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Family Guy Season 5 Episodes
Season 5 Episode Guide
18 Episodes 2006 - 2007
Episode 1
Stewie Loves Lois
Sun, Sep 10, 200622 mins
Stewie suddenly begins to appreciate everything his mother does for him and feels deeply affected to her. Lois is content at first, but as Stewie's affection grows close to manic - with Stewie being on her back 24/7 and threatening Brian to stop hitting on her - she becomes worn out. Meanwhile, Peter goes to see his doctor to get a flu vaccine because of a current wave of infections. While there, his doctor finds out Peter has never had a prostrate exam, so he recommends his to perform one. Peter agrees, not knowing how it works and feeling raped when his doctor tries to examine him. When he finds out all his friends have had the same experience, he decides to sue his doctor for rape.
Episode 2
Mother Tucker
Sun, Sep 17, 200622 mins
Peter's mom starts dating Tom Tucker; Brian and Stewie host their own raunchy radio program.
Episode 3
Hell Comes to Quahog
Sun, Sep 24, 200630 mins
Meg becomes frustrated with Peter's neglectful parenting after he forgets to pick her up at the roller rink. Meg decides to have her own car so she won't rely on Peter to drive her, instead of getting the car she wanted, Peter stupidly buys a tank from the car dealership owner. Peter starts causing trouble with the tank and he teaches Meg how to use the tank, but Joe gets injured and he furiously impounds the tank. Meg becomes even more angrier at Peter, she decides to get a job at a brand new mega store, but it causes problems for the Griffin family and the citizens of Quahog. Peter, his friends, and the townsfolk start to protest against the mega store, but Peter betrays them and he starts to work at the store with Meg as his supervisor. Peter starts to cause even more trouble at the store and the manager forces Meg to fire her father for his incompetence, instead Meg decides to quit her job. Brian and Stewie use the tank to destroy the mega store, the two succeed on getting rid of the store for good and all of the power that Superstore USA has siphoned from the city is restored. At home, the Griffins are relieved that the giant mega store is finally gone.
Episode 4
Saving Private Brian
22 mins
Stewie and Brian join the army and are sent to Iraq; Chris becomes the lead singer of a rock band.
Episode 5
Whistle While Your Wife Works
30 mins
Lois must fill in for Peter when he injures himself after he combines a bunch of fireworks in a attempt to blow them up at the same time. Peter begins to pressure Lois to make love to him in his office but she tries to reject his advances, Lois finally gives in and the two have sex, causing Opie to run away in shock. Meanwhile, Stewie realizes Brian is dating Jillian, who is dim-witted. Stewie tries to get Brian to break up with Jillian, but when he tries to break up with her, he ends up seeing her naked and he has sex with her.
Episode 6
Prick Up Your Ears
Sun, Nov 19, 200630 mins
Lois becomes the school's sex ed teacher, but is fired for having "radical" views; Stewie attempts to kill the Tooth Fairy.
Episode 7
Chick Cancer
Sun, Nov 26, 200630 mins
Stewie tries to win over retired child actress Olivia; Peter makes his own chick flick.
Episode 8
Barely Legal
Sun, Dec 17, 200622 mins
Meg can't find a date to her junior prom, and even though he is dating Jillian, Brian ends up going with Meg. At the prom, Brian gets drunk to make the night pass, but ends up making out with Meg. Meg begins to think of Brian as her boyfriend and becomes obsessed with spending every moment with him. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police force to help Brian.
Episode 9
Road to Rupert
Fri, Feb 2, 200722 mins
Brian sells Rupert at a garage sale. Stewie, who is upset with Brian, takes him cross country to Colorado to find his beloved teddy, and ends up having a ski-off to win back Rupert. Meanwhile, Peter loses his license, so Meg has to drive him around.
