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26 Episodes 1984 - 1985
Episode 1
30 mins
Many facets of bravery (and of its counterpart cowardice) are explored. Doug carries a chicken for general protection, while Alasdair keeps a teddy bear for bogeyman protection. Brave knights who need protection aid a distressed princess with a dragon problem. A medal of courage awaits an eager dupe at Barth's. Fear over an open dental appointment proves equality of the sexes. Lisa and Christine deride Doug and Alasdair for lacking the bravery to be sensitive. Blip admires the bravery of kids who play his machines (with good reason). And, Christine admires Valerie's domestic bravery. Meanwhile, "Muscles first, THEN bravery" becomes Alasdair's adage. Valerie finds Doug's fear of big, scary monsters silly. Kevin lacks the courage to be a class bully, while Lance lacks the courage to accept a food challenge from Alasdair. A scout camping trip for courage reveals cowardice. And, fear of the Principal's Office goes beyond reason. Ross finally submits that the greatest bravery of all comes from those who allow their names to appear in the closing credits.
Episode 2
30 mins
Christine discovers that her mother's been secretly paying all her co-workers to be her (Christine's) friends (complete with a repayment plan covering time spent taking her out to eat and to the movies and such). This only comes to light when late checks cause the cast to abruptly withhold their friendly service. With all the money they've been getting, the kids (minus Christine) form a club to collectively pool all their money into formally establishing a rent-a-friend business. Christine herself pays them all to be her friends again, which works for a time till Ross figures out how much they're working hourly on the deal. Elsewhere: Luke requests to see his friend before he dies. Ross gives Christine the choice between seeing an old friend and getting paid. Nasti regards prisoner Andrew as a friend. Luke is too good a friend to loan Alasdair money. Lance plays cards with Man's best friend. Lisa wants the same grade for the same paper her friend turned in the year before. Valerie and Lance try recalling the old adage about friends. Luke gets detention for helping a friend off the bus. Valerie tries to oblige Alasdair wanting a friend for dinner. Lisa's friend likes to share her interests and clothes. Luke and Alasdair have trouble playing rough with friends. Snake-Eyes declares he runs into many of his friends all the time. The socially responsible behavior of Lisa's new friend revolts her parents. And a pencil-sharpener between friends reflects the improbability of world peace.
Episode 3
Tue, Jun 12, 198430 mins
The cast reveals its ambitions: Christine wants to grow as an actress and practices thanking all the little people in her future academy award-winning acceptance speech. Ben yearns to be the next Michael Jackson and starts dancing about the set. Alasdair persuades Nasti to rehearse for his alternate dream job as a merchant banker; Nasti, in turn, gladly assists Alasdair's dream of basketball stardom. The firing squad amigos reveal their presidential goal, and Barth shares his dream of heading his own burger franchise. Ben and Lisa set the thermos bottle and Disneyland among Man's greatest achievements. Valeire shows pre-archaeologist Doug he needn't leave home to study ruins of the past, and Doug congratulates her on achieving all her life's goals. Alasdair reveals how he, at the arcade, made it into the world book of records, while Blip reveals his own arcade-related world goal. Lisa has a dream job in mind which, unfortunately, has already been filled, and Christine finally gets the chance to show the world she can act - and gets upstaged.
Episode 4
30 mins
The gang displays their various hobbies, many of them collections: Christine judges Lisa's acting to be a hobby rather than a profession. Lance relaxes violently over a televised football game. Barth's Burgery curtails Vanessa's cat-raising past-time. Valerie reveals where her hobby of raising pigs went. Barth takes an interest in ham radios. El Capitano tells how golfing lead him into the firing squad trade. Lance collects duck calls while Valerie collects phone calls, and Lance catches Vanessa using Wyatt as a dress model. Justin throws a net over Moose for his butterfly collection. Vanessa weeds her baseball cards of rarities. Lisa and Christine show Ross their stamp collections (though neither can be called a philatelist). Snake-Eyes collects fender dents. Justin starts a collection for Charity. The Doctor's collection requires Wyatt's tongue. Fans collectively seek the recipe for green slime. Justin's collection puts Lance's beer out in the warm. Lisa has a word for those who raise oranges. And an autograph seeker leads Christine to become a rather substantial magazine collector.
