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Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 9 Episodes
Season 9 Episode Guide
22 Episodes 1997 - 1997
Episode 1
Revenge of the Creature
Sat, Feb 1, 1997
The creature from the black lagoon is captured and taken to a Florida aquarium to be studied in Revenge of the Creature (1955). Mike and the Bots almost crash into Earth and when they try to get in touch in Deep 13, it's not Dr. Forester who responds to their call. Meanwhile, Mike and Tom try to figure out why Crow seems so different.
Episode 2
The Leech Woman
Sat, Feb 8, 1997
An aging woman ventures to Africa to learn the secret of eternal youth but finds it comes at the price of human life in The Leech Woman (1960). On the SOL, the nanites go on strike and Pearl is forced to lay down some new laws for Mike and the Bots.
Episode 3
The Mole People
Sat, Feb 15, 199792 mins
Three archaeologists discover an underground civilization but are taken prisoner by the natives in "The Mole People (1956)." Bobo suffers though Lawgiver Daze and Mike does his best to imitate the professor from the movie.
Episode 4
The Deadly Mantis
Sat, Feb 22, 1997
Mike inadvertently helps a group of bomb-worshiping mutants destroy Earth with a thermonuclear device, but even this sort of drastic action doesn't save the gang from having to watch "The Deadly Mantis (1957)."
Episode 5
The Thing That Couldn't Die
Sat, Mar 1, 1997
Despite being possessed of all the knowledge in the Universe, the omnipotent Observers insist on observing the reactions of Mike and the Bots to the dead-on-arrival "The Thing That Couldn't Die (1958)."
Episode 6
The Undead
Sat, Mar 8, 1997
A woman is given the chance to change her witchy past life in the Dark Ages through hypnosis. Meanwhile, Mike introduces the world to the SOL but has to go back (and back, and back) to the beginning explaining how it all happened until he gets lost in a philosophical brain freeze. Crow bites him back into reality just before the Observers present them all with intelligence tests, none of whom but Tom show any promise with. Based on his nearly perfect test results, Tom tries to pass himself off as an Observer but they become suspicious when he claims to have filled out a nonexistent application (that and the fact that he's passing off an olive as his brain). Lydia from the movie visits the SOL by accident and tries to take over the place anyway, but it seems she can't control her magic as well as she claims to. Upon hearing Diggor Smolken, the singing gravedigger in the movie, Mike digs out Smolken's cover album he bought once on a whim and plays some samples of it for the Bots, who they don't appear surprised by Smolken's placing of words in the songs. In the end, while Crow impersonates the imp from the movie, Tom has Mike dress up as Leonard Maltin and issue a public apology for giving the movie three stars in his movie guide. Down on the planet, Prof. Bobo goes and unintentionally makes himself a brain sandwich for a midnight snack. When he learns of his mistake, he decides masking tape and mayo are all he needs to put the brain back together.
Episode 7
Terror from the Year 5000
Sat, Mar 15, 1997
In a Florida laboratory, scientists make contact with beings from the year 5000 only to find that their call for help doesn't come without a price. Meanwhile, Tom becomes infatuated with the concept of comfort rating and rates the temperature comfort of everything on the SOL with no basis behind his ratings. On the Observer's planet, they've lost patience with Pearl and Prof. Bobo and force them to fight to the death before they're dissected, but Mike and the Bots are harder to persuade since they don't typically fight. While Pearl and Prof. Bobo continue their battle, the Observers demonstrate the concept of their revolutionary food pills, which really aren't as revolutionary as expected. Later on, Mike has the Nanites build a time machine for Crow to use to inform his family of his situation, but Crow uses it instead of get cozy with Mike's girlfriend Ginger. Then, the Observers sing a soothing lounge melody in response to the SOL's impersonation of Jimmy Rogers. In the end, Crow brags about his Lady's Man lifestyle until Mike doops him into going on a date with the Terror from the Year 5000. Pearl emerges victorious over Prof. Bobo but refuses to kill him as she claims it is a violation of basic humanity. She forgets that Prof. Bobo isn't human though.