Episode 10
Peter's Two Dads
Sun, Feb 11, 200721 mins
Peter and Lois upset Meg when they forget that her 17th birthday is a few days away, then hastily plan a totally lame birthday party. Peter gets drunk, makes a fool of himself, and dresses up as a hobo clown and attempts to drive a unicycle down a set of stairs, but he is unable to control the unicycle and falls over the banister. He lands atop his father Francis, who is critically injured. Surrounded by the family, Francis briefly awakens to tell Peter "You're a fat, stinking drunk!", then dies. Peter is depressed over his father's death and attempts to turn to crack. Eventually, Brian refers Peter to a hypnotherapist who gets him to reveal that Francis is not his biological father. Peter visits Thelma, who admits that he was conceived from her affair with an Irishman 40 years earlier. This man has remained in Ireland, and Brian and Peter travel there to look for him. They encounter a man named Mickey McFinnigan, the town drunk. At first Mickey refuses to believe that he is Peter's biological father, so Peter challenges him to a beer-drinking contest. Peter wins, which convinces Mickey "because only a member of my family could beat me at drinking", and they celebrate their newfound relationship. In the subplot, Lois disciplines Stewie when he persists in his highly possessive misbehavior, but rather than get the hint, Stewie discovers that he is a sadomasochist, and when Lois apologizes for her actions, he deliberately misbehaves so that his mother will keep hitting him. He eventually decides that his demands are too creepy and stops.
Episode 11
The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Sun, Feb 18, 200721 mins
Chris finds himself in competition with another paper boy who has been taking all of his customers. Kyle starts to bully Chris non-stop and Peter takes matters into his own hands and he tries to stop Kyle from bullying his son. Kyle starts insulting Peter, causing him to angrily beat Kyle up repeatedly. Peter leaves Kyle's room without incident and he heads back home. Brian notices Peter's panicking demeanor and he assures his friend everything is fine. Lois soon gets a call from Kyle's mom and she realizes that Peter is responsible for beating up Kyle. Lois chastises Peter for hurting a teenager, she forces Peter to apologize to Kyle and he accepts Peter's apology, the two begin to bond over their love of bullying. Peter starts harassing his loved ones. Lois finally talks some sense into Peter after he removes Cleveland's pants in front of everyone, causing Peter to realize that he should get revenge on Randy. Peter takes Chris to an insurance company where Randy works so he can enact his revenge, but Randy reveals he has M.S., Peter doesn't buy it and he proceeds to take down Randy by himself, causing Chris to fight back and he tells his father that he has gone too far. Peter apologizes for his actions. Meanwhile, Stewie gets a tan after Peter takes him to a golf game with his friends. Stewie becomes obsessed with his tan, he buys a tanning bed so he can keep his complexion, but he gets a sunburn after staying in the tanning bed for too long. After a few days, Stewie's sunburn wears off and he notices a strange mole on his body. Stewie goes to the doctor with Brian and he begins to assume the worst. Stewie starts doing the things on his bucket list. Brian gets a call from Dr. Hartman and he assures Stewie that he doesn't have cancer.
Episode 12
Airport '07
Sun, Mar 4, 200721 mins
Peter takes Quagmire to work but ends up causing him to lose his job as a pilot. After not being able find another, Peter, Cleveland and Joe make plans to help him get his old job back. When the plan fails, Quagmire receives advice from his idol, Hugh Hefner.
Episode 13
Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey
Sun, Mar 11, 200721 mins
Peter's attempts to become physically fit lead to a friendship with Bill Clinton, which inadvertently nearly destroys Peter & Lois' marriage.
Episode 14
No Meals on Wheels
Sun, Mar 25, 200722 mins
After Peter finds a valuable coin and sells it for $50, 000, he opens his own restaurant, but things don't end well when he bans Joe and all of his handicapped friends.
Episode 15
Boys Do Cry
Sun, Apr 29, 200722 mins
Lois gets a job as the church organist, so the family decides to begin going back to church. When Stewie gets sick after receiving communion, the congregation becomes convinced that he has been possessed by the devil. While on the run, the family ends up in Texas, where Peter begins to fit right in with the cowboys, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant, and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush's house.
Episode 16
No Chris Left Behind
Sun, May 6, 200730 mins
After being expelled for having the lowest average standardized test score, Chris is accepted into a snobby private school, forcing the family to struggle to pay the tuition.
Episode 17
It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One
Sun, May 13, 200730 mins
Lois runs for mayor of Quahog, though she doesn't become the front-runner until she dumbs down her political views. Once in office, she becomes corrupted with the power that she now holds, and begins accepting bribes so that she can buy herself expensive things. Meanwhile, Peter comes to enjoy being the "first lady" of Quahog, and all of the perks that go along with it.
Episode 18
Meet the Quagmires
Wed, May 23, 200722 mins
Death grants Peter's wish to go back in time to 1984 to be 18 again, but when he bails on Lois, he soon learns he's alters the present, where Lois is married to Quagmire.