Episode 5
30 mins
The group dabbles amidst the paranormal, trying to contact ghosts and see into the future, with mixed results. Not doing homework enables Lisa to forecast dire consequences in her near future, and haunts Klea. Nasti doubles his dungeon pleasure by torturing identical twins who feel each other's pain. Lisa conducts séances to contact the spirit world. Mr. Schidtler foresees the results of kids' tests before they take it. Lightning strikes the twin who tells his twin a lie. A lost magician's hat delights Barth. Ghosts conduct a séance. Blip installs a video dream machine. The psychic connection of identical twins bothers the brother who doesn't drink at bedtime. Lisa learns she's not of this Earth. Kyle thinks he's ready to read Christine's palm with his paintbrush. The stars reveal that Klea's in trouble. Korbett proves he can read Lisa's mind. Three kids reveal the signs they were born under. And Lisa views prophesy as the antithesis of privacy, with visionaries of the past possibly peeping in on her every modern day move.
Episode 6
Thu, Jun 21, 198430 mins
For Ross to approve a show on literature, Christine had to promise to do his books for him, but now that it's up and running, Christine finds herself wanting to become a writer. Justin, meanwhile, believes he's stumbled upon an international conspiracy of immense magnitude when he can't find even the barest biography on the prolific writer A. Nonymous. His crusade begins. On the home front, Lance finds Alasdair and Ben reading well beyond Peter Pan and Justin reading well beyond his maturity level, Valerie cancels the family's newspaper subscription due to the amount of unread books on hand, Alasdair wishes they'd stop celebrating Robert Burns Day, and Justin presents horror fan Lance a truly frightening book. Elsewhere, prisoner Alasdair gets in a dispute with his agent over the success of his book, Blip keeps books on hand for little visitors, Ben helps Barth plan out a diet cookbook, Lisa helps Christine follow the path of a famous writer, and Coach succeeds in getting his football team to "play it by the book."
Episode 7
Mon, Jun 25, 198430 mins
Moose joins a fitness club for numerous side attractions that don't involve exercise. Ross begins an on-set investment club, but the cast's focus isn't on money. Barth applies for membership in the Great Chefs of North America Club. Marjorie endures challenges in joining a secret club. Ben wants a swing at teaching with a golf club. Valerie awaits Lance's late return from a night club. Lisa distresses over a crazy foul-up from her record club. Eugene learns that bus drivers have their own club. The boys' summer camp is taken over by a nudist club. Mr. Schidtler starts an after-school book club for those failing to do homework. A library club implements explosive inducements for returning overdue books. A knitting club takes an interest where Amnesty International does not. Marjorie threatens to start an anti-dishwashing club, while Lisa enjoys the perk of being a club treasurer at Blip's Arkaid.
Episode 8
30 mins
Ross presses his advantage when his tendency to keep foreign currency on hand enables him to swindle the kids heading toward family vacations abroad. A world tour leaves Alasdair profoundly disappointed. Christine derives many thanks for $100. Pauline displays fluency in a foreign tongue. Ross gives a lesson in bartering. Valerie prepares Indian food. Lance explains the United Nations to Pauline. Alasdair feels El Capitano should present the world a less limited view of his people. Barth's new world cuisine menu bears a strong feline theme. Alasdair and Eugene via to be the next foreign exchange student. Pauline perceives why Egypt is Ross' favorite country. Mr. Schidtler asks his class the names of foreign peoples and their currencies. Nasti prepares Alasdair for an Australian vacation. Angie pegs America's gross national product. Knowing Philippine pronunciation bodes ill for Eugene. Alasdair's weak stomach makes Barth's borscht an onomatopoeia. And, an Aussie exchange student wanders about the link set.
