Question: If you ever need a sub to write for you when you're sick, give me a holla. I have a soft spot for Keri and Mariska and I can make fun of people at the drop of a hat. I already have the words "elephant" and "two-dollar ho" combined for one possible insult. — Ryan Ausiello: If that's a crack about my obesity-riddled childhood, I'm not laughing.
Question: Any news on The Mountain? I have a bad feeling the end is near. — Rich Ausiello: Trust your instincts, Rich. The end is indeed near.
Don't buy any carnations just yet for Desperate Housewives' ill-fated Mrs. Huber. Despite the untimely death of Wisteria Lane's resident busybody last night (literally) at the hands of creepy Paul (Mark Moses), her portrayer, Christine Estabrook, reveals that "Mrs. Huber's like the Terminator — she'll be back." But how? When? Where? Luckily for us, just like her alter ego, Estabrook is one to gossip.TV Guide Online: What was your reaction when you found out they were killing off Mrs. Huber?Christine Estabrook: It's the biggest show on TV right now, so I was really disappointed. And I love the character. But, um, how can I put this to you... I'm still shooting episodes. TVGO: Really? For how much longer?Estabrook: I don't know. I honestly don't know. I think [the writers know], but they don't tell me. TVGO: I can't imagine they'd bring you back as a ghost. It's gonna get crowded up there.Estabrook: I
Donald Trump was running a two-for-one special on last Thursday's The Apprentice. Not only did he fire 28-year-old investment manager Wes Moss, but he also terminated 31-year-old marketing guru Maria Boren. Adding insult to injury, the pair didn't even get their own cabs! Luckily, TV Guide Online's Michael Ausiello doesn't believe in sharing, so he gave Maria her very own Q&A and devoted a portion of this week's "Ask Ausiello" to Wes. Simply put, everyone's a winner!TV Guide Online: OK, what the hell happened to you in Thursday's episode?Maria Boren: At the photo shoot, we were all feeling the pressure of making a deadline. And Wes had actually come up to me on a couple of different occasions and said, "We really need to see this happen." The point where I actually flew off the handle at him was when he came over one last time and said, with added passion, "We have got t
Question: Why is TV Guide paying you for being a cringe-inducing, painfully unfunny "columnist" who scans through pointless "questions" and answers them in one sentence? — Daniel Ausiello: Rochell Thomas thinks it's because they feel sorry for me.
Question: "Astute Ausiello" or "Michael's Megaphone?" — Timothy Ausiello: What does astute mean? And I don't much care for the second one. Next...
Question: I'll admit it — you're getting funnier. — Manon Ausiello: I'm proud of you, Manon. That took a great deal of courage.
Question: The records for MichaelAusiello.com indicate that you purchased your domain name on Jan. 27, 2003. You've been planning "Ask Ausiello" since that very day, haven't you? — Fred Ausiello: What, you thought I just pulled this thing together overnight?
Question: Don't tell me, don't even hint that Tru Calling has been cancelled or else I'm taking each Smurph and dying it yellow. Do you hear me?!?! Don't. — Richard Ausiello: I was quaking in my boots until I got to the word "Smurphs." Then, I lost all respect.
Question: OK, Michael. Since you don't have a lawn for me to mow ("Ask Ausiello" 11/17), how about letting me clean your apartment and walk your dog for two weeks in exchange for hooking a brother up with Eva Longoria? — Sonny Ausiello: My apartment is spotless and I don't have a dog. Keep trying...
Question: Who's your favorite Smurf? — Amy Ausiello: I have a soft spot for Vanity. Don't ask me why, but I do. Hey, speaking of the little Village People, did you all hear the news that DIC Kid's Network has acquired 26 classic Smurf episodes and will air them as part of a new three-hour block in January! All of my subtle hints have paid off! (Now will someone please tell me what the heck DIC Kid's Network is?)
Question: I loved Outback Jack on TBS. Are there any plans for a second one? — Mya Ausiello: Nope, it's just gonna be the one. Sorry, Mya.
Question: In answer to last week's West Wing question ("Ask Ausiello" 11/17), Sam got creamed in the election and the president made him "special counsel." So, he's busy advising the president off screen where no one can see him. Hope that helps. — G. Daley Ausiello: I was just gonna explain that to everyone here, G.D., but you beat me to the punch. (Hey, you wouldn't happen to know the name of that show with the two sister seamstresses, would ya?)
Question: I take it back — the Smurfs rule (""Ask Ausiello" 11/17)! Now, spill the beans about David Schwimmer's upcoming cameo on Joey. — Chase Ausiello: Oh, I just said that to get you to stop picking on my little blue friends. But I've got something else for you. Vincent Pastore (aka The Sopranos' Big Pussy) will play a pit boss who Gina encounters during a trip to Vegas in the Dec. 2 episode. Will that suffice?
Question: I don't like your new website. Why not put more on it? — Jennifer Ausiello: Because the webmaster I hired has the work ethic of an Omarosa. That person has since been fired and I've brought in someone new. I've been told he's one of the best in the biz by, well, him. But he was very convincing. Cheap, too.
Question: Are we there yet? — Robb Ausiello: Almost, Robb. Hang in there, big guy.
Question: How about "Ausiello's Assinine Answers?" — Brad Ausiello: It's catchy, I'll give you that.
Question: A correction to Amy's answer last week ("Ask Ausiello" 11/17). She-ra was He-man's cousin, not his sister. BTW, your column is one of the funniest on the 'Net today. — Nathan Ausiello: He-man has a cousin?! Why am I always the last to know? (Hey, you wouldn't happen to know the name of that show with the two sister seamstresses, would ya?)
Question: What were you like in high school? — Cat Ausiello: Fat.
Question: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a younger, hotter Matt Dillon? — Bethany Ausiello: Now that I get a lot.
Question: How about "Ausiello's Boob Tube News?" — Brent Ausiello: Tee-hee. You said "boob."
Question: WE is no longer showing old episodes of Felicity. Do you know where I can catch any? — Shay Ausiello: They air every Saturday night from 8 to 11 at my apartment. Otherwise, you'll have to buy the DVDs.