Join or Sign In
Sign in to customize your TV listings
By joining TV Guide, you agree to our Terms of Use and acknowledge the data practices in our Privacy Policy.
Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episodes
Season 4 Episode Guide
24 Episodes 2006 - 2007
Episode 1
Working for Caligula
Mon, Sep 18, 200622 mins
After Alan's impulsive wedding to Kandi in Vegas, where Charlie came to his senses just in time, the couple wins $500,000 playing jackpot, but even that proves bad luck: four months later, Alan's half of the money is gone and Kandi throws him out. Charlie is not amused to see his perfect Malibu love pen turned into a needy family shelter again, but doesn't hold out long. Even dufus son Jake had joined the pool how many months this marriage would last, and worse: Judith wins it, but still hands Alan alimony - and miscellaneous bills. When Charlie can no longer watch his brother's lethargy, the good brother uses the weapon of last resort: their demonic mother!
Episode 2
Who's Vod Kanockers
Mon, Sep 25, 200622 mins
Only now Alan learns Charlie gave up the one woman he could love for life in order to avoid her sending him and Jake out of the marital home, only to see Alan repeat his disastrous stupidity with Kandi, a story which evokes violent Alan-bashing fantasies in Charlie's mind, as by now even his naive ignorance, clumsiness and other childish traits do, even well-meant ones and sucking-up, again cause for wining from Alan who feels he can't do anything right in "miserably lonely, egocentric" Charlie's eyes. Meanwhile neighbor musician Tyler's horrible voice pains Charlie's already irritated ears and Rose drops by, driving him to drink too much again, then Charlie tries to stay home for a week, but that really drives him crazy enough to- get beaten up by neighbor Tyler...
Episode 3
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Mon, Oct 2, 200622 mins
Solely to get to a surfing girl, Charlie mounts his own board which had been gathering dust since he moved to Malibu, and nearly drowns at the first wave; he gets shark hallucinations and 'instinctively' tongue-kisses the burly lifeguard who resuscitates him mouth-to-mouth, but the worst thing is a vision of his dead father telling him to take care of mother Evelyn Harper. Alan first bitches dad didn't even mention him, but finally comes along to the dreaded dragon. Evelyn slips out to Alan his conception was a gas station condom accident, announces minor 'woman surgery' the next day and is invited to the beach house after what turns out to be plastic surgery, a fat transplant Jake calls 'her butt is in her lips'; in no time she angers both sons to despair again. Then Charlie finds out that 'father's voice' actually was just an old gangster movie on video, so when his life-savior asks him for a coffee, presumably eager for more French kissing...
Episode 4
A Pot Smoking Monkey
Mon, Oct 9, 200630 mins
Alan wants to keep at least Chester, the dog he alone cared for in his second divorce. But Judith 'gave' his new ex the lawyer who cleaned out Alan in his first divorce, and now replaces him in bed. Jake wants an allowance raise and even mistrusts Charlie's courting advice because he thinks his latest, classy girlfriend Wendy Cho might be a keeper, then tires uncle's patience worse then ever.
Episode 5
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Mon, Oct 16, 200622 mins
Alan has hit rock bottom: with two alimony drains beyond his modest means, he must practically beg Charlie for a meal, so it sounds like heaven when Jake's mother, Judith, announces she's about to marry the kid's pediatrician, Dr. Herb Melnick. Alas, Jake wants nothing to do with Melnick and even took a bus across L.A. to go back to the Harper brothers. Judith wants to wait 'til Jake gets used to the idea, which, according to him, is never, so Alan points out a real doctor's superior milking potential. Herb is not so easily convinced to become a husband and stepfather until Charlie invents a drinking game. The trio even plan his bachelor party at Charlie's beach house, but.
Episode 6
Apologies for the Frivolity
Mon, Oct 23, 200621 mins
Charlie's latest, unusually conservative, classy girlfriend, Lydia, makes her entry in the beach-house in the Harper's hated ma Evelyn's style, almost instantly hurting everybody's feelings, soon in bed and in his favorite restaurant too, but Charlie keeps denying the obvious resemblance till the ugly Oedipal truth becomes too painfully obvious to deny when he sees how every second with her is torture for her two nice boys she brings along for Jake (who also plays 'I have boobs') to babysit, as bad as for him and Alan all their traumatizing youth.
