Threesome Reviews

A collegiate version of JULES AND JIM, THREESOME is an exceedingly tacky, often over-written, and very occasionally entertaining bad show. Shy Edward (Josh Charles), who describes himself as "sexually ambivalent," dorms with Neanderthal stud Stuart (Stephen Baldwin). They're The Odd Couple revisited: prissy closet case and genial slob. Into their pizza-strewn lives pops Alex (Lara Flynn Boyle), mistakenly assigned, by virtue of her androgynous name, to share their digs. The foreseeable ensues: Alex falls for Eddie's sensitivity, Stuart lusts for her nubile bod, and Eddie just keeps staring longingly at Stuart's rear. After many an incomplete forward pass, the three vow to remain celibate, however intimate with each other. This of course only leads to an incessant mutual teasing that has the entire campus speculating about this blatant menage a trois. Interested observers include the front desk monitors, whom the precocious trio have dubbed "The Lounge Lizards." The male half of this gossipy duo (Alexis Arquette), moons over Eddie and is even set up with him on a disastrous date (Eddie later informs his avid pals that the poor guy had bad breath and overt nose hair). Physically ignored by Eddie, a frustrated Alex soon finds inevitable succor with Stuart, but she also eventually gets around to doing the deed with Eddie. The trio laugh, camp, skinny-dip, and simulate outrageous sex in cars to the chagrin of other motorists. In fact, they do just about everything except crack open a book. Ultimately, the three decide that they must disband and they seek emotional fulfillment with new partners: a demure Donna Reed-type for a chastened Stuart, something nice and upwardly mobile for Alex, and, at last, a boy for wimpy Ed. This low-minded piece of co-ed wish-fulfilment was written and directed by NYU Film School grad Andrew Fleming, whose previous picture was the relatively well-received horror flick BAD DREAMS (1988). Despite THREESOME's air of trendy homophilia, the territory explored here is not far removed from PORKY'S. The piquant diddling with bisexuality goes no further than a predictable, climactic three-way romp--which, of course, will never be repeated or mentioned by the roommates. Eddie's wrestling with his gayness is treated farcically, with Alex at one point screaming, "You're a closet heterosexual! Heterosexual!" as he scurries away. The stars, who seem to think they're irresistibly frisky, are more noxious than anything else when they're together, especially when the three humiliate a preppy blonde date of Stuart's and snigger over that hapless, unrequited Lounge Lizard. (Indeed, Arquette, in a few minutes of screen time, manages to be more likeable and touching than anyone else.) Stephen Baldwin delivers a perfectly-gauged, goofy-sexy rendition of jock animal lust; his casual comic timing enlivens more than a few dead spots. Half repulsive, half irresistible, he's a fool for physical comedy, and his endless simulations of sexual technique and orgasmic release are hilariously crass. The role of Eddie, however, is a pure Hollywood cliche of quivering uncertainty, and Charles does nothing whatsoever to counteract the character's drippy narcissism. Boyle looks more like a 30-ish exotic dancer than a dewy freshman; her appearance and limited talents mesh perfectly with the screenplay's exploitative agenda. A new low point for women on film is achieved in a library scene in which she tries to entice a furiously cramming Charles with a steamy, writhing melt-down, murmuring, "I love it when you say big words." (Nudity, sexual situations, adult situations, substance abuse, profanity.)