Episode 8
The She-Creature
Sat, Apr 5, 1997
Pearl and Bobo plot their escape from the Observers' planet while the SOL crew is subjected to a dark, dreary tale of hypnotism, murder, and chesty amphibians.
Episode 9
I Was a Teenage Werewolf
Sat, Apr 19, 1997
In this cult classic B-rated horror movie, Michael Landon terrorizes his high school with his short temper while turning into a werewolf on the side. Meanwhile, after Mike is voted out of (and then back into) command of the SOL, Pearl and her growing posse of minions decide to go camping on a mysterious new planet. She leaves the Satellite on auxiliary power in the mean time, which allows a hostile alien to infiltrate the ship and lay eggs in Tom's chest. Crow tries to use a proximity detector to find the alien, which fails when he discovers he has it on the wrong setting and then Tom goes hunting for it commando style until his fears get the best of him and he breaks down crying. The alien has been busy while Mike and the Bots were in the theater, so busy that she's managed to lay other eggs all over the Bridge, which they try to get rid of by making omelets from them. The alien appears to be getting the upper hand of the SOL until Mike falls back on the absolute last resort no one should ever use unless at the utter most end of the world - impersonating Adam Duritz. Pearl and her goons mock the SOL crew for being so afraid until Pearl scares Prof. Bobo and Observer with scary campfire stories that hit too close to home.
Episode 10
The Giant Spider Invasion
Sat, May 31, 199792 mins
Mike and the 'bots suffer through The Giant Spider Invasion (1975), featuring the TV has-beens, Alan Hale Jr. and Barbara Hale. Set in Mike's home state of Wisconsin, the movie also gives them a red-bearded redneck wearing red long underwear and a back brace; a giant spider that looks like a black car with eight legs; outer-space coconuts, each with diamonds and a spider inside; and more. Meanwhile, Pearl and her two underlings go camping and find "zucchini throw pillows" that are really alien pods out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978). Tom Servo dresses as a cheerleader, but fails to inspire any "spee-rit!" Later, a duplicate Tom Servo shows up.
Episode 11
Parts: The Clonus Horror
Sat, Jun 7, 1997
Clones are raised on a college campus to be prepped for freezing and organ harvesting for VIPs until one escapes and spreads the news. Meanwhile, on the SOL, Mike tries growing a mustache and the Bots are supportive, at first. Down on the camping planet, Pearl and her followers are approached by Buddy, Scooter and Doreen, a trio of omnipotent Space Children who've run away from home. Forced into babysitting as opposed to being forced to beat themselves up, Observer and Bobo try to distract the kids with junk food and other such vices until Pearl pleas for Mike's help. Mike's help comes in the form of an educational program brought to us by "A" and "3," which mesmerizes the kids until the fun escalates into a full blown Spanish fiesta. Still bored, the kids decide to ask "the Big Question" because they apparently don't get the Spice Channel at home. Later, after Crow gets a nose job based on the heroine from the movie, the kids have finally nodded off to sleep. Tom decides to help by offering a soothing lullaby, though the music isn't exactly in tune with the words.
Episode 12
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
Sat, Jun 14, 199793 mins
Mike and the 'bots sit through The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964), a horrible horror film featuring bargain basement musical numbers, an unintelligible soundtrack, a ferret-faced leading man, a gypsy fortune teller with a huge mole, and a guy who talks like Latka Gravas from Taxi (1978). Meanwhile, Crow and Servo hit up Mike for the Walk-A-Thon. Pearl takes a trio of preternatural kids back to their omnipotent parents. Professor Bobo and Observer talk to Mike via a CNN-like live broadcast. Crow uses Servo as a crystal ball to scam Mike out of fifty cents. Mike and the 'bots get new 'dos. Crow hires Ortega from the film to cater Servo's First Communion. Crow and Servo build a roller coaster for Mike.