Episode 9
Tue, Jul 3, 198430 mins
Since kid-shows can't survive anymore without merchandising (and this could be their last show), the cast brainstorms to find something worth marketing. Water seems their best opening strategy, since its plentiful, so they market it along with the notion of a water shortage. Elsewhere: Fear of shortages has Nasti buying up shackles, Valerie buying cabbage by the gross, and Blip bracing for a dearth in quarters. Mr. Schidtler institutes a scratch-n-sniff reward system. Kevin nukes a sofa. Promotional t-shirts abound. Valerie endeavors to become a Ravon door-to-door cosmetic saleslady, using Justin to practice on (for which he takes his surly customer role far too seriously). New bedtime stories come complete with commercial interruptions. Barth develops new and recyclable burger containers. Blip develops a new, enhanced video game that fails to include a crucial element. Marjorie opens her own lemonade stand. Camp Green Slime's trip-for-two deal keeps dissatisfied campers coming back. And, Lisa's uncle finally comes up with a product to save the show (which has more benefits than one).
Episode 10
30 mins
History is the theme of the day, and what Alasdair knows of it can be summed up in one letter. What Christine knows of it tells her that women are better than men, but what Lance doesn't know of it gets him in trouble. Alasdair gets reprimanded for endeavoring to be a great man. Socrates becomes notorious. The execution of Joan of Arc gets El Capitano shot. Nasti's dungeon becomes an historical site. Alasdair's mouth gets him the boot. Christine leads a bus revolt. Marjorie and Todd grimace over Barth's Civil War food. Alasdair's sure Barth's dad influenced Mahatma Ghandi. Lisa gives a dictator a cute name. A visit from Valerie's mom brings the sign of Black Death to the Prevort door. And, George Washington's lack of involvement in the Spanish Inquisition lets down Marjorie.
Episode 11
30 mins
The hunt is on for the perfect body-type for an upcoming yet undisclosed commercial, leaving Ross the weary task of helping the producer discover the body that'll fit that part (which Christine won't get since she's a perfect ten). Elsewhere: Alasdair admires a "set of headlights" in a magazine. Valerie reveals she married Lance for his brown eyes, and Lance reveals he loves Valerie for who she is deep down. Soccer players misuse their feet, a single foot lands Alasdair in detention, and two left feet put Ben in a spin. A medical duo get Christine to sign up as an organ donor, while Alasdair expects exemption from biology class for a personal donation. Poor reading skills have Lisa believing she's not built like other students, and a chicken leg reminds Lance of his college fraternity. Parasites irk Christine but bugs enter her diet nonetheless. Alasdair gets new patches for his knees, while Ben finds his release from the dungeon horrifying. Lisa and Alasdair luck out with "a complete set" while collecting body parts door-to-door; Barth collects biology class leftovers; a cat collects Lisa's tongue. A neighbor kid gives Alasdair the finger, but giving the same to the president forces El Capitano to schedule a reshoot. Ben checks out his development in public, while the warranty on Alasdair's new heart expires. Mr. Schidtler stops shaving; so does Christine. Ben says he'd give his right arm to get out of summer camp, which is fine with Alasdair, but it's also the asking price of Blip's new arcade game. A wart rejects a host. And, donating her body to science spares Christine the firing squad.
Episode 12
Thu, Jul 19, 198430 mins
A newly installed audience-interaction device gives viewers the power to change features of the show, which Luke and Vanessa initially utilize to avoid problems before the firing squad and in the dungeon, respectively. Christine, however, sees its potential and uses this newly acquired power to effectively mute motormouth Lisa and curtail bad jokes. Blip joins the techno-trend by enabling an arcade machine to water or slime any targeted cast member at the player's whim. Mr. Schidtler begins a math lesson in techno-babble. Eugene encourages Snake Eyes to let technology aid him. The Doctor's new office computer prescribes a tune-up for Luke. Barth fears the use of microwave ovens. The library converts to microfilm. The Coach uses computer analysis to get the best game plan advice for his football players. And, Lance ties in all the household light functions to his computer.
