Santa with Muscles Reviews

Though highly unlikely to become a Christmas classic, SANTA WITH MUSCLES is pretty much everything Hulk Hogan's fans might expect--at least, all of his fans under the age of 12. Blake Thorn (Hulk Hogan) is the wealthy owner of a health food company who follows a code of behavior that emphasizes putting yourself first. But when he loses his memory in an accident after donning a Santa Claus disguise, he is persuaded that he really is Santa by Lenny (Don Stack), a hustler who swiped Thorn's wallet while he was unconscious. Thorn fills in for an absent Santa at a shopping mall, and foils a robbery of money intended to save a local orphanage. Although he doesn't know why, he feels compelled to help the orphanage in its fight against Mr. Frost (Ed Begley Jr.) and his evil henchmen. At the orphanage, "Santa" soon wins the adoration of the three remaining orphans, as well as the gratitude of caretakers Leslie (Robin Curtis) and Clayton (Garrett Morris). They discover that Mr. Frost wants the orphanage in order to gain access to valuable energy-bearing crystals located in a cavern underneath the building. Thorn regains his memory in time to help fight off the final assault of Frost; he also learns from Clayton that he and Frost were childhood friends who at one time lived at this same orphanage. Although Thorn and the orphans manage to overcome Frost, the battle causes the crystals to explode and the orphanage is destroyed. Cured of his selfish old ways, Thorn relocates the orphanage to his palatial estate. While most of professional wrestling star Hulk Hogan's movies have been made for family audiences, SANTA WITH MUSCLES is primarily aimed at children; adults may get a few chuckles out of it, but unless you're sharing it with viewers whose age is in the single digits you probably won't want to bother. The plot and characterizations are as silly (if not quite so loud) as what you'd encounter in professional wrestling, particularly Mr. Frost's bizarre henchmen: a doctor, a chemist, an electrician, and a geologist. Hogan himself continues to show a flair for self-deprecating comedy that, if ever put in the service of a real movie, might be quite engaging. Being surrounded by mugging second bananas and abnormally cute children in vehicles like this, however, doesn't exactly bring out the best in him. To call him the best thing in SANTA WITH MUSCLES is faint praise, given this film's general low level of acting, indifferent plotting, and nonexistent production values; check out the less than spectacular orphanage collapse at the film's conclusion. (Violence.)