Has your cat been looking at you and licking its chops? Is your hamster stocking up on lye and acid? Did you wake up and find your sugarglider holding a knife to your throat? It can only mean one thing: CBS' Zoo is coming back for Season 2 on Tuesday, June 28 at 9/8c!
The drama, based on James Patterson's novel, posits a world where animals rise up and attack us helpless humans, and only a motley crew of scientists and animal experts can save the world.
As such, the most exciting parts of Zoo involve elaborately staged animal attacks with just the right amount of campiness. And it's not just lions and wolves shredding people to bits, some of the best attacks involve swarms of bats, rats and birds. I took a safari through Season 1 and collected the five best animal attacks to prepare you for Season 2. You'll never look at your Corgi the same way!
Bat-tack on Antarctica (Episode 4)
When two scientists went to Antarctica to save their marriage by working on a two-year "disaster" of an experiment (there's your first problem, ladies), the guano hit the fan. Or more accurately, a bat hit an electric heater — on purpose, mind you — shorting out the power at the research station.
And since a swarm (flock? gaggle? Dracula?) of bats was already covering the solar panels that provided backup energy to the station — wait, I hear you laughing. You don't believe me? Look:
As I was saying, since the bats were covering the solar panels that provided backup energy to the station, all the unhappy couple could do was wait for the icy grip of hypothermia to carry them to the afterlife. Bats 1, humans 0.
Now those are some smart bats!
The Slovenian Dog Mafia Ambush (Episode 2)
Jack Russell Terriers are 50 times smarter than dolphins and 100 times smarter than the average loser dad, so this chump who was on vacation in Slovenia stood no chance against this smart mutt. Using its cuteness as the only thing to keep the dad's adopted hellion happy, the dog infiltrated the family's hotel room, beckoned the dad to follow him into an alley, and lured him right into a dog mafia ambush where he was chewed on like a sack of pig ears.
The Great Bear Fridge Raid of Paris (Episode 6)
Have you ever heard the phrase "hungrier than a bear in Paris in the middle of summer?" Of course not, because I just made it up. But apparently it was on the mind of the Zoo's writers' room, because this fuzzy wuzzy terror that broke into a fancy lady's French apartment was starving.
There was some minor off-camera mauling of the mademoiselle, but unless you are a refrigerator, it's hard to call this an honest-to-goodness animal attack.
It was an attack on proper wine-drinking etiquette, however, which is a fineable offense in France.
In the end, the bear discovered what we humans already know: French food is very rich and heavy, and the only way to deal with it is to take a nap.
Night, night, bear!
The Rattening (Episode 8)
You think the life of an exterminator is all squashing roaches and huffing DDT, but you're wrong! Pest control agents are on the front lines of man's never-ending war against animals. Just ask this guy, who had to deal with shipwrecked rats in some Massachusetts coastal town where the men all wear deck shoes (no socks) and sweaters tied around their necks.
Did you ever see Aliens when the space marine looked through the ceiling tile and saw a bunch of aliens coming at him? So did Zoo.
R.I.P. (Rats inside PetertheExterminator.)
Thankfully, the "Zoo Crew" stepped in with evolution's natural weapon against rodents, the flamethrower.
Death From Above (Episode 9)
I have a friend who is scared of birds and I've never understood her fear of our feathered friends... until now! Air superiority won World War I and it will be humanity's downfall in the inevitable Bird War I. We got a taste of that in Zoo when some ornithological nightmares decided pecking humans was fun. (Which it is, so I don't blame them.)
As if being a single mom wasn't tough enough on a normal day, try being a single mom taking your baby to the park on the Bird War I equivalent of the Storming of Normandy!
She should have used her baby as a human shield. Did I mention that Child Protective Services has been to my house several times?
Just as everyone knows that the best weapon against rats is a flamethrower, the best weapon against birds is a hose.
Another day saved by the Zoo crew! We're safe for now, but beware! Animals are everywhere!
Season 2 of Zoo premieres Tuesday, June 28 at 9/8c on CBS.
(Full disclosure: TVGuide.com is owned by CBS.)