Episode 13
Fri, Jul 20, 198428 mins
The upheavals of changing residences are explored. The McGlade Family's move to an elitist neighborhood puts them in touch with snobs and practical concerns. Flip, a radical transfer from California, catches the critical notice of his new classmates and teachers. Nasti tells his prisoner they may have to move. The bully Doug meets at his new school threatens Lance. Lisa and Adam both over-pack for their families' new homes. An Alaskan transfer student samples some of Barth's cuisine. Snake Eyes commandeers apartment help for a friend. El Capitano receives his first commuted sentence for a prisoner. And Vanessa helps Lance wait for movers to bring furniture that may never come.
Episode 14
Tue, Oct 9, 198430 mins
For expressing a hatred of Halloween, Christine casts a spell of misfortune on Ross. He dismisses her invocation - and she admits to all it's a fake - but accidents and near fatalities befall Ross soon after and start him thinking she's a real witch (to the point of believing she's turning cast members into animals). Elsewhere, Lisa guides Doug in the etiquette of trick-or-treating, including the proper use of a cannon when the treats are substandard. Lance dresses up as Dracula to save on treats and gets in hot water over a wet vengeance on ding-dong-ditchers. Lisa's little rubber friend deters candy thugs. Valerie spots a phony among her Halloween beggars. Art lessons ruin Lance as a pumpkin carver. The boys devise truly horrifying costumes. Nasti gets ready to shop for trick-or-treaters. Costumes herald the downfall of El Capitano. Alasdair spooks the school tough. A prank on Barth backfires. And, Snake-Eyes gets sweet revenge on sugar pranksters.
Episode 15
Sat, Dec 8, 198430 mins
With Christmas at hand, Alasdair stands ready to exploit the mistletoe tradition. Since plastic won't do, he hangs real mistletoe about the set but ultimately guarantees his changes by donning a helmet heavily adorned with the stuff. Lisa, Christine and Vanessa want a little peace on Earth from this two-lipped assault force and finally decide that under the tree's the place he should be. Meanwhile, the cast hopes Ross (who likes watching 'em beg) won't be stingy with their Christmas bonuses this year. Vanessa calculates the practical difficulties of Santa Claus. Valerie enjoys frustrating Doug with her great new hiding place for his presents. Snake-Eyes gets in a jolly mood. GIfts that require assembly frustrate Lance. The family must break it to Lucy that they want her for dinner. Lance and Valerie clash over what Vanessa should leave Santa as a snack. Alasdair becomes a Christmas angel when dungeon funds run dry. Doug derives no benefit from dressing as Santa. The coach decries having only "lumps of coal" for Christmas. Mr. Schidtler recoils from Alasdair's Christmas carol report. Doug receives warning for buying the coach a necktie. Good will toward a little man puts the kibosh on locker jokes. And, the girls form a united front to resolve the Alasdair kissing issue.
Episode 16
30 mins
The topic of holidays (mostly Thanksgiving and Christmas) sparks Lisa into crying out for an Actor's Holiday so that she and the rest of the cast can have a day off, but Ross isn't having any of it. Doug becomes Santa's health risk when he takes up a Christmas club. Alasdair's 87-step plan for perpetual school holidays has a drawback. Barth goes all out to serve specialty burgers at every holiday. Vanessa admires Doug's Easter bunny but finds Lance's choice for an Easter Bunny outfit a tad too provocative. To her family's surprise, Valerie gets a holiday off just like everyone else (without it even being Mother's Day, too). Doug's depressed over discovering Santa Claus' true identity. Vanessa sparkles for the Chinese New Year. Alasdair gives up much for Lent (yet very little) and puts the sack on Santa. Christine responds appropriately to Doug's trick-or-treating. Lance celebrates Labor Day by assigning Alasdair tasks. Dressing a turkey for Thanksgiving exhausts Valerie. Lance heads a Groundhog Day hunt. Christine composes her Christmas lists. Snake-Eyes announces going off-road for a Busman's Holiday. Veterans' Day comes to Alasdair's rescue. Mr. Schidtler's Homework Holiday dismays his class. Blip runs a 3-for-1 holiday special. And, Alasdair pays a juicy price for giving Lisa one chocolate for Valentine's Day.
