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Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episodes
Season 7 Episode Guide
22 Episodes 2009 - 2010
Episode 1
818-jklpuzo
Mon, Sep 21, 200922 mins
Chelsea encourages Charlie to help his ex-fiancée Mia launch her music career, but does he still have feelings for her? And what if she's a terrible singer? Meanwhile, Alan wants Charlie to let Melissa move in with him.
Episode 2
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Mon, Sep 28, 200921 mins
When Charlie's fiancée Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend Melissa move in, the girls take over the house.
Episode 3
Mmm, Fish. Yum.
Mon, Oct 5, 200920 mins
Jake tries to take advantage of every opportunity to drive when he gets his learner's permit. Alan tries to deal with Judith's mother in an attempt to get closer to Judith's new baby. Chelsea's cat runs off after Charlie has an accident and takes it out on the cat.
Episode 4
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Mon, Oct 12, 200921 mins
Alan takes a job with his mom so that he can move out and have alone time with Melissa, and Chelsea is upset about the way that Jake is treating her.
Episode 5
For the Sake of the Child
Mon, Oct 19, 200922 mins
Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan after they embarrass him in public, so Alan tries to convince Charlie to work together to settle their differences and stop fighting with each other.
Episode 6
Give Me Your Thumb
Mon, Nov 2, 200921 mins
Chelsea complains about back pain, which Alan suggests to alleviate with breast reduction surgery. Learning of this, boobs-lover Charlie angrily kicks Alan out, who is forced to temporarily move in with Evelyn. Charlie doesn't want Chelsea to go through with the plastic surgery, taking a big liking to her big breasts. Eventually, he comes to terms with it, but makes a remark at Dr. Schenkman about Chelsea's body which surprisingly puts her off the whole idea. Meanwhile, Evelyn scares Alan away by pampering him by buying him expensive clothes, and asking him to cater her "needs" when she is old and crippled.
Episode 7
Untainted by Filth
Mon, Nov 9, 200922 mins
After Charlie and Chelsea set their wedding date, Charlie and Alan go out and get drunk and wake up in bed together with a strange woman.
Episode 8
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Mon, Nov 16, 200921 mins
Charlie invites Chelsea's sexy friend to stay at his place while she gets over a breakup, secretly hoping that he will get a chance to have kinky three-way sex.
Episode 9
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Mon, Nov 23, 200921 mins
Charlie is upset when he finds out he hasn't been sexually satisfying Chelsea, contemplates the reasons and tries to solve the problem, desperate enough to consult Alan as expert on not pleasing women. It turns out that Chelsea has found out that her ex-husband is getting remarried which has somehow negatively affected her sex life. Meanwhile, Alan tries to hide his thinning hair with a cheap product called "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair", a disaster as it melts down his face and into his eyes and with pills that he bought online. He then switches to a Jewish dating app, pleased the yamulka covers his thin spot.
Episode 10
That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room'
Mon, Dec 7, 200920 mins
Charlie discovers that Chelsea hasn't been completely honest about her finances.
Episode 11
Warning, It's Dirty
Mon, Dec 14, 200920 mins
Against Alan's wishes, Charlie encourages Jake to hook up with a pretty girl he met on the beach since Jake's girlfriend is out of town for Christmas.
Episode 12
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Mon, Jan 11, 201022 mins
Charlie braves Jake's wrath over "bad courting advice", talks him out of offering his ex-girlfriend a desperate serenade, and counsels cleverly-dosed vulnerability, but the kid is still dumped again. Feeling utterly ignored by Jake, Alan convinces Herb that they have enough in common to go out together. Judith finds out and snaps Herb's leash, but Alan will not give up.
Episode 13
Yay, No Polyps
Mon, Jan 18, 201021 mins
Charlie endures a colonoscopy to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, only to find them in his living room when he returns home.
Episode 14
Crude and Uncalled For
Mon, Feb 1, 201022 mins
Charlie has to bail out Alan, whose misplaced senses of pride and chivalry made him hit a 'rival' for a blind date who already stated he stood no chance with her. Worse, Brad Harlow, the expensive, slick lawyer Chelsea made Charlie engage gets Alan off, but also invites them to a charity children ranch event. Alan makes Charlie realize turning it down is a romantic risk, so they drag Jake along to drive there late. Pranks and car trouble turn the quest into a nightmare.
