The more time we spend with Ben, the more we see his imperfections. The Bachelor tells us over and over again that he's flawless, a god among mortals who's too humble to admit his holy nature, but the cracks in this episode showed the secret truth about Ben Higgins: he's a bit of a doofus.
How else do you explain his assertion that "Vegas is a place where people do find love?" Granted, this statement was edited in the promos to make him sound dumber than he is, but he still conveniently forgot "Sin City" and "What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas" and the fact that the city's sidewalks are littered with flyers advertising for prostitutes. Only a bonehead would describe Caila, who is half-Filipino, as a "tigress" (ask yourself: would that be the first word that comes to mind to describe a non-Asian sexually aggressive person?). He also calls her a "sex panther," a reference to Anchorman that Ben seems to have forgotten is a reference. His hungover, shirt-untucked look while officiating marriages in the chapel is disrespectful to the people trying to have a nice wedding, and who didn't seem to know they were getting married on The Bachelor before they walked into the chapel. The less said about his excruciating puppetry the better. (We are definitely going to talk more about his excruciating puppetry.)
The Bachelor is determined to depict Ben as the classiest young man in America, but more he talks, the more we find out he's just a goofy bro. Hopefully Lauren B., who at this point clearly seems like the winner, is okay with a husband who laughs at farts like Ricky Gervais laughs at Karl Pilkington.
Never place anyone on a pedestal, not even Bachelors. They will always disappoint you. They'll pit sister against sister and tear a family apart.
On to the awkward moments!
7. Another helicopter date, really?
C'mon, Ben, personal aviation for the third time in two episodes? So lame. Last week, he took Lauren B. out in a biplane and Jubilee out in a helicopter, and this week it's Jojo in a helicopter over Las Vegas. It's not special when you keep repeating it! Didn't the producers see Fifty Shades of Grey? Each successive helicopter ride is fifty shades more boring than the last! It's a boring date with Jojo, too. The only good part is when the helicopter blows over the (totally unnecessary) helipad champagne table and Ben and Jojo crouch behind it for shelter and immediately start making out.
6. Becca being made to think she was getting married
It was cruel how Becca had to put on a wedding dress, go to a chapel, meet Ben at the altar, and watch him get down on one knee, only to have him say that they're going to officiate the weddings for a bunch of randos. "When Ben went down on one knee that's when I really started to panic," she says. Becca's not here for Ben! If she really wanted to marry him, she would have said "my heart is broken that we're not getting married right now." If I were Ben, I would have sent her home on the spot. If she's not ready to get surprise married in a Vegas chapel on her first date with some dillweed she barely knows, she's not ready to get married.
5. The talent show
Some of the talents are actually impressive, like the twins Irish step dancing and Jubilee playing the cello (which reinforces the fact that Jubilee is the most interesting person on the show), but most of them are suuuuuper silly. Leah wore a clown suit and jumped on a pogo stick while Ben threw treats into her mouth, and Lauren H. put on a chicken suit and sang "Old MacDonald." And she won! I haven't mentioned Olivia's striptease yet, but trust me, we'll get to it.
4. Haley sent home at home
While in Vegas, the twins' hometown, Ben goes with Haley and Emily to meet their mom and all their dachshunds. It kind of comes out of nowhere that they knew "eventually he's going to have to choose one," because it was never clear that they weren't a package deal and they didn't seem to be competing with each other, but apparently it was, because here we are. After talking with each of them separately (Haley still has pictures of her ex-boyfriend up in her room) as well as their mother - who calls Emily the "dominant twin," a turn of phrase that puts very disturbing visuals in my head - Ben decides that Haley has to go. Poor Haley, dumped in front of her mother and her sister and her dogs. Emily kinda throws her sister under the bus, man. Is it worth the awkwardness at home for Emily to take on this "Haley is weak, and I am the dominant twin" attitude when she's probably going to be eliminated within the next two weeks? All I could think about was Haley's stuff back at the mansion. Did she bring her luggage with her, or did they send it back once she was eliminated, leaving her without prom dresses for a few days while it was in transit? I demand answers!
3. Amber talking to herself after being eliminated
Whoa, Amber seemed relatively normal if slightly mean until she got eliminated, when she started talking to herself like a dang Smeagol and Ben is her Precious who slipped through her fingers. Sitting on the couch and crying and calling herself stupid in front of everyone! Maybe after spending so much time in Bachelor Nation (two seasons of The Bachelor and one of Bachelor in Paradise) she was just burnt out and crashing now that it's coming to an end. These are the bitter tears of someone who has put a lot of time and effort into a dream that didn't pan out how she imagined. Amber is like someone who invested all of her money in Beanie Babies.
Every moment with a puppet was terrible. First, ventriloquist/talent show host Terry Fator's unfunny puppets kept making lascivious comments about the women's bodies. Well, Fator was making the comments, but he's good at ventriloquy, so you can suspend disbelief enough to say it's the puppet. Ben, on the other hand, is terrible at ventriloquy. When he's talking with Lauren H. after her victory, he has a puppet on his hand. At first, he tries to do a voice and make the off-color sex jokes his clean-cut image won't allow him to make unless he hides behind a puppet. Then he abandons doing a voice but continues to move the puppet's mouth. Then Lauren H. makes out with the puppet. Then she kisses Ben with the same fuzzy mouth. The whole thing is sickening.
1. Olivia's talentless show and subsequent meltdown
Olivia is buggin' this week. During the talent show, while everyone else is actually putting in effort, Olivia just puts on a showgirl outfit and pops out of a cake. That was the extent of her performance, because then she just kicks her legs and half-heartedly shimmies around. Take this seriously, Olivia! Lauren B. calls it "cringeworthy," Amanda calls it "surprising" in a deliciously condescending way (Amanda seems nice, but you can tell she can be vicious when she wants to be), and Caila makes this face:
After the performance, Olivia has panic attack backstage because it went so badly. This might be the lowest moment of Olivia's life. She doesn't seem like someone who's accustomed to failing. But during this talent show, she looked stupid and didn't feel like she was in control, and she couldn't take it. Things are going to get ugly when Olivia's eliminated.
Jojo, Becca, and Lauren B. got roses. Haley stayed in Las Vegas and Amber and Rachel were cut at the rose ceremony. Too bad for Rachel, who might still be unemployed. Next week, the gang heads to Mexico, and Emily's hate for Olivia boils over.