Quote of the Night
"Pick a character! Either you are this scared crapless girl, or you are this attitude-having diva. You can't be both." — Xiomara calling out rival Catie's phony dramatic antics on America's Next Top Model

Gilmore Girls
Bad Gilmores! Bad! "Stan Green" may be a character we've never met, but their behavior at his funeral was still awful. Lorelai and Rory can never quit their incessant, cutesy banter, even during the singing of a kaddish (which is a Jewish mourner's prayer). Worse yet, the ladies wore matching black berets! Good grief. However, my girls do win points for referencing The Witches of Eastwick — one of my all-time fave films — and fearing they'll "take the Craziest Mother and Daughter title away from Judy and Liza."

American Idol
Idol's bad auditions often make me grab for the clicker. Karaoke cuckoo Tomomi Tamura — girl, you scary! Sexy prison guard Victoria Elliot was cute — liked the new, cropped hairdo — but when she opened her mouth to sing, I could only watch through my fingers. Ouch. But then, there are others who intrigue me, so much so that I almost forget to click back to Gilmore Girls...

  • Jasmine Arteaga: I was so afraid Simon would give this little lady one of his "brutally honest" assessments. Let's face it. Given her diminutive stature, she's not who you'd typically think of as a pop star, even though her singing was good enough to give me chills. As Jasmine exited the audition room, it was obvious her mother feared he'd say exactly that. Happily, the meanie didn't say that. He even called her "sweetheart" as he gave her the OK to go to Hollywood. A sappy moment, but I ate it up.

  • Dreah Hancock: Isn't she pretty in pink? Dreah's like a black version of Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. Totally cute! Simon and Randy thought so, too — and they greenlit her, although they seemed as bemused by her as does everyone who meets Elle in the Blonde movies. They're always like, "Is she for real?" This was just like that.

  • Rodrigo Cortes: I wanted to be gleeful when this 18-year-old Latino stud got the boot. You know, like, "Nyah nyah, just 'cause you're model handsome doesn't mean everything in life gets handed to you. Take that, kid!" Then, Rodrigo turns on the waterworks, and starts in on the pointless analysis of why Simon dissed him, and I go all mushy and really feel sorry for him. Usually, I revel almost sadistically in the misery, tears and curses of the rejects. I admit it, though. Rodrigo was different.

    One Tree Hill
    Lucas needs to stop talking about reading John Steinbeck. It's just impossible to buy Chad Michael Murray as a literary aficionado. This show has me rolling my eyes so often, I'm in danger of disconnecting my retina or something. Click.

    Watching Jack kiss nasty Nina? Sickening. Watching him head-butt the beeyatch and choke her with a piece of wood? Fun! Now, as for the show's other returning supervillainess, Sherry Palmer (Penny Johnson Jerald). As I've previously confessed in this column, I haven't watched 24 from the very beginning. (I know, I know...) So this is my first Sherry experience. So far, I don't quite get how the ex-First Lady's mysterious "Chagrin Falls" scheme will help President Palmer neutralize Alan Milliken. But she's got a glamorous Alexis Colby quality that definitely makes me want to stick around and find out. Oh, and thank goodness Ramon gunned down his brother, Hector. I'm so sick of these Salazar boys bickering all the time. And was that just a hint of satisfaction I spied on Jack's face?

    Tonight Show with Jay Leno
    Here we have AngelaJay's loopy, Fran Drescher-like "political correspondent" — covering the New Hampshire primary. I like her. But if Jay wanted a pretty brunette with an annoying, nasal laugh, couldn't he have gotten the real Drescher to do it? I mean, I haven't seen her doing much but Old Navy ads lately, so it's not like she's that busy. On a more important note, it was nice to see Mr. Leno take a momentary break from the comedy to acknowledge the passing of Jack Paar, his legendary predecessor as Tonight's host.