michael.ausiello
Do you think the new Emmy ...
Question: Do you think the new Emmy voting process is a good thing? The whole blue-ribbon committee thing makes me think of the daytime Emmys, which hasn't picked the right winner since Santa Barbara won for best drama series in 1988, 1989 and 1990. Answer: Oh, how right you are about SB, my friend. And for that reason, I'm just as skeptical as you are. In my opinion, one of six things must happen the morning of July 6 in order for the new system to be deemed a success: Battlestar Galactica and The Shield must be up for best drama series; Lauren Graham must be up for best comedy actress; Kristen Bell must be up for best drama actress; Donald Faison must be up for best supporting actor in a comedy; and Kelly Bishop must be up for best s
Who is the bisexual female ...
Question: Who is the bisexual female intern on Grey's Anatomy (The Ausiello Report 3/17)? Answer: Like it's not completely obvious?
Is Bree falling in love with ...
Question: Is Bree falling in love with George on Desperate Housewives? Answer: Unless you're e-mailing me from Iceland or some other country where DH airs on a 10-month delay, I urge you to step away from your computer before you hurt someone, you crazy coot.
Las Vegas scoop please!
Question: Las Vegas scoop please!Answer: It's official: Olympic ice princess Sasha Cohen will appear in the May 5 episode. She'll be playing herself in what my source says is a "big scene" with Josh Duhamel, Vanessa Marcil and Crossing Jordan's Jerry O'Connell.
Any chance that Finola Hughes ...
Question: Any chance that Finola Hughes will be in the Charmed finale? Answer: Yes, Finola will be back, joining previously announced-in-AA alums Drew Fuller (Future Chris), Jennifer Rhodes (Grams) and Wes Ramsey (Future Wyatt). And here are two more late additions: Ivan Sergei (Henry) and James Read (Victor). Read will actually be back for the last two episodes.
I officially can't wait until ...
Question: I officially can't wait until Law & Order SVU's April 4 episode. Do you have any more scoop on it? Answer: It ends with Olivia uttering these heartbreaking words: "I **** * *** *******." (Hint: It's not Stabler whom she says this to, but it has everything to do with him. And it totally lays the groundwork for Mariska's impending maternity leave.)
Any Alias scoop?!
Question: Any Alias scoop?! Answer: Sloane's obsession with Rambaldi may cost someone his/her life. (And I, um, may be the best TV scooper on the planet.) And I hear the May 3 and 10 episodes are classic Alias.
One of these days you're ...
Question: One of these days you're going to acknowledge my question and give me some Everwood scoop. Make that day today! Answer: Yes, ma'am. I've seen next Monday's two-hour premiere and one of my favorite couples breaks up and gets back together all in the same hour. I say "my" because I'm fairly certain I'm one of this duo's few supporters. And here's a little scoop-bit about the big death later this season: It's more sad than tragic.
So, it's been a while since ...
Question: So, it's been a while since you reported anything about the future of Arrested Development. Anything at all from Showtime yet about picking it up? I'm dying here. Answer: The ball remains in Mitch Hurwitz's court, but all he seems to be doing is staring at it.
Admit it: You have a ...
Question: Admit it: You have a man-crush on Josh Holloway. Answer: Not so much, actually. Matthew Fox? Sure. Donald Faison? Definitely. Wentworth Miller? Um, duh. But Josh? I don't see it.
The West Wing is — to quote ...
Question: The West Wing is — to quote the youngest first daughter — "death on a Triscuit" without Stockard Channing. When, oh when, is she coming back?! Answer: She'll resurface in both the April 16 episode and the May 14 finale.
You obviously went to L.A. to ...
Question: You obviously went to L.A. to "audition for a ********** *****." Answer: Crap, you're right. Didn't think anyone was going to get it, let alone the 62 of you that did. The thing is, I'm not allowed to talk about the ********* ***** just yet, but I promise the second I get the green light, I'll purge the details faster than I would the ingredients of a poisonous burrito. Sorry to string you along, but my hands are tied. If it makes you feel any better, you guys are a lot smarter than you look.
How do you deal with people ...
Question: How do you deal with people who ask dumb questions like "What's going to happen on American Idol?" and "When are new major motion pictures going to be seen on TV?" Answer: I treat them like the sociopaths that they are. Case in point…
OK, please, Mike, tell me ...
Question: OK, please, Mike, tell me some real big poop about Prison Break. Answer: A surprise visitor will show up to watch Lincoln's almost-execution next week. And I wonder what would happen if, for whatever reason, part of Michael's tattoo were removed? I imagine it would really suck for him.
Are you feeling better? We ...
Question: Are you feeling better? We can't have our all-time favorite columnist under the weather! Answer: My stomach isn't 100 percent settled, but that's probably just nerves. My Veronica Mars episode airs tonight and my handlers are telling me to enjoy my final hours of relative anonymity, so I'm a little on edge. BTW, for those non-Mars fans (shame!) who don't want to sit through the entire episode waiting for me and my bright orange sweater to show up, here's a time-saving tip: Don't take your eyes off the screen for the first 15 minutes. And really start to pay attention when the action shifts to Java the Hut and Veronica says, "Talk a man *** ** *** *********." And yes, I am indeed the "man" to whom she refers.
Were my eyes deceiving me, or ...
Question: Were my eyes deceiving me, or did I see you on VH1's The Fabulous Life of Kelly Ripa? Answer: No, that was me. If anyone has a copy I can borrow, I'd love to see how it turned out.
"Will you look at all...
"Will you look at all these rumors/Surrounding me every day?/I just need some time/Some time to get away from/From all these rumors/I can't take it no more." Back in the '80s, who among us could have guessed that Timex Social Club's wondrous one hit would be even more relevant today, especially to those of us who live, eat and breathe all things tubular (I mean that in the TV-related sense, not in the gnarly Valley Girl way). Think about it: Every day, the gossip mill seems to churn out another titillating tidbit about our favorite shows — sometimes even more than one. So maybe it's apropos that one of the chief starters of said rumors should also be the one to cut through all the prattle and separate fact from fiction. Or at the very least try. Rumor: Someone's a switch-hitter on Grey's Anatomy.Source: E! OnlineTrue or False: True — at least if my casting spies are correct in telling me producers are looking for an ac
Was the first major jolt you ...
Question: Was the first major jolt you alluded to in Sunday's Sopranos episode the giant mullet A.J. was sporting? It was definitely shocking... and slightly scary. Answer: Nope, I was referring to the reappearance of Adrianna in Carm's dream. But yes, A.J.'s new hairdon't was jolt-worthy, too.
Anything new on House?
Question: Anything new on House? Answer: You know the big health scare involving Omar Epps' Foreman that I first told you about back in January? Well, it's so big that producers are turning it into a two-part episode, airing May 2 and 3. We'll also get our first glimpse at Foreman's dad, and he's going to look a lot like Charles Dutton. In other House news, Buffy's Michelle Trachtenberg will be admitted on April 4 with heart-transplant complications.
Did you fly to Los Angeles to ...
Question: Did you fly to Los Angeles to "audition for a futuristic porno?" Answer: You got the same two words wrong as Rob. Back to the drawing board, Wayne.
Is Jessica Biel coming back ...
Question: Is Jessica Biel coming back for the final episode of 7th Heaven? Answer: No, but Mary will get a shout-out when her estranged hubby, Carlos, returns and drops a bombshell.