Episode 17
Fri, Jan 4, 198530 mins
Blip happily provide a "study environment" when Alasdair sets his sights on entering college on a video game scholarship, but Alasdair struggles to find the university that will grant his goal. Motivated by thoughts of entering a new profession without kids around, Ross returns to college, but several alarming ideas presented in child psychology class may flunk him. Christine's plan for college hinges on finding the right student body ratio. Looking for a career in gastronomy, Lisa credits Barth for preparing her for college life - namely, its cafeteria food and biology lab assignments. Snake-Eyes credits brake failure for once putting him through college. College recruiter Guy Fun tries attracting kids to his party university. The collegiate success of Justin's athletic big brother Tank has the boys looking toward an easy future in college football. Six years as a college freshman prepared Lance well for life as a senator. Recruiters offer Christine a grade incentive for joining their university. The school principal gives Lisa a load of unvarnished honesty in assessing colleges' true value. Having never gone to college, Barth proudly proclaims himself a self-made man, which Alasdair finds eminently evident. Christine decides to help prepare Alasdair for college. The kids discuss collegiate letters. Since college degrees only lead to low-paying jobs, Mr. Schidtler begins teaching students electric guitar. And seeing what being on You Can't Do That On Television has done for Christine in four years, Marjorie decides to attend acting college for six.
Episode 18
Tue, Jan 8, 198530 mins
A "sordid past" stops Christine from running for political office (class president), but she recognizes in Lisa qualities of an ideal candidate: a straight-B student with an uncle who owns a pizzeria, an ability to talk on and on without really saying anything, and a boringly uneventful personal background. Christine quickly nominates Lisa and immediately elects herself campaign manager. Elsewhere, Senator Lance Prevort is up for re-election, but his effects toward it aren't gaining votes. Nasti's chances for a public post look good in the polls. A course in electronics prepares Justin for a political career, while traits for a political future land Alasdair in detention. Blip's Arkaid comes under political fire for being a bad community influence. El Capitano proves there are no military cutbacks under the newly elected regime. Christine and Lisa brainstorm for a campaign slogan. Alasdair and Justin elect a castaway leader and discover a political cover-up at summer camp. Young campaign workers grease the wheels of their candidate's electoral chances with counterfeit money. Justin hopes the principal will run for the School Board, while Alasdair gets on death row for winning a foreign election. Alasdair also recognizes communist parallels quite close to home.
Episode 19
Fri, Jan 11, 198530 mins
The sciences get worked over in various ways: The kids brew invisibility potion, Valerie mistakes Justin's test tubes for a spice rack, Lance decides to amend the law of gravity, camper Alasdair reads up on how to make a bomb, lab work nearly gets Lisa out of detention, psychologist B.F. Skinner inspires Barth's latest Skinner Burger, Mickey Mouse becomes a science club recruiter, Alasdair misidentifies the three classifications of rock, Madame Curie is too oo-la-la and x-rated for the kids, Christine thoroughly checks out the function of a household appliance, Justin's monster potion produces a curious result, Alasdair regrets the dearth of rats in his dungeon cell, Ross mistakes the show's topic, Valerie delivers dripping hot mail, Lisa proves the tongue is the strongest muscle, Ben discovers hypocrisy in one under the Hippocratic oath, cloning experiments yield unpleasant results, a buggy biology trip wins out over algebra, and the speed of Earth's rotation spares Alasdair from the firing squad. Most importantly, Alasdair decides to investigate the ingredients of green slime and announce his findings to the world. And so he does.
