8 Simple Rules Drat! Somehow,...

8 Simple Rules Drat! Somehow, I thought David Spade had been cast into the TV abyss when NBC canceled Just Shoot Me. Now here he is, playing Cousin CJ — who's just like JSM's Dennis Finch, except he's scraggly, unshaven and dressed like a sloppy slacker. So Spade basically looks the way he does off camera. Scary, but true. I know, 'cause I see him around Los Angeles all the time. You'd be surprised how many of your fave stars leave the house lookin' like trash when they're not working. Not that Spade's one of my faves. He's peddling the same sleaze-with-a-heart-of-gold shtick on 8 Simple that he was in JSM, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star and... everything else he's ever done. Are you as over it as I am? I'm also getting over 8 Simple's revolving door of B-listers since John Ritter's passing. Sorry, but a TV series with too many guest stars is like a woman wearing too many accessories: She looks very insecure.

The Simple Life Reunion Double drat! I thought Leeza Gibbons had been cast into the TV abyss when NBC canceled Leeza, her old daytime talk show. Now here she is, interviewing Paris and Nicole. Isn't it annoying when generic hosts are brought in to emcee reality TV reunion shows? It's like Bryant Gumbel doing Survivor reunions or Julie Chen talking to the Big Brother housemates. I hate it!

That said, the precocious little Braxton stole the show again with his adorable antics. For his sake, I hope the Leding family doesn't end up pimping him out as a child star on some sitcom. By the way, was anyone else uncomfortable when Leeza asked Justin if he ever got his three-way with Paris and Nicole? Not only were Justin's parents sitting right there, so was Braxton. Yikes! I can just imagine this mouthy kid on the car ride home: "Mama, what's a three-way?"

According to Jim Cheryl (Courtney Thorne-Smith) is absolutely right: Stray hair on the soap is a major problem in a marriage! Yuck, yuck, yuck. I'm single, and I don't even like to find my own hair on the soap.

America's Next Top Model The Garden of Eden photo shoot is full of sex and catty drama! Just what you want from Top Model. Nigel Barker is indeed "a very hot photographer," as Heather pointed out. (He also turns out to be one of the judges! Cute surprise there.) Oh, and the Adams — those nude male models who posed with the Eves — were definitely born to inspire sinful thoughts.

Let's talk about Jenascia, the tearful model with the silly name. Her alarm clock didn't go off — possibly due to a rival's tampering — which made her late for the photo shoot. This paranoid diva kept me laughing, complaining about "those bitches" and vowing revenge. Considering all the airtime she got, you knew there was no way the judges would vote her off. The ouster of Anna — who wouldn't pose nude because her private parts "are just for my husband" — was so predictable. Reality shows always throw a modest, religious one in the bunch, apparently to make morality look uncool. But hasn't Anna ever opened a fashion magazine? What's she doing in a supermodeling contest if she wants to keep her body covered up?

24 Wow! The conclusion of Chase's hostage ordeal was rough to watch. The guy gets beaten mercilessly, shot in the hand and soaked in gasoline. Ugh! Thank goodness Hector Salazar's luscious girlfriend, Claudia, intervened to help him. But just when we think his suffering is over, Chase cauterizes his wounded hand with a hot poker. Ouch! Worse yet, Claudia gets gunned down while they're escaping from Hector in the pickup truck. Boy, 24 just loves to pour the suffering on thick. How else to explain Jack having to make nice with nasty Nina? I don't want them to kiss!

FrasierJulia Sweeney's back as that whiny nerd chick, Ann, who's still crushing on Frasier. She's kinda funny, but somehow, her voice stresses me out even more than Chase's torture on 24. Meanwhile, Jane Leeves as Daphne has fabulous hair, as always.

Line of Fire Neil — the closeted gay cop who bashes "faggots" — is just like Julien on FX's The Shield. From his shame-induced rages, right down to his sympathetic female partner who's urging him to come out. Guess we can add Shield to the list of other crime shows Line of Fire takes its inspiration from. I miss NYPD Blue on Tuesday nights. Seems weird to hear these new cops letting loose with the expletives instead of our Sipowicz. This is his time slot, and I wanna hear him do the cussing, gosh dang it.

By the way, I spotted that oh-so-conveniently placed ad featuring Leslie Bibb in ABC's upcoming InStyle Celebrity Weddings special. Um, no offense to her, but Line of Fire isn't exactly a hit. Her only other noteworthy gig is the WB's short-lived comedy, Popular. Thus, most of America doesn't even know who she is yet. So how does Bibb qualify as a "celebrity"?