Question: Why is it that every time I send you a question, I see another, very similar one in your column that you've answered? I've been sending my questions to you religiously, yet you choose to ignore me? Why? — Leila Ausiello: Do your friends by any chance call you Princess Leila?
Question: Any chance with Rob Lowe's two recent bombs (Lyon's Den, dr. vegas) he'll be reappearing in The West Wing's new administration? — Linda Ausiello: I checked with my spies over at NBC and they haven't heard anything about a possible Lowe comeback. Seems like a long shot considering it was a pretty bitter split.
Question: Have you noticed that some of the gals on The View are starting to ignore know-it-all Star (Jones) Reynolds? — Lucky Ausiello: Well, the comp-crazy newlywed looked pretty chummy with cohost Joy Behar when the two attended a, um, free screening of The Aviator last Thursday. They certainly were happier than my colleague Angel Cohn, who, despite having RSVPd three years ago, was turned away at the door because it was "overbooked." Angel even offered to sit on Bridezilla's lap, but to no avail.
Question: OK, I have to admit that you made my weekend! Seeing you on the TV Guide Channel dishing about the Top 5 TV moments of the week was totally unexpected and decisively thrilling! Who knew you'd be cuter in front of the TV camera than in pictures? How adorable can one person be? There oughta be a law, Michael! — Stace Ausiello: Were we separated at birth, Stacey? Because I was thinking the same exact thing when I saw me on Friday. For those in the dark, the TV Guide Channel is using yours truly as a featured commentator (or as I like to call it, a "fundit") for their new "Big 5" segment, which runs at the top of What's On every Friday at 7 pm/ET (and is then replayed countless times over the weekend). It's a great gig — way better than hosting some late-late-late-late-night talk show on CBS, that's for darn sure.
Question: With The O.C. struggling in the ratings, is there any chance Fox will move it back to Wednesday at 9 pm/ET after American Idol? — Kevin R Ausiello: Publicly, Fox execs insist they're thrilled with the show's performance on Thursday night. Privately, I think they're hoping Marissa's upcoming lesbian fling will goose the Nielsens. Bottom line: Ask me again in January.
Question: I've been a bit shocked by UPN's decision to order a full season of Veronica Mars. I love the show, but isn't it the usual deal that the unique shows seem to get canceled due to poor ratings? (Don't get me started on Firefly, Angel and Wonderfalls.) Why do you think Veronica Mars was given a chance? — Kristen H. Ausiello: Simply put, UPN hasn't had a show that generated this much buzz since they stole Buffy from WB four years ago. And in Hollywood, good buzz can sometimes be as important as ratings — especially for a struggling weblet like UPN. Speaking of which, network president Dawn Ostroff dropped by TV Guide's New York offices/cubicles last week for a little meet-and-greet and sounded optimistic about Veronica's long-term prospects. She cited the current mall tour that Kristen Bell and Co. are on as one way the network is trying to get the word out. And while a mall tour sounds way too che
Question: Are we there... yet? — Robb Ausiello: Nope. We must've taken a wrong turn at "The Watercooler" because none of this looks remotely familiar.
Question: First, your column is pretty hilarious and entertaining. Second, I have a question about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Why is the rag doll considered a misfit toy? My two daughters asked me and I haven't a clue. — Dawn Ausiello: Someone forgot to give the poor thing a nose. It's a pretty sad story, actually.
Question: I was quite surprised to see Evangeline Lilly of Lost in one of those late-night 900-number sex-chat commercials when I was in California visiting the folks last month. Have you seen it? An ex-con and a phone-sex peddler?? Kate, you've been very naughty. — Julie Ausiello: I haven't seen it, but I heard that Jimmy Kimmel ran a clip of it on his show. Apparently, all the other girls in it were all slutted out except Evangeline, who was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. Bummer.
Question: Are you mad that we have to wait until January for a new Lost? — Alexis Ausiello: More depressed than mad. But three weeks isn't that long. It could be worse...
Question: Where can I get some of that Snapple lip balm you referred to in last week's "Ask Ausiello"? Please tell me it exists. — Carrie Ausiello: Oh, it exists. I got a raspberry-flavored one from a friend and it took every ounce of willpower in me not to swallow the thing whole. It's available in all of the classic Snapple flavors and I'm pretty sure you can find it at your local CVS or Rite Aid.
