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Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 7 Episodes
Season 7 Episode Guide
24 Episodes 1994 - 1995
Episode 1
Girls Town
Sat, Jul 16, 1994
A promiscuous teen is framed for murder and then sent to a Catholic reform school in "Girls Town (1959)." Mike explains the honor system to the Bots and Tom scats until Mike and Crow can't take it anymore.
Episode 2
Invasion USA
Sat, Jul 23, 199492 mins
An upper-middle class family teaches Mike and the Bots how to be incredibly bland and boring in A Date with Your Family (1950). Later, a group of barflies must figure out what to do when the Soviets attack the U.S. in Invasion USA (1952). Mike and the Bots have a dinner party inspired by the short and get a visit from "Bob the A-Bomb" on the Hexfield.
Episode 3
The Dead Talk Back
Sat, Jul 30, 1994
To help solve a murder case, the police are forced to resort to a lonely meta-physicist working out of a basement, but not before we all learn about the importance of retail refrigeration from Anheuser Busch. Onboard the SOL, Gypsy runs the crew through a fire drill only to suggest disastrous results should a real fire occur. Dr. Forrester then presents his method of Pin Point Marketing and uses Nelson brand cigarettes as an example, but Mike's not biting. Crow and Tom then set up a radio talk show for taking calls from the dead and a dubious Mike is shocked by the callers' identities. Inspired by the title, the SOL crew impersonates the Grateful Dead. Crow takes his role as Jerry Garcia a bit too literally when he breaks into a guitar solo that lasts into the next movie break when the Mads want to interrogate the crew until Frank confesses to everything Crow's still jamming while Mike reads a letter and Gypsy retries the fire drill. Meanwhile, Dr. Forrester tests his abilities with a crossbow while Frank holds out an apple as a target. In the end, it seems that Dr. Forrester wasn't really aiming for the apple.
Episode 4
Zombie Nightmare
Thu, Nov 24, 199493 mins
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank fool around with voodoo as Mike and the Bots make several "Batman (1966)" jokes in order to endure "Zombie Nightmare (1987)" with Adam West.
Episode 5
Colossus and the Headhunters
Sat, Aug 20, 1994
Mike and the Bots try to make sense of Colossus and the Headhunters (1963) in which a man named Maciste tries to lead his people from a destroyed island to a land of other tribes. Meanwhile, Dr. Forester invents the world's cutest pet called Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter. Mike and the Bots are forced to take care of Nummy despite Frank wanting to keep him.
Episode 6
The Creeping Terror
Sat, Sep 17, 199492 mins
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank do their laundry as they force Mike and company to watch The Creeping Terror (1964), a jaw-droppingly bad horror flick about a space alien that looks like a large carpet with people under it. Mike and the 'bots survive the schlock by mocking everything from the ponderous and unnecessary narrator to the pointless scene of a mother taking her baby's temperature. Meanwhile, Tom Servo pretends to be a security guard impeding Mike Nelson's way around the Satellite of Love. Crow makes a flag for the ship. Gypsy suggests a parody of the TV series, Love, American Style (1969). Mike plays "Creeping Terror" music on his makeshift stereo system. Tom Servo willingly finds out what it's like to get swallowed.
Episode 7
Bloodlust!
Sat, Sep 3, 199493 mins
A short depicts an overly excited pair of children visiting a glamorized portrayal of a dairy farm before the movie presents a gang of partying goof balls trapped on a homicidal hunter's island where they find themselves his next game. Meanwhile, Tom plays psychiatrist and has a rather unrevealing session with Crow. Things are tense down in Deep 13 as Dr. Forrester's deranged and neglectful mother comes for a visit and spends her time gossiping and catching up with Frank. Crow tries then to open a vegetable stand but Tom ruins it rather abruptly and the SOL crew then gather around for a good old fashioned (though rather chaotic) hoedown. Then, once Crow ruins a mystery murder dinner scenario, he and Tom become convinced that Mike has been plotting to hunt them down and kill them from day one. They take the initiative and trap Mike in a net until he promises not to kill them, a promise he can't make. In the end, Dr. Forrester prepares a lovely dinner for his mother but she and Frank have other plans, plans that don't involve him.
Episode 8
Code Name: Diamond Head
Sat, Oct 1, 199493 mins
A down-home country family eat apple pie and raise championship pigs during A Day at the Fair (1947). In the failed television pilot turned movie Code Name: Diamond Head (1977), an undercover agent battles a villain in Hawaii. The Bots discover what it would be like to live with a Crash Test Dummy and the Frugal Gourmet.
Episode 9
The Skydivers
Sat, Aug 27, 199492 mins
Tom Servo puts on a planetarium show, but Crow ruins it with jokes about Uranus. Continuing the theme of adolescent behavior, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank challenge Mike and the 'bots to a swing choir contest. Guess which side cheats? Next, the villains of Deep 13 force Mike and company to watch the educational short film Why Study Industrial Arts? (1956) which uses wooden young actors to answer the title question in the most tedious and unpersuasive manner possible. The feature film is The Skydivers (1963), a Coleman Francis opus with a barely detectable plot about adultery, sabotage and long-delayed coffee drinking at a skydiving establishment. The trio suffers through bad continuity, incompetent editing, endless shots of falling skydivers, unappetizing louts in close ups, and the leading lady's helmet-like hairdo. Meanwhile, Crow discovers what a double jock-lock is, cuts himself in half and finds his car at the mercy of Tom Servo's fighter plane.