Episode 15
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
Mon, Feb 8, 201022 mins
Charlie sleep on the coach after a row with Chelsea over her spending time with the slick lawyer-philanthropist. Alan, Jake, their ma and Berta just assume Charlie is the one who 'misbehaved' again, but after a repeat and graciously giving her the benefit of the doubt, she confesses intentional infidelity inspired her over-sensitiveness, yet moves out and 'postpones' their wedding plans.
Episode 16
Tinkle Like a Princess
Mon, Mar 1, 201022 mins
Charlie is a wreck after Chelsea moves in with her father and his gay partner, so bitter over women he even scolds Jake's date 'preventively'. Alan even fears his brother may commit suicide, but Charlie meets a stripper/masseuse in a Las Vegas church and marries her at a wedding chapel. Back home, Charlie tries again to win Chelsea back, unsuccessfully, then learns the truth about bride Betsy from a surprise visitor.
Episode 17
I Found Your Moustache
Mon, Mar 8, 201022 mins
Alan hoped to distract heartbroken Charlie by taking him to the movies, but Chelsea is there with Brad. They tail the couple to Chelsea's apartment, only to find Brad doesn't go in. She then visits Charlie and spends the night, but in the morning says it changes nothing. He tries to bring her flowers, but she's absent and her father and his gay mate offer advice on how to appear in control and not needy. The situation puts strain on Charlie and Alan's bond, yet proves it stronger then Charlie thought.
Episode 18
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Mon, Mar 22, 201022 mins
Hearing that Chelsea is in Mexico with Brad, Charlie considers himself a free dumpee, so when her friend, Gail, offers herself as intimate consolation, Charlie is easy prey. Yet, when Chelsea calls after leaving Brad, Charlie makes Gail leave. What happens when Chelsea returns? Meanwhile, Alan's new receptionist is puzzled by the lustful sounds while he gives single female chiropractic patient Priscilla Honeycutt the massage she craves. Even Charlie looks down upon his acceptance of getting paid for giving her massage house calls.
Episode 19
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Mon, Apr 12, 201019 mins
Charlie's next composition, a jingle for TV series '"Superdad", is hindered by Jake and his first-ever, slightly-smarter buddy, drummer Eldridge, yet helps them with dating. Alan drops his plan to complain about him after seeing his sexy single mother Lyndsey. Charlie warns that dating your son's friend's mother is wicked even by his standard, but to no avail.
Episode 20
I Called Him Magoo
Mon, May 10, 201022 mins
Charlie orders an Asian escort to cope with his break-up and makes her act like Chelsea did. Alan wants his third date with Lyndsey to be really special, but Judith dumps Jake, who is grounded, on him at the last minute. Alan passes Jake to Charlie, who simply lifts the punishment. Lyndsey spends the first half of the hotel date in the bathroom and takes a sedative, then the cheap oysters Alan brought along spoil the other half and spell more physical suffering for the cheapskate.
Episode 21
Gumby with a Pokey
Mon, May 17, 201022 mins
Jake sympathizes with Charlie's post-Chelsea gloom. Charlie goes to Russell, the pharmacist, for tranquilizers but Russell arranges a prescription for medical marijuana. Judith's late grandfather leaves a valuable grandfather clock to Alan and he decides to drive to Sacramento to pick it up. Taking Jake along enables father-son quality time, but they have hardly anything in common except no future.
Episode 22
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Mon, May 24, 201021 mins
Charlie switches places with Jake, who risked losing his license on the day he got it. Alas, outstanding tickets now contribute to Charlie losing his, so Jake becomes his driver. Alan, who wasn't told the above, is invited to Chelsea's birthday party. Charlie ultimately revokes his veto but makes Jake drive him. Staying in the car seemed safe, but nothing is further from the embarrassing truth. Meanwhile Alan embarrasses himself with Chelsea's father and his gay spouse.
