Survivor All-Stars Ding-dong,...

Survivor All-Stars
Ding-dong, the Rich is dead. Which old Rich? The wicked Rich. Ding-dong, the wicked Rich is dead! Can you tell I'm more than a bit happy to see the arrogant weeniemeister be the first person evicted after the merge? Mogo Mogo may have to live off Ethan's one-fish-a-day catch from now on. But they are still so better off without Rich. Shoot. I'd rather survive off cowboy Colby's sexy looks than live with that naked rat king. Ding-dong, the merry-oh. Sing it high. Sing it low. Ding-dong, the wicked Rich is dead!

Friends
What's with people and Paris this week? First the Russian took Carrie to Paris on Sex and the City, now Mark from Bloomingdale's is offering Rachel a job in the City of Lights. What? I parlez a little Francez; when is somebody going to try to hook me up? But, ahem, enough about moi. I hope Rachel goes. It will be hard for Ross to try to reel her back in with 2,000 miles of ocean between them. Plus, it would leave the door open for a special Friends reunion movie in France (guest-starring a Johnny Depp look-alike.) Ah, remember when the Facts of Life girls went to Paris? Remember dem days...

Will & Grace
Goodness gracious, I might be getting over this show.
Karen and Lyle breaking into song: Hilarious — but a bit much.
Karen and Lorraine trading witty barbs: Still fun.
Lorraine's black hatbox bag: Fabulous.
Jack and Stuart: Tedious.
Will and Grace taking advantage of Zandra to "flip" her apartment: Sad and morally offensive. Stick a fork in them; they're done.

Extreme Makeover
Is it wrong that I want an ExM T-shirt and a Big Reveal? I mean, I'm grateful for what my mama gave me, but dang. Did you see LaPaula post-op? I remember when self-improvement meant losing a few pounds. Now, thanks to the Extreme Team not only do I want to lose the equivalent of an Olympic gymnast, I need to get a second job so I can afford to have "a little work" done. (Who knew they could just suck those under-the-eye bags right out of there?) Seriously, though. I'm really glad I caught this episode tonight. After spending the day making like a tapeworm and eating everything in sight, it helped me refocus. Apparently, nothing motivates me to put down the Girl Scout cookies like seeing a grown-ass man pass out after surgery. Or watching Dr. Phil lecture three post-op patients who're still wearing their nose and chin bandages. "Don't deal with psychological problems nutritionally," he said. Dude, I hear ya.

The Pepto Bismol Commercial
Forget the macarena. Let me see you do the B'mol... Touch the rack. Now bring it down. Turn. And shake it.

The Apprentice
For this to be such a great reality show, it has the worst prizes ever. These people work their butts off and for what? To win a visit to Trump's apartment (woo!), to eat at Trump's favorite childhood restaurant (yea!) or visit the Trump golf club (watch out now!). The fact that Amy called tonight's reward "the best prize yet" just shows how cheap and self-serving billionaire Donald is. The helicopter ride should have been the first prize and Trump should have moved up from there. But, what do I know? I, like Ereka, apparently cannot control my emotions in tough situations. Heck, today's task sent me over the top. Sell cheesy Trump Ice. You've got to be kidding. The fact that these contestants kept a straight face when The Donald announced that that is a testament to their inner strength. Seriously. Ereka, girl, don't feel bad for getting fired. You's free now! You're no longer a minion in The Donald's cheap, self-serving "branding" campaign. Run, Ereka, run!

ER
A few thoughts:
1. A 13-year-old boy with chlamydia? Whoa. I didn't see that one coming. I was also blindsided when he showed up with his four partners. What?! I do not want to be reminded that kids are slutting it up in junior high. It's too scary. Too scary!
2. I used to like Luka. Thought his brooding was attractive. Now he's just a good-looking dog prowling the ER. I wish Sam had left him out in the cold. Would have served him right.
3. OK. I don't have the medical vocab to professionally describe what Dr. Pratt did to save the bigot nurse Frank's life. So I'm just going to say it. When he stuck big man in the heart and sucked all the blood out... that was hot. I love it when Pratt takes chances and he's right. Go, black man! Go, black man! Go!