Question: I am being harassed at work for admitting I enjoy Felicity and Gilmore Girls. As a single male I need some snappy comebacks to assert my manliness. Apparently, stating that one owns all seven seasons of Buffy does not help in that area. — Steve D. Ausiello: Hang a picture of Matt Leinart holding his new Heisman Trophy in your office/cubicle and repeat after me: "Fight on, Trojans! Beat the Sooners!" Works every time.
Question: You're so unbelievably witty and funny! Are you for real? — Gwen D. Ausiello: Yep. All 102 lbs. of me!
Question: How famous do you think you are? Well, apparently famous enough for L.A.'s KIIS FM 102.7 with Ryan Seacrest to use your "Entertainment News" on their morning show. I read your column religiously because I enjoy your humor/spin on things. So, imagine my surprise when I was listening to their entertainment report and realized I had heard it already. From where? You! — Athan (like Nathan without the first "N") Ausiello: So, let me get this straight, Nathan: They lifted my items verbatim and without attribution? I may have to introduce Mr. Seacrest to my new friend Anita Lawyer.
Question: What is your favorite ride at Disney? — Donnie W. Ausiello: I'm kinda partial to the monorail.
Question: The Smurfs originated in Belgium, not Greece, or Germany. The Smurfs' native tongue is French. I'm a little disappointed in you that you didn't know this, considering how Smurfy you are. — Brent Ausiello: Did I say I was into Smurfs? I meant Snorks. My bad.
Question: I'm a guy who married a great woman this May. How great? She — yes, she — suggested we get married in matching, personalized Red Sox jerseys. I'm sure this is why they won the World Series. Anyway, in addition to all of the other stuff that she so rightly deserves for Christmas, I'd love to add the Playing It Straight cards as a stocking stuffer for her. Do you still have them? If so, I can dig up some old Smurf stuff for trade. Thanks — Chris Romeo Ausiello: I received many heartfelt requests (OK, three) for this particular piece of swag after mentioning it in a recent "Ask Ausiello," but this one was by far my favorite. There's nothing more romantic than a straight dude begging for a deck of gay cards to give to his wife for Christmas. Chris, the cards are in the mail, buddy. And no need to dig up your old Smurf stuff — unless you possess Smurf with Christmas Wreath #51906. That I'll take. Speaking of which, I'd like to interrupt
Question: Dude, I saw your pic on your website, and you're quite the cutie. But why are you wearing lipstick? And a shade that so obviously doesn't go with your outfit? — Stephie M Ausiello: It's that damn Snapple lip balm. It's addictive, I tell ya. Addictive!
Question: Am I alone in being annoyed at last Thursday's Without a Trace? They focused the entire hour on Malone's divorce proceedings. While I found the story interesting and I don't mind adding personal issues to the plots, I don't enjoy tuning into a show about missing persons and finding no missing people. Thanks for letting me vent. Smurf out. — Kelly Ausiello: That episode served one purpose and one purpose only: To get Anthony LaPaglia an Emmy. We'll find out next September if it worked.
Question: Is the Sci Fi Channel still planning on a new Battlestar Galactica series? If so, do you know when it will air? — David Ausiello: Jan. 21 at 10 pm/ET.
Question: Hey Mike! I love reading your stuff — it's hard to be informative and funny too, but you pull it off. Just a quick suggestion: how 'bout a quick spoiler warning before you let us know "They almost killed Charlie" in "Entertainment News (12/9)" Some of us tape Lost the night it airs and then watch it later in the week. Other than that, keep up the great work. Merry Christmas! — Josh S. Ausiello: Yeah, I pissed a fair number of people off when I used my column to vent about Charlie's gut-wrenching near-death experience on last week's Lost. And while I see your point, how is that different than, say, me reporting on who won Survivor, or who got booted from The Apprentice? Sometimes, major plot twists (like Mrs. Huber's death on Desperate Housewives) qualify as news, and to ignore them would defeat the purpose of my daily column, no? Besides, if I didn't ruin it for you
Question: Is the second season of Arrested Development being written by the same people? Since my husband and I bought the first-season DVDs we (and pretty much everyone we know) have watched it like six or seven times. But the new episodes seems to be completely lacking in spark. Why, I ask... why? — Audrey Ausiello: Yeah, the writing has been a smidge uneven this season. The whole Tobias/Blue Man Group gag went on two episodes too long and that Ann chick is getting way too much airtime if you ask me. But even at its worst (that Mexico episode comes to mind), Arrested is still the second-best comedy on the air. Besides, don't all great shows suck a little in their sophomore seasons?