Episode 7
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Mon, Nov 6, 200622 mins
A pregnant woman turning up at the beach house causes panic with the Harper brothers until they learn it's Berta's daughter, Naomi. To Charlie's bewilderment, Alan finds her condition sexually arousing. Before he knows it, Charlie's sympathetic words for the disappointed grandma-to-be about her brightest (imagine the rest!) get him enlisted to help make married dad-to-be Ronald Wiedermeier chip in, in nasty drug lab-infested rat-hole Rancho Pacoima. He pays $5,000 to keep it from his wife, Darlene, and when they get back home, Naomi is in labor.
Episode 8
Release the Dogs
Mon, Nov 13, 200622 mins
With Alan's luck, a jog on the beach ends with being arrested by the police, mistaken for an escaping criminal. When he seeks psychiatric help, Dr. Linda Freeman looks down on the chiropractor, demands prompt payment and suggests his key problem is jealousy of good brother Charlie, who 'never bears the consequences of his love life'. When Charlie is forced by Alan to babysit Jake and his girlfriend, Taylor, he promises Jake that he won't date her mother, Kelly (the surest way to make the boy's social life even more isolated) after seeing her. That is, if Jake waxes his car. Charlie is caught kissing her, anyhow, on Taylor's web-cam. Jake's revenge proves to be Alan's dream medicine.
Episode 9
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Mon, Nov 20, 200622 mins
After being stuck with the check despite Alan announcing "my treat" at the movies only to have "forgotten his wallet", Charlie still takes him on a double-date at his girl's insistence, but follows Alan's every move in the bathroom to stop him from bailing again, only to learn that both girls have left with a celebrity who paid for the four of them, to Charlie's anger and cheapskate Alan's joy. Jake didn't want a babysitter but actually welcomed Rose in to watch a horror video. The next morning, pizza-guy Gordon gets a $50 tip just for waiting to hear Alan scream when he can't find his wallet, then it turns up empty while Charlie waves $5,000 cash he also found, said to be for "old Alan".
Episode 10
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Mon, Nov 27, 200622 mins
Alan needs Kandi to agree to sell her condo to avoid bankruptcy, but all he gets is sexual satisfaction. Meanwhile, Charlie's bossy girlfriend Lydia proves particularly invasive, to his great worry probably even the marrying kind, and tells Berta to learn her place, so the "maid" (ha!) makes sure Charlie remembers his: exactly where alpha-dog Berta tells the Harper boys to be. So having promised Lydia that Berta will do her laundry, he needs Alan to teach him how to do it himself. When they make him choose between his "mistresses", Charlie lies to both.
Episode 11
Walnuts and Demerol
Mon, Dec 11, 200622 mins
Charlie happily prepares to spend Christmas Eve as any pleasant night, getting lustily laid, this time by easy girl Gloria. As a good sport he allows the commoner's tradition, exchanging presents, to skin his wallet again, even smiling to Jake, grossly in the case of Berta, who milks him and still starts the infuriating practice of hanging around in his beach-house, making Charlie's sex chase a spectator sport, something Rose masters as with everything he ever did. Judith even brought her new fiancé, pediatrician Herb, and unreasonable as ever threatens her ex Alan because his other ex Kandi proves a sex-magnet for 'free diagnosing' Herb. Still Gloria gets between Charlie's sheets, but this time ma Evelyn is determined to deny him this particular partner, only she can't bring herself to say why; Gloria's mother Dorothy comes drop that bombshell from the Seventies...