Episode 20
Tue, Jan 15, 198530 mins
Divorce affects the cast in myriad ways. Marjorie gains needed living space in going to a separate house, Lisa gets double the usual holidays off from school due to her new step-dad's Jewish faith, a heap of remarriages puts Justin in line with possibly dating his sister and niece and great-granddaughter while confusing Lisa about her own name, Valerie winds up booked solid for dates, Lance attends summer camp for quality time with his son, Lisa "divorces" some eggs, Alasdair's mom "divorces" his dad over a boat, Mr. Schidtler lays the blame on Marjorie for her parents' marital bliss, blabbermouth Lisa feels responsible for her parents' breakup, Valerie and Lance wind up with all the kids from their extended family marriages, Lisa is daddy's girl until the prospect of moving to another town with him arises, one parent gets the kid while the other gets the kid's clothes, a new hottie at school is cooled off for marital infidelity, biker Alasdair lays down the rules for a new little step-brother, and Barth's cooking enables his ex to amass a fortune.
Episode 21
Fri, Jan 18, 198530 mins
After finding herself locked in her dressing room, Christine discovers that Ross has put his nephew, Jeff, in her place as the show's host. Regaining her rightful position, she hears of Ross's special exploitation of his own nephew (beyond what unrelated cast members must endure) and encourages Jeff to stand up for himself. While this gets Jeff nowhere, his family ties nonetheless exempt him from some of the show's usual humiliations. Elsewhere: Lisa shares her family album with the cast and suffers for it, Alasdair takes his family tree to school, Lisa wears the pants in the family but Valerie wears the boots and Jeff and Steph wear the skirts, Alasdair searches the library for his Roots, family size movie popcorn gets the better of Stephanie, Barth treats his burgers as if each is an only child, Lance happy obliges kids kids collecting for summer camp, Alasdair is relieved to hear that Mr. Schidtler taught every single member of his family, the Coach wants to be the father figure to his team, Alasdair and Stephanie choose their parents, Nasti keeps his folks close, the Prevorts receive Aunt Eleanor's Will, Lance objects to his kids' choice of wholesome TV entertainment, and the family skeleton that scares Stephanie Alasdair must sleep with.
Episode 22
Tue, Jan 22, 198530 mins
Alasdair begins a surprisingly lucrative career as a street performer hanging about businesses, and Ross wants in on the action. Meanwhile, Adam hangs about hoping to catch Christine at the right moment to ask her for a date, Ruth gets to hang out at the house, Alasdair hangs out in detention, Lisa hopes hanging around the set will get her Christine's job, Valerie encourages her daughters to hang out at distant shopping malls, Ross gives the kids enough rope to hang themselves, Lisa worries over what's hanging out of her Barth Burger, Alasdair plans to hang out in public urinals as a career move, Barth reveals he had three kids of his own hanging about the restaurant till he had to ground them, Lisa and Lance suffer hangovers, Alasdair hangs outside his prison window, pockets hang out when kids leave the arcade, Lisa hangs out at the mall to pick up boys while Asaldair hangs out at the skating rink to pick up girls, a street gang charges Lance to hang out at his house, and the football coach recruits the fans who hang out after games.
Episode 23
Fri, Jan 25, 198530 mins
Alasdair's weather machine works but subjects the studio to a thunderstorm and a blizzard instead of the balmy conditions desired. It later produces severe desert-like drought where the kids can't even find relief saying the magic word 'water'. Ross tells them there exists a studio pool, for which the cast pays a fee to use and another fee for it to contain water - later discovering its just a backyard wading pool with only a bucket of water in it. Elsewhere, the coach is delighted when a rain out causes him to have a baseball game where his team doesn't lose. Efforts to repeat this condition for no further game loses result in humiliation, public discoloration and arrest. Meanwhile: Lance discovers Valerie cooking up a storm, Lisa gets a prescription for spring fever, Lance implements an extreme household energy conservation program, and Blip avoids the use of snow tires.
