Question: I too can tell you how famous you are ("Ask Ausiello" 12/15). Boston's Star 93.7 also uses your "Entertainment News" column for it's showbiz break-ins! Can I replace the new guy as your assistant? I'll hunt down more royalties to keep you in Smurfs for the rest of your life! — Ron Angelo

Ausiello: You're hired. Mike, the dude who replaced Ismael, never showed up for his first day of work last week. Now I know how Murphy Brown felt.