Question: Just thought you should know that the Smurf Ride is no more at Kings Island ("Ask Ausiello" 11/10/04). They replaced it in 1990 with a totally lame haunted-car ride called Phantom Theater. I did have my first kiss on Phantom, but it wasn't very good. — Jessica Ausiello: Whoa, Jessica — this is a family website! PPS — That blows about the Smurf Ride.
Question: How's it going dude? Just out of curiosity, do you get a lot of chicks? — Jason Ausiello: Congratulations, Jason! You're the winner of this week's "I can't believe you're asking me this. It's insulting, honestly. It's absolutely insulting" Award for the "Ask Ausiello" question with the most obvious answer! Please come forward to accept TV Guide's handy new tube bible Guide to TV. It's the most definitive encyclopedia of television you can buy, and available at a Barnes & Noble near you! (FYI: Please don't forget to sign your check before sending it in.)
Question: How does it feel to be the world's most underrated sexual icon? — Chloe Ausiello: Right this second, it feels itchy. Very itchy.
Question: Since I don't follow the show, I was not aware that Milo Ventimiglia is now on American Dreams. That doesn't look good for Jess on Gilmore Girls. Do you know if he'll be back in Stars Hollow anytime this year? — Candelaria Ausiello: Probably not. Rory's kinda got her hands full with Blondie.
Question: Reading last week's "Ask Ausiello," for some reason I had the urge to buy TV Guide's Guide to TV. However, I want an authentic Ausiello-autographed version. Where is this available — other than Stalker Alert? — Matt Ausiello: Stalker Alert sold out over the weekend. I hear there may be some copies popping up on eBay soon, though.
Question: I love your column, and think you'd make a great panelist on VH1's Best Week Ever. Have they ever asked you? — Erin Ausiello: Yeah, they want me something fierce, but I'm playing hard to get.
Question: Do you watch Lost? Can we please just make this whole "Jack and Kate are meant to be together, despite only knowing each other for about five minutes, and we are going to play it out in excruciating sappiness" thing just go away on this wonderful show? Aside from having way more heat with Sawyer, isn't it a little early to be going with a, what, love rectangle at this point? — Nikita Ausiello: Matt Roush actually addressed this issue in his latest "Ask Matt" column, so I'll defer to him on that. But for the record, I'm all about Kate and Sawyer.
Question: Is it possible The West Wing's John Spencer may be ill in real life? He seems to look very frail this year, and his heart-attack story line takes him off the main stories. Dig a little deeper. — James Lengell Ausiello: That's quite a little conspiracy theory you've concocted there, Jimmy. But the reality is, Spencer's "frail" appearance is the result of a new diet, not some mysterious illness. Turns out, Leo's health scare served as a profound wake-up call for the actor. "Leo worked himself into a heart attack by not taking care of himself," Spencer told my colleague, Mary Murphy. "Unlike Leo, I do not want to burn out completely. I do not want to have a heart attack in the woods. Since [I shot that episode] I have taken much better care of myself. I went on a nutritional diet, I hired a cook to make health meals, and I did the thing I have been trying to do for years — I stopped smoking." Is that deep enough for you, Jimmy?
Question: Who was your favorite character on Santa Barbara? I liked Cassandra until the writers made her ultra crazy. Any word if this soap will pop up on SOAPnet? — Adrian M Ausiello: Still no word on SB heading to SOAPnet. And my favorite character was Flame Beaufort — until the writers made her look like Marguerite Hickey.
Question: I heard a rumor that Desperate Housewives costars Marcia Cross (Bree) and Teri Hatcher (Susan) don't get along. True? — Joey Ausiello: Let's ask my spy on the Desperate Housewives set, shall we? "I don't see people not getting along," whispers the show's key grip, er, my anonymous source. "As soon as it happens, I'm sure you'll know, but I haven't seen anything happen." Ladies and gentleman, let's have a round of applause for my spy on the Desperate Housewives set! (And pray he, er, she doesn't get fired.)
Faster than you can say "raging lothario," 28-year-old real-estate developer Raj Bhakta got the kiss-off from Donald Trump on last Thursday's Apprentice. His fatal slipup? Converting a four-bedroom house to a three-bedroom house during a, um, real-estate task. His next blunder? Agreeing to talk to TV Guide Online's Michael Ausiello.TV Guide Online: Who'd you vote for last week?Raj Bhakta: I'm a very disgruntled Republican. Let's leave it at that. TVGO: How are things with Robin? You get her digits?Raj: I think I might be having dinner with her tonight. I spoke to her a couple of times today. TVGO: Is this a date?Raj: (Laughs) We shall see, sir. I'm working on it. TVGO: You have major horndog issues. What's the deal?Raj: I cannot say that I agree with that characterization. I mean, I was standing outside an elevator bank with nothing really to do, so I talked to Robin. I'm not trying
Question: This is my third and final time asking about why the admiral on JAG has left. — Frank Ausiello: Oh, you again. Maybe the answer you're looking for is located in TV Guide's handy new tube bible Guide to TV. It's the most definitive encyclopedia of television you can buy, and available at a Barnes & Noble near you. They make great Christmas presents — especially if you happen to work at TV Guide and get a bunch of 'em for free.
Question: My money's on Mrs. Huber getting whacked on Desperate Housewives later this month. At least I hope she does. — Darwin Ausiello: Well, that's, um, Darwin's theory. (Sometimes this column writes itself, folks.)
Question: Do you know how long Chris (Milo Ventimiglia) will be on American Dreams? — Jamie K. Ausiello: Well, his mom (played by Daphne Zuniga) is gonna be around all season, so I think that bodes well for Milo/Chris. If you haven't done so already, read Ben Katner's interview with Zuniga. The ex-Melrose Place babe comes off as quite the little quipmeister.
Question: Do you know if and when The Shield is returning for its fourth season? Please give us viewers thirsting for more Mackey some help getting through until his return! — Kim Hardmon Ausiello: It'll return in March. In the meantime, click here to read my exclusive Q&A with series creator Shawn Ryan. He gave me the lowdown on Glenn Close's new captain character.
Question: When is Wonderfalls coming out on DVD? The Michael Ausiello statue I picked up in Nogales told me I must have it. — Bob Nowicki Ausiello: But it didn't tell you when the DVD was coming out? I'm gonna have to get that thing fixed. Anyway, it drops Feb. 1.
Question: How come you don't date your "Ask Ausiello" readers? — Rachel Ausiello: The same reason I don't accuse Eminem of lip-syncing: They scare me.
Question: Hey, your last name contains all of the vowels! — Chuck Ausiello: Wow, you're right! Kudos to me!
Question: Can I just say that you're my favorite and can we be best friends? — Val Ausiello: Yes, you can definitely say I am your favorite, Val. No harm in that.
Question: I'm a big fan of LAX's Paul Leyden and I was just wondering how the show is doing in the ratings. Is it likely to survive? I need my Leyden fix every week! — Rebecca Brantley Ausiello: Last week LAX's numbers actually improved a smidge, so there's hope. I hear producers are trying to woo Heather Locklear to come in during February sweeps to help boost ratings. If anyone can save this turkey, it's Heather.
Question: Why is nobody talking about the fact that Eminem lip-synced on Saturday Night Live [the weekend after Ashlee]? Is everyone scaredy cats of him or what? — Shawn Ausiello: That's a horrible thing to say about one of the greatest artists of our time. How dare you!
Question: Tell me something good! — L.J. Ausiello: Veronica Mars has been picked up for the entire season!