Dance Moms Dance Moms

My God, why is this woman still yelling?

After avoiding most of the entire first season — the abrasive screaming lady in the promos scared the crap out of us here at the Watercooler — we decided to peek in on the second-season premiere of Lifetime's Dance Moms last night to see what was up. Turns out, some things you just can't unsee.

Seconds into the episode, it became clear that the abrasive screaming lady, Abby Lee Miller, does nothing but bellow at the top of her surely exhausted lungs. Anyone unlucky enough to enter her realm, kids, moms, probably drive-thru clerks, is subjected to her singular volume setting: Awful. Why any mother would want this woman to choreograph their daughter, much less be in the same room with them, is beyond us. This is not "tough love." It's borderline child abuse. But apparently winning Nationals (whatever they are) and creating "employable dancers" out of overworked 9-year-olds makes up for Abby Lee's wholesale lack of human kindness.

So let's all bow our heads and says a quick prayer for Kendall, the newest member of the Abby Lee Dance and Future Trauma-Survivors Troupe. Because she is in for a world of woe that makes the crazypants chaos of Toddlers & Tiaras look like a tea party. As for us? Please, we're ripping up our Dance card for good.

Did you watch last night? How did you survive it?

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