Question: Will you be getting a big fat raise for this amazing new column of yours? — Pam Ausiello Ausiello: What a coincidence — my sister-in-law's name is Pam Ausiello, too! To answer your question, I don't do this for the money, Pam. I do it for the fans. Folks like Anita Cashinfusion, Ivana Biggerpaycheck, I.M. Whoreforgreen... and the list goes on.
Question: How much longer do you think 7th Heaven will last? — Erica Taylor Ausiello: Series creator Barbara Hampton initially hinted that this would be the show's last season, but when I spoke to her over the summer she backed down from that claim. My gut tells me the Camdens will be back next fall for a 10th and final season.
Question: Just to let you know, you almost got me fired at work today. That picture you posted of Elisabeth Rohm's "replacement" made me laugh so loud I disturbed my entire department. Luckily, I was able to show them the picture and explain it away. Can I see your Smurf collection sometime? — Jerome Ausiello: What part? The PVC's, the Supers, the footwear.... You need to be more specific, Jerome.
Question: Could you get some inside news on Muppets' Wonderful Wizard of Oz? We all know who is starring in it, but what's it about? When will it air? Are there any publicity photos yet? Come on, pull some strings for me, will ya? — Dan Ausiello: Great news: Piggy helped me secure an exclusive first look at Muppets' Wonderful Wizard of Oz. It'll run in my "TV News" column in TV Guide magazine in a few weeks, so keep an eye out for that. In the meantime, I can tell you that the movie is a retelling of The Wizard of Oz from a uniquely Muppet perspective. According to my spies on the set, Piggy gives a career-defining performance as all four witches — Wicked Witch of the East, Wicked Witch of the West, the Good Witch of the North and Glinda, the Good Witch of the South. As one insider put it, "If moi, um, Miss Piggy, doesn't win an Emmy for this thing, someone's gonna pay!"
Question: Any chance the WB will make a Dawson's Creek movie showing where they went after the show ended, kind of like they did with the group from Saved By the Bell? — Stephanie Ausiello: Lord, I hope not.
Question: I love you! Are you gay? Not that it matters, I'm just curious. — Karen Ausiello: Congratulations, Karen! You're the winner of this week's "I can't believe you're asking me this. It's insulting, honestly. It's absolutely insulting" Award for the "Ask Ausiello" question with the most obvious answer! Please come forward to accept your Smurf Colorforms!
Question: You are a funny, funny man. But I still miss Buffy more than Felicity. Naa naa na boo boo. — Taunja Ausiello: Did you just put a curse on me?
Question: Can you tell me why CBS stopped airing The District and Yes, Dear? — Tim Sevarino Ausiello: Let's see, how can I put this? One was boring and the other was bad.
Question: Your column is so witty that I find myself calling my Marine Corps husband at his office to tell him the latest! He can't receive this newsletter due to restrictions on his PC. Can you give a shout-out, via me, to Rich? — Lisa Ausiello: Hey, this isn't the Today show, folks. In any event, Rich, drop and gimme 10!
Question: What time and station is the quilting program on Saturday morning? — L.N. Kent Ausiello: Send me those secret password ideas, people!
Question: I can't take this column seriously. It's blatant self-promotion that gives very little insight on television. This website isn't called Ausiello Guide. — Manon Ausiello: Thanks for your e-mail! I noticed you sent this to our general feedback area instead of "Ask Ausiello" directly. Were you trying to get a message to my boss without my knowing about it? If so, I should point out that I see everything that comes through this website — everything. But just to be safe, I've added your name to my "Watch List."
Question: Now that USA has renewed The 4400 for a second season, who will replace Mark Valley's character now that he is busy on Boston Legal? — Kathy Ausiello: Producers are still working out that issue, I'm told.
Question: I missed some episodes of Nip/Tuck this season. When will the repeats begin? — Pat Ausiello: Jan. 16.
Question: Now that Hawaii has been canceled, have you heard anything about Sharif Atkins returning to ER? — M Ausiello: "His character is technically still alive," responds his rep, "so who knows?" Actually, I do: Don't count on it, M.
Question: I just finished brunch with BD Wong; we put it on your card. Thanks. — S.B Ausiello: Yeah, just got the bill. Did you have to go to friggin' Pastis? I'm not made of money, you know.
Question: Since you know Miss Piggy on a first-name basis, what is her first name? And I don't think it's "Miss." — Cameron Ausiello: That's a great question — but one I think Miss Piggy should answer herself. Let's ring her on the Vancouver set of her latest film, Muppets' Wonderful Wizard of Oz. "Kissy kissy, 'tis moi! It is always delightful to answer your readers' questions. Like many stars (e.g., Madonna, Cher, Sting, Donald), I have but one name — Piggy. However, unlike those other lesser celebrities, my contract stipulates the need for an honorific title celebrating moi's specialness: "Empress" seemed too archaic, "Goddess" too presumptuous and "Diva" too obvious, and so I chose "Miss." Perfection itself, n'est-ce pas?"
Question: If you were stranded on an island and could only have three items, what would they be? — Cat Ausiello: A lifetime supply of you-know-what, a picture of you-know-who and a CVS pharmacy.
Question: Duh, it's Santa Barbara. Michael, how 'bout a "Members Only" entrance? — Ross Ausiello: Good idea, Ross! Help me come up with a secret password, folks.
Question: You are great! If this Texas girl ever gets to New York I would love to meet you. — Anna Ausiello: Ditto, Anna! In the meantime, please e-mail me your photo and I'll alert security downstairs that you might be dropping by.
Question: What happened to the proposed WB series Young MacGyver? Did the pilot ever air? Congratulations on getting your own column! — Bud Ausiello: The WB didn't pick up the pilot and no, it never aired. Just a heads-up, folks: Take it easy with all these research-intensive questions. This column is supposed to be fun for me, too.
Question: You are talented, witty and even man-pretty, but can you do the Hokey Pokey? Thank you and have a wonderful day! — Paige Ausiello: I've attended 17 New Jersey weddings in my lifetime, Paige. What do you think?
Question: I believe that Felicity actually did go back in time, but my stupid boyfriend thinks that none of the magic Megan did was real. What do you think? — Jen Ausiello: Jen, the show has been off the air for more than two years now. I think it's time to move on.