Episode 12
Castrating Sheep in Montana
Mon, Jan 8, 200722 mins
Alan lets a girlfriend pierce his ear. Charlie sneers that it's badly infected--and that side is a gay signal. Finding Berta in his bed after minding her daughter Naomi's baby and hearing them curse the scumbag who seduced her, Charlie soon guesses that's Alan and warns his brother it's his old damsel-in-distress complex and Berta can physically take him on easily. Seeing the "couple" pretend not to remember each other, Bertha welcomes him into the family and showers her best-ever potential son-in-law-to-be with treats; Alan wants out, but Charlie tells him just don't break up until she dumps him, as they always do. Meanwhile, undeniably dim Jake keeps winning at gambling against Charlie. Naomi makes Alan bring the Harpers over for a family dinner at Berta's, even Evelyn who decides to "cut him loose" right there. Then the baby's actual father, Hector, turns up.
Episode 13
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Mon, Jan 22, 200722 mins
Charlie and Berta are too much amused to allow neurotic Alan, who tries desperately, to stop them from intervening when Alan 'answers' Jake's questions about sex and facts about ma Judith's sex-life with Dr. Herb. Ma Harper tells Charlie she's 'selling his place because of his bad divorce' to old Japanese Hiroshi, as a method to keep the client on a string till she has a beach-house on sale. This makes Charlie remember a trauma at age eighth, when he surprised ma with a mustached man; he even discusses it with crazy psychologist Rose, who considers it 'boring' for a repressed memory, he fears there is more, as there were so many unrelated 'Uncles', so he goes to ma's place, only...
Episode 14
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Mon, Feb 5, 200722 mins
Alan complains to Charlie that Jake had access to his computer with a 'saucy' movie, starring his present fling Vanessa. Berta refuses to buy the acidophilus (somehow healthy) milk Alan insists on. Jake's chucked-down skateboard proves a painful obstacle for Charlie everywhere in and around the beach house. Charlie's attractive, classy new neighbor Danielle is filthy rich since her divorce eight years ago, and the marrying kind. When Danielle asks for the same milk, Charlie hopes to match Alan to her so he can be free again, actively Cupid-coaches the romantic moron, and actually gets them dating repeatedly. Danielle admits to Charlie all her relationships failed because once drunk, she becomes a bisexual slut, twisted enough for the ladies-man to chase and steal her himself. After a glass too many, Danielle proposes a trio, the brothers refuse. Shopping in person for the damned milk, Charlie meets Eva...
Episode 15
My Damn Stalker
Mon, Feb 12, 200722 mins
Charlie is disappointed to find Alan isn't surfing for porn, like any healthy bachelor, but his own brother uses a dating service. Still good soul Charlie accepts to play the poor in-living brother when Alan's first date comes, and so has a farewell dinner with his adoring and unavoidable stalker Rose, who tells him she's leaving for London because of her rich family's business interests. Jake is pissed at his uncle for not making his ideal tutor stay, and Berta feels he's missing out on an ideal mate. Alan's date Beverly turns out tower-tall and another romantic serial looser, so bad even he looks like a good catch, but she has a secret fetish. Charlie believed Rose was only pretending, still goes to tell her not to leave, he digs her; then, he is horrified to find her house empty.
Episode 16
Young People Have Phlegm Too
Mon, Feb 19, 200722 mins
Charlie is getting older, making love every day or more exhausts him physically, to the point of needing a rest between bangs. So he needs to take his girl Robin -24, about half his age- out again, and brings Alan dancing to a club for her 24-year, ugly girlfriend, a recipe for a miserable night followed by a brotherly row. Then Charlie gets chest-pains, Alan brings him to hospital, clearly worried even more when he hears the beach-house inheritance comes with a mortgage. After Dr. Prajneep finds it's only gas, Alan takes Charlie to a 'fountain of youth' for their age...
Episode 17
I Merely Slept with a Commie
Mon, Feb 26, 200722 mins
After finding out that their mother was only one of a few in attendance at her friend's funeral, Charlie and Alan inform her that she will be in the same situation when her time comes...and then regret telling her that and go to extremes in making up for it.
Episode 18
It Never Rains in Hooterville
Mon, Mar 19, 200722 mins
While Charlie is rather pleased Jake is naturally riping into puberty at least in terms of horniness, dad Alan nostalgically remembers his 'baby boy', precisely what the teenager wants to shake and forget. After both talk to Charlie, Alan takes Jake camping for another 'father-son-experience' although he never had it, a disaster drowned in rain and filial boredom. Back home, Alan tells his second ex Kandi, who is auditioning for a CSI-type detective series 'Stiffs', he reconsidered the one thing that broke them up: he wants another kid to keep on fathering...