Episode 24
Tue, Jan 29, 198530 mins
With war as the show's theme, Ross wears his old Army uniform to speak in its favor. Alasdair declares himself a man of peace and proves it by initiating an anti-war protest group with the unfortunate acronym of W.I.M.P. (prompting other peace groups to bully them). To prove that fighting is an inevitable part of human nature, Ross needles Alasdair into reaching his boil-over point. Elsewhere: Lance tells Vanessa of the five planes he shot down during the war (with the moral: crop-dusters have no sense of humor). Valerie slaps Alasdair around for watching violence on TV. Blip spots a minor obstacle in Vanessa's proposal to replace war with video games. Mr. Schidtler redirects Adam's sociopathic penchant for mayhem. Nasti releases Alasdair from the dungeon for war games. Vanessa determines that Barth was in a M.A.S.H. unit. Adam and Alasdair try out gorilla warfare. A battle breaks out at the Burgery. Soldiers Adam and Alasdair learn the hard way not to use foreign-developed software in a computerized war. The summer camp counselor looks for escape tunnels. Army enlistment rescues Alasdair from detention. Claude's father aims to end the draft. A pronoun may cost Adam his life when teaching Alasdair how to throw a grenade. And, the future direction of high-tech warfare bums Ross out.
Episode 25
Tue, Feb 5, 198530 mins
Ross sets the stage for the show's theme on jealousy by presenting Christine her pay-raise check in front of the other kids. Lisa, particularly jealous herself (becoming green with more than just envy in denying it), spends the rest of the show trying to get Christine to donate to The National Jealousy Foundation, finally paying Ross in kickbacks to get a technically higher raise for herself. In the end, the kids allay Christine's concerns by revealing they really have nothing to be jealous of, but in the meantime: Alasdair accuses the Capitano of jealousy to avoid the firing squad, Lisa stabs a voodoo doll, washing dishes makes Marjorie jealous of Alasdair, a lump of coal makes Alasdair jealous of Doug, Doug fears his nice dress will make other kids jealous at school, copying out the dictionary in detention arouses Lisa's jealousy for Alasdair, a neighbor's new computer gets Marjorie worked up while their new car affects Lance, the Coach accuses his team of rampant jealousy, mosquitoes find Alasdair more popular than Doug, Mr. Schidtler advocates vicious envy to all his students, Marjorie aims to get Christine soaked, Christine admits to being jealous of her older sister, Lance admits to being jealous of Valerie, Marjorie and Alasdair find actual meat in their Barth Burgers, the library catches fire, Valerie and Lance are ashamed of Alasdair's polite school behavior, and the school board combats jealousy by distributing the same letter grade for every kid.
Episode 26
30 mins
As the show changes hands from one investor to another seeking someone to foot the bill for an expensive episode on wealth, the cast endures many costume changes to match the revolving nationalities of multiple buyers. After numerous exchanges, the show finally settles on a sugar daddy who delights in making the kids' lives miserable. Meanwhile, Lance wins the million-dollar lottery, which he is not apt to share after Valerie's ridicule for wasting money on tickets. Now, instead of sitting around all day drinking beer, he's drinking champagne, with Valerie kept on as cook and servant. Elsewhere: Alasdair uses a treasure map to get out of being shot, Pauline disdains the expensive gifts of a rich boy, Lisa talks her way out of a robbery, a well-groomed Justin begs for rags to wear, kids indirectly enable Blip to keep a promise to his mother, the Doctor suffers a crisis of ethics, Justin negotiates himself a better test grade, the kids play one-upmanship over who has the richest relative, and a $100-bill remains ownerless. In the end, Lance moves to a grand mansion and the kids find him taking very few things from his old life with him.