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13 Episodes 1981 - 1981
Episode 1
26 mins
To show she's capable of doing "real" work, Christine shovels dirt on the link set, which gets Ross upset when he finds there're aren't quarters in the dirt pile. Zilch gets no respect working for Barth. Jonothan outmaneuvers firing squad rules to avoid being shot, but can not find release from Nasti's dungeon. Kevin considers becoming a teacher. In an opposite, Mr. Schidtler catches his class studying, for which a day off is their punishment.
Episode 2
26 mins
In a show themed mainly around transportation (but not entirely), Ross finds himself granted the power to whisk Christine into awkward situations suggested by his phrases. Meanwhile, Randi pursues car ownership from initial interest to long gas lines to a compact, Brodie provides real world answers to classroom story math problems, exact change for the parking meter and bus fare keep Kevin Somers from the firing squad, Christine is ready to become a driver, the kids share a few tales about airplane luggage, and Barth, in trying to get customers to say his name correctly, has them thinking he's doing bad dog imitations.
Episode 3
25 mins
Though the title suggests a show on labor relations, it's really all about money. After Christine' dad hands her a bill for living under his roof, she goes on strike at the studio, spending the entire show marching a one-gal picket line through inclement weather (on the link set) for higher wages. It's a lone struggle she may win yet come out the worse for. Elsewhere, Kevin Schenk devises math problems among his schemes to get cash from his dad. Nasti's new dungeon budget allows for torture device upgrades at the expense of the food allotment, but prisoner needs for a toilet break provide a great bargaining tool for better funding (if concluded in a timely manner). Native American Jami objects to Rodney's pro-cowboy attitude so does a few native dances for him. At the firing squad, seemingly obliging Kevin Kubusheskie finds subtle and money-related means to avoid getting shot. And a broken pinball machine at Barth's proves to be a successful money-maker.
Episode 4
25 mins
Christine's belief that boyfriends can phone their girlfriends at work keeps her poised by the studio phone in case her Nigel should call, turning her into a frequently disappointed and wearied receptionist to many incoming studio calls. Meanwhile, Mr. Schidtler's inquiry for expert daters tricks his class, El Capitano's mistake in selling Jono a hefty life insurance policy compromises his duty at the firing squad, Kevin's heed to the prodding of an old theater patron gets him in serious trouble, Jono's longing for a date leaves him unsatisfied in the dungeon, Lisa's lack of cash leaves Angie the talking doll without an owner, and Steve's kissing Lisa goodnight leads to a prolonged embrace when their braces lock up.
Episode 5
30 mins
Reflecting the theme of fitness, Christine peddles a stationary bike throughout the show, acknowledging up front the up-stage green screen that makes her seem to ride through countryside, volcanic eruptions, snowing mountain peeks and such. Knowing the kids get family allowance checks, money-grubbing Ross pursues various ventures to get one himself, such as dressing as a miner (because only "minors" get these check), exercising to be younger, and exploring the option of adopting Christine. Elsewhere, Nasti returns Jono to the dungeon after a bowling outing to next sign him up for various intra-dungeon games, Mike lists reasons for Tanya why he can't be a sports star, Lance (a.k.a. Dad) finds his kids' homework and fitness involvements to be overly taxing (on himself), working for Barth keeps Zilch fit, Jono's last request to go jogging saves him from the firing squad, a hockey penalty makes Kevin late, and Rodney, who gets a shirt full of pie-filling, is glad to hear that success or failure in school does not relate to success or failure in life.
Episode 6
25 mins
Christine's public safety warnings have an odd, almost immediate way of making her a living demonstration to all their worst outcomes, leaving her burned, wet, sliced, beheaded, electrocuted, whitewashed, dropped and flattened. Of all the hazards, failing to wear white at night gets the most emphasis as cast members get whitewashed, cream-pied, and white-slimed for their own protection. While Scott learns it's safer to open a door before walking through a doorway, and Kevin Somers learns that lighting matches in the dungeon can get him drowned, and Mr. Nickleson-Dime learns it's best not to deny danger-pay to a secretary carrying a fresh pot of coffee, health inspectors, by contrast, never live long enough to learn to avoid Barth's Burgery.
Episode 7
25 mins
The issue of equality is split. Under general equality, Brodie, Rodney and Lisa demand Christine share her hosting duties with them. Her easy agreement sounds like sweet victory till pies, normally destined for Christine, start flying their way. Under gender equality, Kevin finds himself in dire peril from a train and a dragon but won't see rescue if he continues to balk at salvation coming from Christine, a girl. The girls tease the boys about having to take home ec class. Kevin's demand for sexual equality at the firing squad starts bringing girls to the shooting post, where Lisa gets shot. Brodie explains Barth's equal rights customer policy. Christine's superiority at cards helps her deal with exclusion from a boys' football game. And Nasti bring equality into the dungeon by gender-bending a prisoner. Also on hand (and going off topic), Barth's delicious burger recipe makes Rodney sick, Rodney later tells Christine why the Burgery should never be cleaned, and an old theater patron has her own solution for noisy popcorn eaters.
Episode 8
25 mins
Christine hosts the show from her own personal bathtub but people keep intruding on her privacy, whether through the door or up the drain pipe. Kevin's avoidance of showering is keenly noticed by those at home and school. He's finally declared a wildlife conservation area due to the bacterially rich habitat he's providing small livestock. In the dungeon, Jono's ripe body odor draws complaints from the rats. Off topic, Angie tries to collect money for a gift for Mr. Schedtler's birthday, an old lady theater patron wants a bite of Kevin's chocolate bar, Zilch threatens Burgery patrons who don't leave a tip, Kevin frequently visits Angie the Talking Doll, and a parched desert traveler quenches his vast thirst in Christine's bubbly bath water.
