The best part of this episode of Bachelor in Paradise was the lack of Colton and Tia. We finally moved away from that tedious storyline and got to spend some time with some of the other deluded ding-dongs, who didn't disappoint.
The episode started with the Benoit-Jordan-Jenna love triangle. Benoit said that Jordan was trying to "put a stick in [his] wheel" over Benoit stealing Jenna away from him. Jordan and Grocery Joe commiserated over the women they "love" being interested in other guys, but it was worse for Jordan, because he could see Jenna and Benoit making out from where he was sitting.
Meanwhile, Chris and Krystal are a thing. I can't even look at Chris anymore.
Then Connor from Becca's season of The Bachelorette showed up very late in the game. Connor is best known for throwing a framed photo in the pool. He had his eye on Krystal, who said he was her type. Krystal remains the hottest commodity in Paradise, something that anyone who watched her on Arie's season would find improbable. But she's had a good redemption arc. It seems like all the other women like her.
Chris was getting nervous watching Krystal and Connor chat. Krystal told Connor that she came to Paradise hoping to meet him, but that she had nice relationship with Chris. But she really likes Chris, and she told the goose that she told Connor to talk to other girls.
But then! Connor was like "actually, I only want to go out with you," and she was like "well, OK." The real Krystal is back, baby! She acted normal for 30 minutes and then went back to doing her selfish hippie thing where she just has to follow the vibes or whatever. It's on! Chris is gonna melt down over this.
Connor and Krystal's date was at La Playa de los Muertos, where a shaman buried them and they started howling like wolves and stuff. He carried her into the ocean and they made out. She seems more attracted to him than she does to Chris. Which is how we all feel, isn't it?
Jordan went to Jenna and professed his true feelings, and Jenna was like "OK." They made out. She went to talk to Benoit, and they made out. Jenna doesn't know what she's doing. Jordan saw them, and he was totally lost. He even cried. Poor guy. He called Benoit aside to talk to him, and Benoit didn't want to talk. "I just basically dragged my d--- across Benoit's baguette and shoved it down his throat," Jordan said. It was an exaggeration. Benoit kinda won that round by aggressively not engaging.
Elsewhere, Kenny felt bad about missing his daughter's dance recital, so he had to go. Weird! He would have known that she had a recital before he went, right? Yes! Something's a little fishy here, Kenny. Why did you come in the first place? This is now the second time he's left because he missed his daughter.
Connor and Krystal got back and Chris pulled her aside and wanted to know where he and Krystal were at. She was with Connor. She didn't want to talk and put it off until tomorrow. Chris held it together abnormally well for him.
Whoa, Venmo John broke up with Jubilee and they both left and the show yada yada'd it? That's crazy. And then Kamil, the "60/40 guy" from the first night of Becca's season showed up. He pulled Annaliese, who had been dumped by Kenny the the night before, and Annaliese was very into him. There was a fake out where it seemed like Kamil might connect with Krystal, but he ended up taking Annaliese. On their date he wore a tank top that showed off his enormous muscles. Annaliese drove a dune buggy over a scary bridge, which seems like a big jump for someone who had a panic attack when she was in a bumper car on The Bachelor a few months ago.
Kevin wanted Astrid to go on a date with another guy because he wanted to... feel competitive? Wanted her to miss him? Astrid said she didn't know how to process something that made no sense. Astrid is probably too good for Kevin. Most of the women are too good for the guys. Kevin opened up about relationships not working out twice, first on The Bachelorette Canada and then with Ashley I., to whom he was engaged. I guess he felt compelled to sabotage his relationship because it was going well? Kevin said he goes to therapy twice a week to talk about this stuff. I guess because he hasn't been going he's getting kinda crazy? They worked it out. Seems like they just needed a little drama injection to their too-easy storyline.
Jenna said she wasn't trying to think about the situation, which I could have told you. Jenna isn't much of a thinker. They went off to talk by themselves, and Jordan said he's looking for someone to marry, and if she's not the one, he's going to leave. Jenna threw sand on him. "You're not meant for anybody else," Jordan told her. It was like watching two first graders imitate grown-ups.
But Jenna finally made a decision. She wants Jordan. Benoit was pretty confused and upset. He threw a football into the ocean to externalize his pain. It was very silly.
Let's check in with Kendall and Grocery Joe and Leo! Kendall "craves" Leo, but Leo is kissing other girls and not being up front with Kendall about it. Then Kevin let it slip. He thought she already knew. But Kendall should know. Kendall was upset and confronted Leo about it. Kendall said the fact that he was secretive about it made her feel like he was a cheater. It was a big red flag to her, so she dumped him. Good for her. And so Leo was mad at whoever snitched on him and started acting really weird about it. "A snitch needs to be put in his place," he said. Leo Corleone over here.
Kevin went to tell Leo what happened. Kevin was like, "I thought she already knew." And Leo was like, "Why do you think Kendall needs to know?" And it escalated. They started yelling at each other. Kevin felt like Leo should have told Kendall what was going and Leo disagreed. Leo copped to being irrational, but he was being very irrational. But Kevin came off great.
Kendall and Leo talked, and Kendall said that everybody knew Leo kissed Chelsea except her. That's a death sentence right there. She's done with him. And then Leo called her a "phenomenal actress" and acted super condescendingly. What a bad guy! Then Grocery Joe come over and said "you guys done?"
Tomorrow there's gonna be a big fight between Grocery Joe and Leo. It's probably going to be the best moment of the season.
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.