Question: Do you know when Alias' season premiere will be? — Cindi Ausiello: It's still slated to return in January, but the time slot remains an open question — even to J.J. Abrams. "ABC is contemplating what the best spot for it is," he told me Friday. When I suggested Wednesday at 9 pm following his other baby, Lost, he said, "I would be thrilled with that."
Question: Despite the Smurf collection, I have to admit I have a bit of a crush on you. — Kathy Ausiello: Despite my Smurf collection? Despite?!?! Tell your brother Gargamel I said hello.
Question: When Desperate Housewives began, Felicity Huffman's character had four children. Why are we now only seeing the twins? Have they written the other kids out? — Peggy Ausiello: No, they're still there. I'm told producers are just focusing on the twins since they are the problem children. Personally, I just find them — and any scene they're in — utterly unwatchable.
Question: Why is it that you never talk about any of the TV programs that feature predominately Black or Latino casts? Many of those shows are better than the ones you highlight. I think you need to spend some time with [Watercooler writer] Rochell Thomas. — D.C. Diva Ausiello: Hey, some of my favorite TV shows are Black and Latino! And I've tried to be friends with Rochell, but all she wants to talk about is what happened on One on One and Half & Half — two shows I've never even heard of.
Question: I had to laugh at how vicious Sam's entry was last week in which he said Elisabeth Rohm was prettier than Mariska Hargitay. Are we in junior high school? Do I have to mention that Rohm is practically cross-eyed and almost as vapid as a Baywatch lifeguard, with less acting ability? — Melisa Ausiello: Thanks for taking the high road, Missy.
Question: I read that Keri and Nathan Lane were doing a movie called Cabbages and Queens, but suddenly it's been removed from IMDb.com and I can't find any new information about it. What happened? — Maureen Ausiello: Sadly, the financing fell through. Hey, one more note on Ms. Russell: Check out the Nov. 14 issue of TV Guide magazine (on sale 11/11) for some "TV News" scoopage about an exciting new project she may have in the pipeline.
Question: I wanted to let you know that you had me at Snapple. I found myself cracking up at work while reading your dispatches. Now I am happy to read the same smart and funny quick wit in "Ask Ausiello." Good luck and higher pay to you. — Ash B. Ausiello: Hey Brendan: Ash likes me, too!
Question: Dude, I'm so there with the Members Only entrance. If these people don't "get" your column, then I say keep 'em out! Say now, will members get a discount on Diet Raspberry Snapple? — Karen Jo Ausiello: Let's not get greedy now, Kar.
Question: I don't really think you're that funny. — Brendan Ausiello: Well, Diane and her husband do. So there.
Question: I would like to know how it is that you seem to have gotten an entire column that seems to serve no other purpose than your own entertainment. I know you are probably thinking I am just bitter, but whatever. — Cindy Ausiello: Gimme a second, Cindy. I'm still laughing at my response to Kathy above.
Question: My wife is having a baby boy in February (so no, this isn't one of those lame e-mails where someone is asking you out) and we're stuck on names. We are thinking Ben, Noel, Javier or Turk. Any other suggestions? — Len Ausiello: While that's very flattering, Len, I make it a policy not to date "Ask Ausiello" readers. Thanks for your interest, though.
Question: Although I find your "entertainment news" funny/interesting, "Ask Ausiello" is neither. You may want to get some advice from Matt Roush. — Jim Ausiello: It's unanimous!
Question: Who do you think Lorelai will choose on Gilmore Girls: Luke or Christopher? And hey, if you've got any "pull" with Amy Sherman-Palladino, tell her we're holding our breath for another Kirk cinema piece. That was priceless! — Shellee Ausiello: Considering that David Sutcliffe (aka Christopher) is only gonna be around for eight episodes this season, I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict she'll choose Luke. And I can't agree with you more about Kirk's theater night. A soy crisp almost came flying outta my nose when I saw him making out with Lulu behind the projector.
Question: Hey Michael, you don't need a CVS pharmacy if you were stranded on an island ("Ask Ausiello" 10/27). You just need me — I work at one. — Jennifer Baldwin Ausiello: Are you the one who came up with Rapid Refill? If so, you're a genius.
Question: If Karen doesn't accept her Smurf Colorforms ("Ask Ausiello" 10/27), can I have them? Please? — Daniel Ausiello: Sorry, Karen snatched those up in a heartbeat.
Question: Dude, I totally had Smurf Colorforms! Did you have the Shrinky Dinks, too? There was something about the way Handy Smurf glistened in the sunlight that drove me wild at the age of 11. — Gary Jr. Ausiello: That's it, Gary. Don't be afraid to own it.
Question: So this is your very first time working with the Muppets, right? Did you admire Jim Henson's work before doing this film? And was it a lot of fun working on it? — Eric Ausiello: Did I get cast in a Muppet movie and no one told me?
Question: Congrats on such a great column. From one huge Santa Barbara fan to another, I just wanted to say I hope they never make a Dawson's Creek movie unless it's a very special episode where they all die. — Jeff Ausiello: Now that I'd watch.
Question: A major character is going to get whacked on Desperate Housewives? Who, Michael, who? For the love of all that is holy this had better not turn out like that huge tease Melrose Place had years back when they promised two people on the show would die and it was a plumber and someone no one gave a crap about. Any clues? Please, please please? I'm begging you, Michael. I must know! — Poodle McClure Ausiello: ABC has sworn me to secrecy about which Wisterian is getting offed later this month. But I suppose I could drop a teensy clue. (Warning: spoiler alert!) It's not — I repeat, it's not — Susan. ABC's gonna kill me. In related news, I think I just answered my first question from a drag queen.
Question: Yes I am writing to you. Yes I read "Entertainment News" every morning. Yes, my husband and I love your work and laugh out loud at your comments. But no worries, I am too busy to become a stalker. No need to notify security. — Diane Ausiello: Just to be safe, would you mind faxing me a recent photo of you and your hubby? I can't afford to take any chances.
Question: So now that you not-so-subtly listed your birthday, what gifts are you hoping will be sent your way next year? — Robert Ausiello: Actually, in lieu of gifts, I'm asking that folks make a donation to one of my three favorite charities: The Anita Laptop Fund, the Ivana Wickedtix Center and the I.M. Jonesingforanipod Health Initiative. All contributions are tax-deductible.
Question: Love your column! How 'bout some scoop on the next season of Deadwood? Hearing anything about a premiere date? — Dave Ausiello: Hey, this is a legitimate question — no fair! The second season is slated to kick off March 6 at 9 pm. And sorry, I got no scoopage. Save for getting Stacy Rotner to shut up, there's nothing harder than trying to get spoilers on an HBO show.