocery Store Bitch." Leo threw a drink. I couldn't tell who threw the first shove, though. I'll have to watch closer on Hulu later. Here's an incredible slo-mo replay of a very special moment, though.

"Get out of here, Tarzan, we don't need your drama," Tia said in her confessional. Tia and Colton are cool when they don't have drama going on. "We have plenty of our own." Astrid is so shady and real. She's been one of Paradise's great revelations. Kendall likes that Grocery Joe stood up for her and made her feel safe. I didn't think Kendall would be into dudes physically fighting over her, but Grocery Joe's still a good guy.

Chelsea had three suitors: John, Connor and Benoit. And even David made a plea for Chelsea to keep him, as a friend. Tia observed that Connor is a "douchebag" who orders his tequila soda in a champagne flute. He also unbuttons his shirt to his navel.

Then it was time for the rose ceremony. Krystal slipped a little bit back into her crazy voice while giving Chris her rose. Chelsea wasn't really into anyone, and was bummed out that everyone was coupled up except her. So she picked John because she was not into him the least. Benoit had a meltdown over Chelsea not picking him. Benoit only put his eye on Chelsea earlier that day. It was a lot. To be fair, he did get dumped twice in four days. There's no way that doesn't hurt. But still. Dial it down a little, homie.

And then some TOTAL RANDOS showed up. Olivia from Arie's season was first. She got sent home the first night! She never even got put in any promos. Just a total stranger arriving when there's only one single guy, Venmo John. This is terrible. She got sent home the first night and now she's going to last one day again. Wow. She took John on the date, because there were no other options. But they didn't have no chemistry, so let's see. Their date was walking into a quinceñera and everyone staring at them. They crashed a party! It was very weird.

Then Cassandra from Juan Pablo's season who was also on Bachelor in Paradise back in 1996. Everyone was dazzled by her beauty despite having no idea who she was. She asked out Eric and he said yes, which was a shock to Angela, who thought she and Eric were solid.

Eric told Angela that he knows that yesterday he told Angela that he doesn't want to date anyone else, and then today he changed his mind when he woke up. Not a very nice move from Nice Guy Eric. Kinda disingenuous. She thought they were all in because he said they were all in. The other girls were SHOOK. Even if Eric comes back and wants to be with Angela, it's not going to work now. He had a nice thing going and he blew it!

I would choose Angela. Cassandra kisses her son on the lips.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c.