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Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episodes
Season 3 Episode Guide
24 Episodes 2005 - 2006
In the hit sitcom's third season, there is a slight change in the formula of Charlie's endless one-night stands and Alan's eternal hope of reconciliation with his ex as the men develop serious relationships. But first they have to make some bad choices.\ Charlie (Charlie Sheen) sleeps with Rose, prompting a visit from her dad, played by Sheen's father, Martin. Alan (Jon Cryer) becomes involved with a wealthy neighbor (Cloris Leachman) who wants him as her boy toy, and later he dates a Martha Stewart-style control freak. Ever the opportunist, Charlie cajoles Jake (Angus T. Jones) into taking ballet lessons so he can flirt with the teacher, Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier), and the two begin a pas de deux of sorts that lasts through the season. Meanwhile, Alan falls for Kandi (April Bowlby), a young woman who dated Charlie briefly and is perfect for Alan. While the men try to improve their lives, it's clear that half-man Jake is half-witted, and his mediocrity is mined for laughs, as he gets into trouble at school for drawing an offensive picture and, another time, for his general lack of interest. This is not to say that the brothers' roads to betterment are smooth. Tensions arise when Kandi moves in with Alan, and Charlie is still Charlie, who has a hard time dealing with a relationship not based on sex. In fact, he sleeps with Kandi's mom, played by Gail O'Grady. Other memorable guests are Kevin Sorbo as Kandi's dad and Jon Lovitz as a pompous jingle writer.
Episode 1
Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts
Mon, Sep 19, 2005 30 mins
Alan is laid up after falling off the roof, so Charlie spends a weekend caring for Jake, whose needs and wants interfere with Charlie's social life.
Episode 2
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Mon, Sep 26, 2005 30 mins
Charlie answers phones at Alan's chiropractic office while his brother's away, and turns the place into a brothel when he hires a masseuse. Meanwhile, Alan has to meet with Jake's principal to discuss a picture Jake drew.
Episode 3
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Mon, Oct 3, 2005 30 mins
When Charlie learns that Alan has been dating Judith and hoping to get back together, he does everything he can think of to keep them apart.
Episode 4
Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs
Mon, Oct 10, 2005 30 mins
Alan lets Berta stay at Charlie's house for a few days, which causes a rift between the brothers and forces Alan to look for a new place to live.
Episode 5
We Call It Mr. Pinky
Mon, Oct 17, 2005 30 mins
Charlie becomes impotent when armchair psychoanalyst Rose tells him he has unresolved issues with his mother. Meanwhile, Alan gets angry when Charlie gives Jake advice about girls.
Episode 6
Hi, Mr. Horned One
Mon, Oct 24, 2005 30 mins
Charlie is thrilled that he's dating a hot, exciting woman, but Alan can't find much to like about her. In fact, he's sure that she has put a curse on both Charlie and him.
Episode 7
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Mon, Nov 7, 2005 30 mins
Martin Sheen guest stars as Rose's dad, who confronts Charlie and asks what his intentions are towards his daughter after an inebriated Charlie sleeps with Rose on her birthday.
Episode 8
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Mon, Nov 14, 2005 30 mins
Charlie dupes Jake into joining a ballet class just so he can flirt with the teacher.
Episode 9
Madame and Her Special Friend
Mon, Nov 21, 2005 30 mins
Cloris Leachman plays Charlie's wealthy neighbor who wants Alan to be her boy toy. Meanwhile, Jake wants to send money to a televangelist. Kim: April Bowlby. Hector: Phil Abrams. Jake: Angus T. Jones.
Episode 10
Something Salty and Twisted
Mon, Nov 28, 2005 30 mins
Charlie helps Alan with his unhealthy need to always to gain approval from women. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. Alan: Jon Cryer.
Episode 11
Santa's Village of the Damned
Mon, Dec 19, 2005 30 mins
Alan starts dating a Martha Stewart-like perfectionist (Josie Davis) who takes command of the house during the holidays. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. Jake: Angus T. Jones.
Episode 12
That Special Tug
Mon, Jan 9, 2006 30 mins
Charlie goes to a psychiatrist (Jane Lynch) to try and learn how to deal with Alan's emotional problems. Terry: Andrea Bendewald. Beth: Valerie Azlynn.
Episode 13
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Mon, Jan 23, 2006 30 mins
Charley uncharacteristically finds himself in a relationship that isn't based on sex.
Episode 14
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Mon, Feb 6, 2006 30 mins
Charlie and Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier) decide to make love, but after the long wait, he's worried that he won't live up to her expectations. Meanwhile, Alan has his hands full with one of Charlie's former lovers. Kandi: April Bowlby. Alan: Jon Cryer.
Episode 15
My Tongue Is Meat
Mon, Feb 27, 2006 30 mins
Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier) and Charlie clash over his lifestyle.
Episode 16
Ergo, the Booty Call
Mon, Mar 6, 2006 30 mins
Alan does his best to avoid the awkwardness of having his 22-year-old girlfriend attend Jake's birthday party.
Episode 17
The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
Mon, Mar 13, 2006 30 mins
Charlie is tricked by his mom and Alan into attending a jingle writers awards dinner, a prize he's never won, where he has to endure comments from a pompous multiple winner (Jon Lovitz). Gordon: J.D. Walsh.
Episode 18
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Mon, Mar 20, 2006 30 mins
Alan starts paying his girlfriend's bills and runs into financial problems.
Episode 19
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Mon, Apr 10, 2006 30 mins
Alan's girlfriend (April Bowlby) moves in with him, and the new situation creates tension in the house.
Episode 20
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Mon, Apr 24, 2006 30 mins
While Alan rushes to Kandi, who's living with Judith, to try and win his girlfriend back, Charlie sleeps with Kandi's mother (Gail O'Grady). Meanwhile, Kandi sets Judith up on a date with her dad (Kevin Sorbo). Kandi: April Bowlby.
Episode 21
And the Plot Moistens
Mon, May 1, 2006 30 mins
Alan falls for Jake's teacher (Julia Campbell), whose intelligence is a refreshing change from Kandi's flakiness. Meanwhile, Charlie helps Jake with his audition for the school musical.
Episode 22
Just Once With Aunt Sophie
Mon, May 8, 2006 30 mins
When a girl (Stephanie Brown) invites Jake to his first boy-girl party, Charlie robs Alan of the chance to offer his son advice on women by beating him to the task. Alan also feels slighted that Charlie never gave him that much-needed advice in their youth. Ricky: Ralph Cole Jr.
Episode 23
Arguments for the Quickie
Mon, May 15, 2006 30 mins
Part 1 of two. Mia's dance troupe is in town and she reserves four ballet tickets for the Harpers, but Charlie is suspicious of her motives for seeing him again. Jennifer: Cheyenne Casebier. Theresa: Maria Tornberg. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier.
Episode 24
That Pistol-packin' Hermaphrodite
Mon, May 22, 2006 30 mins
Conclusion. As Charlie and Mia make wedding plans, Alan and Jake are concerned about where they will live. And Rose doesn't take the wedding news well. Leon: John Vance. Rev. Yarnell: Steven Shaw.
