Last time there was a new episode of Saturday Night Live, the federal government was still up and running, so to kick off the first SNL episode of 2019, the show's cold open addressed the 800,000+ unpaid employees in the room.
Featuring Kenan Thompson as Steve Harvey (subbing in for usual host Howie Mandel), the segment welcomes Alec Baldwin and all his fish-lipping skills as Donald Trump as he mulls over the options — or lack thereof — in front of him right now by way of a Deal or No Deal segment.
"I want $5 billion for my border wall, and in exchange I'll extend DACA and I'll release the kids from cages so they can be free-range kids," he says of his current posturing.
Of course, that's not even close to what's on the table from his opponents, so he gives Kate McKinnon's Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi — or as he calls her in his usual refrain, "Fancy Nancy Paloser" — a shot to present her offer of "$1 billion dollars and you say 'Nancy's my Mommy.'"
The two then engage in a back-and-forth spat over Trump being disinvited to host the State of the Union Address at the House of Representatives and his retributive decision to pull Pelosi's military travel for a congressional delegation visit to visit troops abroad.
"Oh no I can't go on my vacation to a war zone? What will I do?" McKinnon's Pelosi deadpans.
From there, the options only get less viable — Alex Moffat's Chuck Schumer puts "$15 and a pastrami on rye" on the table, to which Baldwin's Trump responds, "I need $5 billion because that's the first random number I said. No deal."
Then, he experiences a change of heart about new House Financial Services Committee Chair Maxine Waters, played by Leslie Jones, after he learns that she can subpoena his tax returns now that the Democrats have the gavel: "Like I said, she's a genius. Beautiful, a true visionary," he says of her, to which she replies "That's what I thought, mother-."
Melissa Villaseñor is then introduced as buzzy freshman Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who notes, 'Trump and the GOP are just terrified of me because I'm under 100 and I know how to use Instagram."
It's not until a Clemson football player, played by Pete Davidson, comes forward with an offer of some more "hamberders" (a reference to a since-deleted tweet about POTUS' menu for this year's NCAA National Champions) that any headway is made.
"You're ending the shutdown for a hamberder?" Thompson's Harvey guffaws. "Well I guess that makes about as much sense as anything else that's going on these days."