Bachelor in Paradise's fifth seasonis over. Do you remember a time before this season? I don't. The Bachelorette feels like it happened years ago. And after this there's no more Bach until Colton in Januarie. I'm OK with that.
The reunion show brought all the couples and former couples back together for a Chris Harrison-moderated chat. But first, we had to have some proposals.
Back in Paradise, the show started with Annaliese and Kamil waking up in the fantasy suite. "I am so in love with Kamil," engagement-crazed Annaliese said about the man who four days ago said she was a friend. Annaliese has known Kamil for about a week. Annaliese needs to get it together. But then Kamil said he loved her too, so maybe she's not making it all up in her head. He said he knew she was ready to get engaged, but he wasn't. He needed to move at a normal human pace. She was disappointed, but she said she understood. Lol do you think they're gonna make it????
Annaliese: I totally agree— Haley Agard (@HaleyAgard) September 12, 2018
Narrator: *Annaliese did not agree*#BachelorInParadise
Then Jordan and Jenna had their moment. He proposed to her. But did you read what Reality Steve reported about Jenna? Apparently she was in a relationship with another guy throughout her relationship with Jordan and was planning to toss Jordan aside when the time was right. It's very duplicitous and cruel if it's true, which Reality Steve says it is. And as of airtime neither Jenna nor Jordan have responded. Poor Jordan.
Then it was Chrystal. They were drinking green juice in the fantasy suite. Right before he proposed to her, he did a fakeout where it seemed like he was about to break up with her, which shows that he's not ready. "I'm gonna be Mrs. Goose!" Krystal said. Nooooo.
Throws all the tomatoes at the TV and then vomits after watching Chris's fake-out attempt #BachelorInParadise— lusty tire fire 🍷 (@wine_canine) September 12, 2018
The show wrapped up all the small storylines real quick. Venmo John is a player and a pimp and he made out with SEVEN GIRLS in Paradise. He left with Olivia, but then he broke up with her because he didn't want to do a long-distance relationship. But then Olivia revealed he's been FaceTiming Chelsea. Spill it! Angela said Eric's gaslighting "irked" her. He still doesn't get it. Benoit and Jordan rehashed their fight over Jenna that I had already forgotten about. Colton and Tia are on friendly terms. Jordan and David settled their differences and hugged it out.
OMG MY FAVORITE COUPLE DAVID AND JORDAN! #BachelorinParadise— Michelle Rivera (@e___rivera) September 12, 2018
After the commercial break, our No. 1 girl Astrid was in the hot seat. Astrid got dumped out of nowhere by Kevin on last night's episode. They've been kinda seeing each other, but she doesn't trust him anymore. Kevin came out and tried to explain again that the idea of going to the fantasy suite again after everything that happened with his ex-fiancée Ashley caused him to freak out. I guess he was away from his therapist for too long. He took complete responsibility for what happened and said he was in love with her. And she said she was in love with him, too. Chris Harrison and I wish them both the best.
Kendall was up next. We don't like Kendall anymore for mistreating our No. 1 boy Grocery Store Joe. She tried to act like she didn't know how he felt about her, but really she just wasn't that into him and tried to transfer the blame to him. He was very clear about being very into her. "When did you first realize you made a huge mistake?" Chris Harrison asked her. Immediately, she said. And so she went straight to Chicago to try to talk it over with him. On camera. Hmm. I hope they talked about it off-camera first. She said she's in love with him. He said he didn't know if he could get there again with her.
Then our special boy came out from backstage and gave a brief, inarticulate recap of what had happened with Kendall since they linked back up. "I love her," Joe said, finally. They're in a long-distance relationship, but then Chris Harrison gave them the opportunity to be in the same city: Joe is going to be in LA, where Kendall lives, for Dancing with the Stars. He's doing Dancing with the Stars. Like an actual famous person. What an extraordinary run for a guy who got eliminated from The Bachelorette on night one.
Annaliese. Annaliese, Annaliese, Annaliese. She told Chris Harrison that she and Kamil are "in a good spot." Then Kamil came out. He said he's not the right guy for her because he lost the spark once they were out of Paradise. He DUMPED HER ON TV. "We booked an Airbnb to spend the week together," she said. WOW. The crowd started booing him. "Annaliese, what do you want right now?" Chris Harrison asked her. "To get off this stage." She went backstage and sobbed. Poor Annaliese. She came back out and said she tried to break up with him two weeks ago because she was giving "90 percent" and he was giving "10 percent," but he said he was going to try harder. But he was just waiting to dump her on TV. "I wish I wasn't doing this like this," he said. WHAT? He got booed out of the studio. It ruled. I hope Warner Bros. pays for Annaliese's therapy. Or at least her Airbnb.
They showed Kamil and Annaliese backstage having a conversation offstage. It wasn't as raw as Arie and Becca, but it was that kind of vibe. And Annaliese said goodbye to him forever. I HOPE.
Kamil says douchebag like a douchebag😂 #BACHELORINPARADISE— Aly Hoffman (@alyyyyyh) September 12, 2018
There was some good news: Airbnb is gonna hook Annaliese up!
Jordan and Jenna. Watching them happy together after reading about what Jenna supposedly did to Jordan was painful. Jordan said he wanted to have a baby "slid onto a pan in the oven" by the time he was 28. She said she "doesn't ever want to live without him." And they set a wedding date! June 9, 2019! In Paradise! With Chris Harrison officiating! Nooooo! I feel so bad.
Chris and Krystal are still engaged. Chris cried because he's so happy. "It's been a tough journey," Chris said. I'll admit, I played a small part in making it tough. Am I sorry? Not really. But I wish Chrystal the best. Chris met Krystal's dogs. Krystal's house is really nice. Chris is going to move in with her. Chris Harrison gave them a crystal goose for their mantle. Ugh, I'm glad the goose stuff is over. So dumb. But Chrystal's cute. They win.
Alright, that's it for Bachelor in Paradise Season 5. Bachelor cycle 2018 is finished. See you January 7, 2019, when The Bachelor: Colton edition kicks off.