Episode 19
Smooth as a Ken Doll
Mon, Apr 9, 200721 mins
Alan is ecstatic to go hand Judith her very last alimony check now that she's about to marry Herb, but the groom's sister Myra, an economics teacher, is a match for the bitch driving both men to despair, so Alan insists the Harpers take her along to a family movie. Of course she hooks up with Charlie, who insists that when Judith finally gets Mira to leave that she must stay in his beach house. While there Charlie gets unknown, deep feelings for her and seems to lose his taste for dumb, greedy one-night-stands. Well-known creaking bed-sounds soon prove that Jake could have kept his room.
Episode 20
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Mon, Apr 16, 200722 mins
Alan's dream of freedom is about to come true now that his ex Judith is getting remarried to Dr. Herb Melnick. He worries that Charlie, who is having sex with Herb's sister, Myra, will somehow ruin it for him again. Getting Jake prepared for the ceremony is just a dirty routine problem. Charlie stands in for the sick relative who was to walk bridesmaid Myra to the altar, just to infuriate Judith. He's after some fun but gets a bitter aftertaste.
Episode 21
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Mon, Apr 23, 200722 mins
When Alan befriends the charming, divorced, openly gay Greg, whose teenage daughter gets on great with Jake, Charlie gets both Harper brothers worried if Greg may be 'interested', or 'worse', either of them in men. Charlie goes as far as consulting the greedy shrink Dr. Linda Freeman to be reassured about his beloved straight sexuality, but it's Alan who puts his queer fear to the test...
Episode 22
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Mon, Apr 30, 200722 mins
Charlie promises to help Jake prepare a book report, due Monday, while Alan goes to the DMV, but sugar Uncle tells the lazy kid to take it easy all Saturday till the deadline starts itching, as he does with a jingle deadline. Although doing the gambler's homework is lost on Jake, sheer luck makes him win over $1,000 on impossible odds. Alan was dumb enough to give his DMV number -he bragged about getting a nice low one by calling in for an appointment- away to a young mother, obviously unworthy of help. Alan wants to confiscate Jake's winnings for a not yet existing college fund, but Charlie insists to let him spend it, alas after a few minor luxuries on something nobody enjoys in the end...
Episode 23
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
Mon, May 7, 200722 mins
Charlie falls through his deck railing, so Alan uses a handyman coupon to engage Fernando(Enrique Iglesias) with a 20% discount for repairs. The handsome Latino is very polite, honest, competent, price-worthy, and hardworking, and a professional. Alas, Fernando has a good quality too many: his hot hunky body pleases the ladies even more then suave Charlie does, to the point that they all invent excuses to be near him and chase their "rivals" while Alan calls him "a younger and better-looking version of you, Charlie'", and he even has a beautiful singing voice. Jealous Charlie considers firing him, but Alan makes him see how unfair that is and when confronted, Fernando says "You're a good man, Charlie. I respect you. You remind me of my sainted father..." Eventually Charlie fires Fernando when he finds him at his girlfriend Chloe's place, but not before he finds him another job--at Berta's--and wins Chloe back with his never-depleting money-power: another sweet victory for ever-suave Charlie.
Episode 24
Prostitutes and Gelato
Mon, May 14, 200721 mins
The Harper brothers suddenly see their evil mother Evelyn with another man, Teddy Leopold, a businessman from Denver. Initially Charlie refuses to get attached again. Ma's men tend to disappear, dead or alive, and leave the boys 'orphaned' too often already, but Alan is childishly happy to be invited by private jet for front seats at a Las Vegas boxing match. When Charlie is persuaded to give Teddy a chance, they are both assured that he is the step-dad they want. Alas Evelyn dumps him, as he wants to settle down. She even has another lover, Hugo, who is just 'better endowed' down there, until his health lets him down...