Episode 13
Jack Frost
Sat, Jul 12, 199793 mins
Mike and the 'bots get terminal enchantment from Frosty (1965), a dimwitted Russo-Finnish children's film featuring an old elf with a mushroom on his head, a witch whose answer to everything is sitting on a shovel, and the magical title character who has the power to reverse film. Meanwhile, Michael Nelson is Lord of the Dance. Professor Bobo and Observer fight over who is in charge. Observer discovers that even without a body, he smells bad. Crow hires Yakof Smirnoff and a guy named Earl Torgeson to lecture about the film. Crow becomes a bear. Servo puts on a babushka in a hopeless attempt to be adorable. Pearl nominates Dunston Checks In (1996) as the greatest ape movie ever.
Episode 14
Riding with Death
Sat, Jul 19, 1997
While Mike pursues an unsuccessful career as a Teppanyaki chef, Pearl and her underlings are engaged in warfare against an army of renegade robots. Mike offers air support with a bomb made from vinegar and baking soda but accidentally packs it with enough baking soda to destroy the camping planet. During the movie, Servo sings a song about the 70's (not the 1970's, just the 70's) before trying out a life as a trucker. Meanwhile, while Crow transforms himself into Turkey Volume Guessing Man and Mike and the bots try reenacting the movie to figure out just what was going on, Pearl is glorified with an award ceremony for her part in the war but with a disastrous finale.
Episode 15
Agent for H.A.R.M.
Sat, Aug 2, 199791 mins
While trying to be extreme for the bots, Mike is put on trial for his unintentional planet-killing spree. Through every fault of his own, Mike chooses Prof. Bobo for his defense attorney and Pearl as his prosecutor. The bots offer him video depositions, which only makes Mike look guiltier, and the Observer and Ortega give their own testimonies. In the end, Mike can only hope to throw himself on the mercy of the court, or at least what little mercy the court actually has for him.
Episode 16
Prince of Space
Sat, Aug 16, 199792 mins
An Evel Knievel looking space hero battles aliens from the planet Krankor in order to keep them from getting gas on Earth. Outside the theater, Crow and Tom play "Dog and Bear" until Mike intervenes when things get out of hand. Pearl pulls the Widowmaker over to let Prof. Bobo "go" but he's self-conscious about who sees him "going" so he climbs into a wormhole for privacy. Pearl decides to go after him despite Observer's objections to make sure that Prof. Bobo doesn't mess up the current time-line and she drags the SOL along with her, literally. The wormhole has unexpected effects on the Satellite though, such as knocking time off sync for everyone. It continues to have unforeseen effects by turning Mike into a puny little robot, a robot Crow and Tom find hilariously cute. It later sends them into a sylvan glen, which gives Tom hay fever. Finally out of the wormhole, the crew think everything is back to normal until Krankor visits the SOL and quickly wears out his welcome. Pearl and Observer search for Prof. Bobo only to find that they've ended up in Ancient Rome. It's obvious too that they're not welcome by everyone.
Episode 17
The Horror of Party Beach
Sat, Sep 6, 1997
Pearl and Observer are in Ancient Rome pretending to be gods as Mike and the Bots watch "The Horror of Party Beach (1964)."