Episode 9
30 mins
The topic is smoking, and Ross, though hacking from it, finds the "fresh taste" difficult to give up. His biggest issue is in trying to relight the soggy butts he finds left by others in toilets. Christine's deal with her dad is to get paid every time she catches him smoking, which only succeeds in netting her a small fortune. Kevin Schenk puts Lance in a straight-jacket and pacifier before eventually having him call Smokers Anonymous (where he only gets a recording of someone hacking). This leads Lisa to wonder why those who smoke want to quit and those who don't smoke want to try it. In the dungeon, Nasti tells Kubusheskie he'll be set free upon his (Nasti's) death, which prompts the kid to hasten the day by immediately lighting Nasti six more cigarettes to smoke. Since Kubusheskie likes to play Dungeons & Dragons, Nasti bringing him a smoking playmate - Seymore the fire-breathing dragon. With his desk smoldering, Kevin Schenk is caught smoking in school, and El Capitano offers Kubusheskie a last cigarette before the firing squad. Native-American Jami proclaims that tobacco is the Indians' grand plan to wipe out the white man, but then there's that peace pipe of his...
Episode 10
25 mins
Things are disappearing from the set: Ross' headphones, Christine's mic, set risers, cue cards, most of the water buckets, Christine and Ross' clothes, the last studio camera and eventually Christine herself. Who's doing it? It's a mystery of theft and destruction. Kevin is guilty of only stealing a kiss. Rodney looks into it, donning a Sherlock Holmes outfit, but discovers only his own fingerprints. The firing squad can't shoot Jono because the official government firing post, to which he must be tied, goes missing (as well as all the squad guns). Intruders vandalize the dungeon rack. Patrons knife up the theater seats. Burglars steal all the classroom exam papers for the year. Abductors take Barth's burger mix. Robbers strip Lance's home nearly bare (taking all but his kid's unfinished homework). With everyone longing for justice, retribution goes perhaps too far when Rodney gets spanked at school for stealing two bases in a baseball game.
Episode 11
25 mins
Since children's programs doing shows on drug addiction can't actually show drugs (you just can't do that on television), pies are substituted where self-splatterers exemplify the foolishness of addition. Addict Kevin Schenk gets his fix from pusher Kevin Somers in a back alley. A basketball coach discovers two of his players high on pie. Kevin Somers, going cold turkey in the dungeon, decides to give Nasti the gift of allowing him to splat his face in custard-filled sweetness. Christine's addicted coworkers try talking her into joining in on their sticky habits. Angie, whose pie-practices put her in white-face, wonders how her mother knows she's a user. El Capitano, knowing junkies are idiots, simply has Kevin Somers shoot himself. And an angry police interrogator gives a hard third degree to pusher Kevin Somers. Ross finally decides there's money to be made in supplying these kids with pie.
Episode 12
25 mins
As Christine extols the virtues of spinach, watermelon, eggs, tomatoes, bananas and milk (especially after discovering a pimple), Barth is horrified by the thought that talk of healthy eating will put him out of business, so he dresses up Zilch to promote the Burgery. In the dungeon, Kevin Kubusheskie gets spinach shoved down his throat for a long but inactive and unhappy life, but when he begs for some fast food, Nasti happily warns up his pitching arm. (Though prisoners themselves may be considered "junk food," Seymore the dragon still needs to be fed.) Kevin Schenk hopes Mom will return home soon before Dad's greasy dinners turn him into a pizza-face. The Doctor gives Scott a face-brace to keep him off junk food while recommending a nose job for Lisa (which sets her mouth a-going). Unaware Martin broke the scales, Lance starts a crash diet when his weight suddenly jumps up fifty pounds. Kubusheskie is put before the firing squad to keep him from ruining his health with junk foods. Lisa promotes the benefits of eating fish till evidence fails to back her claim. Scott wonders how soft drinks can ruin his appetite while martinis only sharpen his dad's, and Kevin delivers Christine a healthy, good-for-the-skin yogurt pie. Meanwhile, Lisa is aghast that people consider her an annoying motor-mouth.
Episode 13
26 mins
For a show on Peer Pressure, two Peers from England's House of Lords come to belly-bump Christine while Kevin Schenk feels the pressure after he and Rodney drop a pier on his foot. In the dungeon, Nasti bears up against pressure from his fellow guards to release Jono. At home, Lisa stands firm against examples of other children who eat celery. Barth succumbs to Lisa's complaint by giving her dirty menu a spit-shine. Lance can't give Kevin a 10-speed bike like all the other kids have because he (Lance) has to buy a brand new Rolls Royce like all the others have at his golf club. Christine discovers she and all the other kids come to Barth's only because they think that's where each other wants to hang out. Kevin feels the pressure to conform when a fad of wearing baby bonnets comes around. Rodney, under pressure to present an excuse for his absence to his teacher, returns from the dead to see his doctor. Kevin Schenk finds himself pressured by his cast-mates to moon the camera. Jono thinks the peers that pressured him into behavior that brought him before the firing squad should share his fate. And Lisa wonders why kids wearing goofy clothing is called giving in to peer pressure but adults doing the same (like wearing fez's for a Shriner's club) is called being a good member of the community.