Question: Who's the guy that sings in the bar on American Dreams? — Brigit Ausiello: It's Ben Taylor, James Taylor and Carly Simon's son. And that completes the "legitimate questions portion" of this week's "Ask Ausiello." Now, let's get to the good stuff!
Question: I had a contest with some friends on who looked better — you or me. I won't tell you the results, but let's just say I hate you. — Michael Ausiello: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Question: How about, "ilovemike" or "mikeyisthebest" or "mikerocks" or "mikeistheman?" — Jess Kennedy. Ausiello: A little too obvious. Next...
Question: My friend and I can't decide who we'd rather go out with more, you or Daniel Coleridge. — Benjamin Ausiello: Congratulations, Benjamin! You're the winner of this week's "I can't believe you're asking me this. It's insulting, honestly. It's absolutely insulting" Award for the "Ask Ausiello" question with the most obvious answer! Please come forward to accept my autographed head shot!
Question: How did Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars do in the ratings? — Garth Ausiello: So much for the "legitimate question" cutoff. According to Nielsen pundits, the two-part miniseries averaged a "very solid but not spectacular" 2 million viewers.
Question: I didn't think I could possibly love you any more until you mentioned the Smurfs. That put you over the top. Do you remember Clockwork Smurf? — Amy Ausiello: Why, what have you heard?
Question: OK, so I think it is absolutely ridiculous that I had to click to the silly "Ask Ausiello" column to find out when Amazing Race 6 starts. — Rachel Ausiello: I know, I know. I'm trying to make this column a little less information-intensive and more random.
Question: Thanks for making me laugh at work. Do you think "Ask Ausiello" could appear more than once a week? — Rebecca Ausiello: As I explained to Pam, I live to serve my fans. So let me check with Anita Cashinfusion, Ivana Biggerpaycheck and I.M. Whoreforgreen to see if something can be worked out.
Question: What happened to the two women cohosts from Good Day Live? Jillian Barberie was one of them and I'm not sure of the other one's name. — Shannon Ausiello: Jillian Barberie and What's-her-face are still hosting the Los Angeles edition of the show, but I hear Fox wanted to bring in some more recognizable names (i.e., Debbie Matenopoulos and Arthel Neville) to helm the national broadcast. Matenopoulos weighed in on this very issue during a raucous Q&A last week with my colleague, Daniel Coleridge. It's a must-read for everyone — except maybe Star Jones.
Question: I've noticed that Hawaii is not listed either this week or next on NBC. Have they canceled it already? — Christie Ausiello: Someone needs to start reading my "Entertainment News" column. I broke that welcome bit of news on Oct. 15.
Question: Dude, "breakout star" of Napoleon Dynamite? I think not. Tina Majorino was the it-kid actor of 10 years ago. She was totally the '90s Dakota Fanning. Corrina, Corrina anyone? That chick was all over the place. — Mouse Ausiello: I knew that name sounded familiar.
Question: Warning, nerd question ahead: I heard earlier this summer that Mutant X had been whacked. Is it dead or not? — Steven Ausiello: That is a little nerdy, Steven. Regardless, yes, Mutant X has been whacked.
Question: So how does someone get to go out on a date with you? — Larry Ausiello: Well, first off, Larry, they need to e-mail me their photo so I can notify security downstairs that they might be dropping by. Then it's off to Stalker Alert for a quick drink.
Question: What happened to the cast of Forever Eden? Are they still on the island? — Brian Ausiello: I hear they're currently stranded at your friendly neighborhood Olive Garden.
Question: What will you do if, heaven forbid, people respond not just to Quintuplets, but to Center of the Universe as well? — Matt Ausiello: I'll do what I always do when I get frustrated: I'll take it out on Omarosa.
Question: Dude, I just wanted to see my name in here. If you know any hot chicks, send 'em my e-mail! — Jason Ausiello: I forwarded your e-mail address on to a certain blond bombshell in Vancouver. If I were you, I'd stay close to my Blackberry.
Question: I just discovered you today. How long have you been here? — Rose Ausiello: It'll be 33 years on Feb. 23.
Question: Not a question; just an irritating grammar correction. You wrote in last week's "Ask Ausiello" column, "I know it sounds cliché, but I have to say the biggest perk by far is the people." The much-preferred adjective is "clichéd;" "cliché" is primarily a noun and has only forced its way into the English language as an adjective through years of misuse. — Thomasina Ausiello: According to TV Guide Online's copy chief Kerri Griffith, "Cliché is right there as an adjective in Web 10, and although I personally prefer clichéd, it's a matter of taste, not right or wrong." You gonna let her talk to you like that, Thomasina?
Question: Why the heck was Everwood a rerun last Monday — three shows into a new season? — Kelly Ausiello: Actually, Kelly, it was five shows into the new season and, according to a WB rep, "that's part of the network business."
Question: Why don't you like Elisabeth Rohm? In my opinion she is just as good as Mariska, superior in looks and her name is much easier to pronounce. — Sam Ausiello: I'm liking the idea of this "Members Only" entrance more and more...
Question: How come you seem to only answer e-mail from those who compliment your hair or Keri Russell? Could this be the reason the mainstream media don't take you seriously as a news commentator? — Gary Ausiello: Makes perfect sense to me.
Question: So what was the canceled show you would bring back (10/20 "Ask Ausiello")? And hey, I'm a 33-year old Wiccan who collects ancient weapons and TV Guide covers — and I watched the Smurfs. So, let's hear it for being single! — Karen Ausiello: I'll let Ross handle the first part of your question below. And I never said I was single, Karen. Sometimes you can be such a witch.