Episode 18
Devil Doll
Sat, Oct 4, 199793 mins
A performer transfers human souls into ventriloquist dummies and exploits them for immense profit before one of them decides to revolt. Meanwhile, Tom and Crow throw a college dorm blow out party but their budget only permitted them to purchase a window for the speakers. To welcome Pearl and Observer, the Ancient Romans throw a not so exciting Welcome Gods party, which can only be livened up with pants. Pitch the devil comes back to the SOL to sell devil dolls to Crow but Mike disapproves despite Crow's interest in serving the Dark One. Crow and Tom then open a British pub on the Satellite complete with very strong, very "very" stout British beer. Pitch comes back to sell Crow the ability to transfer souls and he transfers Tom's soul to a second rate dummy before Tom transfers his own soul into a Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. Mike, of course, does not approve. Then, in an effort to please the Dark One, Crow dresses Mike as Hugo the Devil Doll and builds a cage around him while he's taking a nap and Tom is his scantily dressed butt bearing assistant. Mike still does not approve, which doesn't impact Pearl and Observer as they partake in Lesser God Day at the Colosseum. They watch the Romans' Mad Goth kill lions only to realize that the Mad Goth is actually Prof. Bobo.
Episode 19
Invasion of the Neptune Men
Sat, Oct 11, 1997
The Satellite of Love crew discovers just how boring an alien attack on Tokyo can be when they watch "Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961)," an anti-vehicle for Shin'ichi Chiba.
Episode 20
Space Mutiny
Fri, Nov 7, 199792 mins
Mike and the 'bots learn the 80s were worse than they thought as they endure the putrid sci-fi epic, Space Mutiny (1988), which features bad continuity, ludicrous attempts at futuristic sets, a dull-witted blonde hunk, a Santa Claus lookalike with an elderly-looking "daughter," mystical women doing interpretive dances, Ed Grimley's doppelganger and more. Meanwhile, the 'bots complain about Mike's out-of-date encyclopedia set. Pearl and the others are trapped in a dungeon in Ancient Rome. The 'bots have a space battle in a couple of escape pods. Crow believes he's a Bellerian, i.e. a member of the race of women depicted in the movie. Servo constructs railings everywhere on the ship.
Episode 21
Time Chasers
Sat, Nov 22, 199791 mins
A man breaks the fourth dimension and sells his find to Bob Evil without thinking he'd have to go back in time to fix everything Bob Evil messes up. Meanwhile, the SOL is just driving about time and space until Mike utters the words "Lost in Space," which encourages Tom and Crow to act out dialogue inspired from the TV show. When Mike botches a parallel parking job with the Widowmaker, he and Pearl exchange an unlikely light hearted conversation into why she's so evil while Tom hogs the TV remote control on the Satellite. Later, in an effort to help Mike's lot in life, Crow uses their time machine to go back to Wisconsin in 1995 where Mike is working at a cheese factory and talk him out of getting into temp work later on. Mike's band becomes his all consuming desire and Crow goes back to the present to find Eddy, Mike's abusive older brother who fills Crow into Mike's new fate, which isn't pretty at all. Crow decides he has to go back in time to stop him from stopping Mike from following his dreams, The Bots try to convince Mike to say "Guilligan's Island," but he's not taking the bait. Mike and Pearl then exchange more light hearted conversation while enjoying Yoo-Hoos until Mike discovers there's a spare Crow still in Wisconsin in 1995.
Episode 22
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Sat, Dec 6, 199791 mins
Raul Julia is sentenced to a mandatory cyber vacation and gets trapped in it when things go wrong, like usual. On board the SOL, Crow reveals his catchphrase, "You Know You Want Me Baby!" and convinces Mike to try coming up with one with no positive results. Meanwhile, Pearl establishes Public Pearl, a public television service that offers so many Pearl-based programs such as "The Nature of Bobo" and "Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!" for anyone who pledges large amounts of money. Tom becomes infatuated with trying to get the tote bags she's also offering. The Bots like the monkey in the movie so much that they order one and name it Henry Kissinger (based on his scalp) but he breaks lose and starts throwing things at Mike. Pearl continues to introduce her Public Pearl programs, such as the touching love song, "Loving Lover's Love." Tom convinces Mike to dopple him down to the Nanite world for a few kicks, but Mike dopples him down smaller than he would've liked. In the end, Prof. Bobo tries to talk Henry out of throwing things at Mike but finds himself getting in on the fun. Pearl has to crush Tom's spirits by telling him that she's out of tote bags.