Amazon-Video Comedy Central Showtime Apple TV+ DC Universe Disney Plus YouTube Premium HBO Max Peacock source-3036 Netflix Vudu HBO Go Hulu Plus Amazon Prime CBS All Access Verizon

Join or Sign In

Sign in to customize your TV listings

Sign in with Facebook Sign in with email

By joining TV Guide, you agree to our Terms of Use and acknowledge the data practices in our Privacy Agreement.

Two and a Half Men

Episodes

22 Episodes 2009 - 2010

Is Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) ready to settle down? It sure looks that way when he and Chelsea (Jennifer Bini Taylor) are engaged as Season 7 opens, but his fidelity is tested by the reappearance of Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier), and his fiancée doesn't do him any favors when her gorgeous college roommate (Tricia Helfer) moves in temporarily following a bad breakup. Meanwhile, the house gets even more crowded when Alan's girlfriend, Melissa (Kelly Stables), moves in; Jake blackmails Charlie with an incriminating photo; and Jake's bad behavior with his new friend Eldridge (Graham Patrick Martin) turns out to be good luck for Alan when he falls for the boy's mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith). Guest stars include Stacy Keach, John Amos, Annie Potts and Martin Mull, and Eddie Van Halen and ZZ Top have cameos.

Episode 1

818-jlkpuzo

Mon, Sep 21, 2009 30 mins

In the seventh-season opener, Mia's reappearance has Charlie doubting his love for Chelsea, and he has to decide between the two women.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 1 image

Episode 2

Whipped Unto the Third Generation

Mon, Sep 28, 2009 30 mins

Alan's girlfriend, Melissa, moves in with him after Chelsea convinces Charlie that it would be a great idea, and the women take over the house.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 2 image

Episode 3

Mmm, Fish. Yum

Mon, Oct 5, 2009 30 mins

Alan ends up taking care of Judith's baby and her inebriated mother; Charlie is blackmailed by Jake, who has an incriminating photo of Charlie.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 3 image

Episode 4

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

Mon, Oct 12, 2009 30 mins

Alan handles a job for his mother, while Charlie plays mediator between Chelsea and Jake, whose relationship is on rocky ground.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 4 image

Episode 5

For the Sake of the Child

Mon, Oct 19, 2009 30 mins

When Alan and Charlie publicly humiliate Jake, he says he no longer wants to live with them.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 5 image

Episode 6

Give Me Your Thumb

Mon, Nov 2, 2009 30 mins

Alan recommends breast-reduction surgery to Chelsea, which prompts Charlie to implement house-guest reduction, as in throwing Alan out.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 6 image

Episode 7

Untainted by Filth

Mon, Nov 9, 2009 30 mins

Charlie and Alan wake up together...with a woman they don't recognise.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 7 image

Episode 8

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle

Mon, Nov 16, 2009 30 mins

Chelsea's gorgeous university roommate comes to live at the house temporarily after a bad breakup, testing Charlie's restraint.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 8 image

Episode 9

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

Mon, Nov 23, 2009 30 mins

Charlie's male ego is bruised when he learns that he hasn't been satisfying Chelsea; and Alan tries a cheap cure for his thinning hair.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 9 image

Episode 10

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

Mon, Dec 7, 2009 30 mins

Charlie discovers a secret that Chelsea's been keeping from him regarding her finances.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 10 image

Episode 11

Warning, It's Dirty

Mon, Dec 14, 2009 30 mins

Charlie teaches Jake the tricks of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for the holidays; Evelyn invites a legendary TV producer to Charlie's for Christmas dinner.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 11 image

Episode 12

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

Mon, Jan 11, 2010 30 mins

Jake tries to win back his ex-girlfriend by writing her love songs, while Alan and Herb try to hide their friendship from Judith.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 12 image

Episode 13

Yay, No Polyps!

Mon, Jan 18, 2010 30 mins

Charlie gets a colonoscopy just to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's parents, but he returns home to find them there.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 13 image

Episode 14

Crude and Uncalled For

Mon, Feb 1, 2010 30 mins

Alan gets into a bar fight and lands in jail, while Charlie fears that Chelsea likes Alan's lawyer.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 14 image

Episode 15

Aye, Aye, Captain Douche

Mon, Feb 8, 2010 30 mins

Chelsea has had enough of Charlie's jealousy, which is threatening their relationship.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 15 image

Episode 16

Tinkle Like a Princess

Mon, Mar 1, 2010 30 mins

Charlie goes to Las Vegas and returns with his new wife, but it's not Chelsea; and Chelsea's dad visits with his boyfriend.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 16 image

Episode 17

I Found Your Moustache

Mon, Mar 8, 2010 30 mins

Charlie and Chelsea reunite briefly, giving Charlie hope that they could get back together.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 17 image

Episode 18

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

Mon, Mar 22, 2010 30 mins

Tricia Helfer returns as Chelsea's university friend, whom Charlie meets again; and Alan has a surprising effect on a patient.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 18 image

Episode 19

Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave

Mon, Apr 12, 2010 30 mins

Alan tolerates Jake's new friend, who is a bad influence, because he's attracted to the boy's mother.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 19 image

Episode 20

I Called Him Magoo

Mon, May 10, 2010 30 mins

Alan plans a romantic night with his new girlfriend, hoping for more intimacy.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 20 image

Episode 21

Gumby with a Pokey

Mon, May 17, 2010 30 mins

While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his former girlfriends.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 21 image

Episode 22

This Is Not Gonna End Well

Mon, May 24, 2010 30 mins

In the seventh-season finale, Charlie's license is suspended and Jake becomes his driver; and Alan plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party, which doesn't please Charlie.

Where to Watch
Two and a Half Men, Season 7 Episode 22 image