My Wife and Kids I'm sorry, but whenever a TV kid gets a lesson in adulthood from their dad, I always have to chuckle. Be it Theo Huxtable, Greg Brady or tonight's Jr., the teens always turn out to be better than pops expected. Of course, if this were

real life, I'm not so sure a water balloon is the best tool to teach a high-schooler how to raise a child. Perhaps how to avoid having one in the first place, maybe.It's All Relative God bless Lenny Clarke. His loudmouth Mace is this season's homophobic George Costanza with a Boston accent and a gut that screams "EKG." And he's as rabid about the Red Sox as my friend Neil is about the Philadelphia Phillies. Though I am sure Neil would be more gracious about free superbox seats at a Sox-Yankees game with two gay guys — even if one of them was wearing a sweater over their shoulders. Which makes me think that whoever is costuming Simon should check their calendar. I mean, points for being so timely about the World Series playoffs, but stop shopping for Liz's two dads at the Fire Island Wal-Mart, ok?The World Series Speaking of which, how can we be an hour into this game and still have no score? Better yet, how can we be an hour into this game and have no one more interesting than Serena Williams in the crowd?The BachelorLeeann, you are outta here! Your ultimatum last week backfired almost as much as that crocodile-teary apology for "pulling away" from the other ladies. Who, by the way, bought that line as much as I'm buying Bob's confession that he "hates having to meet all these women at the same time." Really, Bob? ABC must have been so mean to have made you do this show. And The Bachelorette. And Oprah. And record that CD. And kiss every resident at Ladies Villa. Boys can be whores, too. Which is fine, as long as they make it this fun to watch.The West Wing Oh my god, I have no head for politics. None. Voting, sure. That's like playing the lottery. But this? I didn't realize people in Washington were so... not hot. Seriously, even Janel Moloney is being frumped up. And Jesse Bradford's haircut is surely the work of the Republican agenda. Thankfully, when Bartlet told the Korean pianist who wanted to defect that "freedom means choice," I realized I was free to grab the remote and choose... I Love the '80s Strikes Back ... which makes me so happy to have sported blue streaks, red Chucks and Warhol-print jams during the decade of the Thompson Twins, North and South, Gremlins and Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is." But what I really want to know is how I can become Hal Sparks's best friend? We could team up and stalk scary '80s exiles like Lita Ford and Adrian Zmed. And then maybe he could help me overcome the image of funkmeister George Clinton getting a little too close to My Little Pony.South ParkQueer Eye comes to town and suddenly all the men are using their full names, exfoliating and playing the metrosexual game. That is, until the ladies — and Mr. Garrison — revolt after realizing that their over-primped fellas are more fabulous than they are. Apparently inspired by Liza Minnelli and David Gest.Kid NotoriousWhoa. How many times can one cartoon use the word "bitch"? About Sharon Stone? I could throw my hands up for legendary producer Robert Evans's swipes at the film industry, if this were back when he actually was a force in the industry. Now, it just feels like animated vanity. Playing himself as a sexed-up playah and spoofing The Godfather with a hip-hop musical is clever, sure, but all the inside stuff about someone even my father barely remembers makes this about as relevant as a rap song about Joey Heatherton.The World Series You're kidding me. Tied at 3-3 in the 12th, Jeter's up and I am out. As my roommate put it, "Make it stop!" Minutes later, Florida does just that. Yanks, you have no one to blame but yourselves. And maybe my roomie.