Episode 10
The Violent Years
Sat, Oct 8, 199493 mins
Preceded by a short showing the world of the '50's the wonders of electric appliances in what makes up a whole woman's world, The movie features Ed Wood's take on a spoiled rotten teenager's turn to a life of crime to get what she really wants... which isn't exactly figured out in the end. Meanwhile, between the movie, Servo traumatizes the SOL crew with a new ventriloquist's head before Mike rips it off, which only increases the trauma. Down in Deep 13, the Mads introduce their soft jazz theme song, which leads to creating their very own radio station - Frank! To cope with the movie any way he can, Tom reenacts a tearful scene from "A Star Is Born" with over-enthusiasm and then later, Crow writes a one man show about Keanu Reeves starring Mike Nelson. In the end, Crow and Mike reenact the gas station hold-up scene with the same inaction as in the movie, which leaves Tom and Gypsy plenty of time to read a graduation invite. Back in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and Frank are still urging everyone to turn their crank to Frank.
Episode 11
Last of the Wild Horses
Sat, Oct 15, 199493 mins
A cowboy winds up in the middle of a turf war between a rancher and his neighbors in Last of the Wild Horses (1948). An invention from the Mads goes awry and creates mirror versions of everyone on the SOL. The crew must battle the mirror versions of themselves while trying to withstand the movie.
Episode 12
The Starfighters
Sat, Oct 29, 199493 mins
The movie features jets, people flying them, people refueling them, people talking about them, and not much else. During the movie, Crow uses his present day state of the art computer technology to try accessing the Information Super Highway with only minimal success (if you can count being able to play Four Person Boogers successful). He uses his time on hold with tech support running through refueling drills with Tom and then at the half way point, they both decide to de"brief" Mike, which leaves him feeling free down in his nether regions. Later, the United Servo Academy Men's Chorus led by Vice Brigadere Sir Thomas "Bullhead" Servo presents their hymn about the concept of flight. Meanwhile, Mike introduces his new line of bold - and extra bold - Cowboy Mike's Red Hot Ricochet Barbecue Sauce against the Mads' cranial ports, which allows them to read each other's minds. It gets tricky when it comes to physically moving one other though.
Episode 13
The Sinister Urge
Sat, Nov 5, 199490 mins
A short demonstrates the step by step directions on how boys and girls can become obsessively compulsive bathers and later, the feature presentation depicts two elderly detectives cracking down on an underground porn ring linked to a series of murders. During this time, Gypsy is showered with gifts though the originality is lacking. Dr. Forrester then finds evidence that Frank might be thinking of blowing up Deep 13, a suspicion that's proved right when he's tied up and strapped with dynamite. Once a bomb is sent up to the SOL, the crew deduce that they need to find a way to stop Frank before they're stranded for good, a procedure they find harder than they thought when Crow's contacts on the street come up empty. With the help of Gypsy's use of metaphor, Mike settles on distracting Frank with potato cakes, a plan Dr. Forrester finds quite deviant for someone like Mike. Frank falls for the bait and Dr. Forrester evens things out by deep frying him.
Episode 14
San Francisco International
Sat, Nov 19, 199493 mins
Terrorists try to take over San Francisco International while a rather dimwitted boy steals a plane to get his divorced parents' attention. Meanwhile, Mike moderates a political debate between Tom and Crow, which actually portrays a rather accurate depiction of modern day politics. Down in Deep 13, the Mads think of ways to remodel their lair as manly construction workers, which inspires Mike to demonstrate the classic slapstick 2x4 routine to the Bots with devastating results. Mike then decides to relieve some of the tension around the SOL the only way he can - by impersonating Steve Urkle. It works better than he expected and soon has Crow, Tom and Gypsy laughing so hard they can't breathe even if they were capable of it. Dr. Forrester and Frank find it just as hilarious. Mike's Urkle impersonation lasts for three movie breaks with non-stop laughter from everyone, and that includes cameos from Jan in the Pan, Huggy Bear and Rooster, Santa Claus, Nuveena, and Pitch the devil. It shows no sign of lightening up, at least not until Torgo comes around and ruins everything. In the end, Mike and the Bots feel the movie conveyed one surefire thing - that David Hartman is an ugly, ugly man, a comment Dr. Forrester finds horribly offensive as his ears grow exponentially.
Episode 15
Kitten with a Whip
Wed, Nov 23, 199492 mins
A Senate candidate finds a seductive reform school dropout hiding in his home in "Kitten with a Whip (1964)." The crew throws a Mexican fiesta like the one in the film and chat with a real kitten with a whip on the Hexfield.
Episode 16
Racket Girls
Sat, Nov 26, 199493 mins
Mike and the Bots go boing watching the short "Are You Ready for Marriage? (1950)" and "Racket Girls (1951)" as the feature film. Meanwhile, Tom Servo and Crow prepare to be married.
Episode 17
The Sword and the Dragon
Sat, Dec 3, 1994
A Russian hero plots an invasion against the Mongols in "The Sword and the Dragon (1956)." Mike and the Bots create their own topical comedy show, reenact the table cloth scene from the movie, and try their hand at playing "Dungeons and Dragons."
Episode 18
High School Big Shot
Sat, Dec 10, 199492 mins
Mike and the Bots scratch their heads in confusion as an angel and a devil wage a bet about the morals of bread truck drivers in Out of This World (1954). Then the crew fights lapsing into a depression while watching the incredibly dour High School Big Shot (1959) in which a high school loser takes part in a heist to impress an attractive but dimwitted classmate.
Episode 19
Red Zone Cuba
Sat, Dec 17, 199493 mins
Mike and the Bots take on Coleman Francis' mise-en-scène epic, "Red Zone Cuba (1966)." This true tour-de-force of ineptitude combines two vagrant day-labourers, an escaped convict (played by Coleman Francis), Cuba, uranium, and frogs legs.
Episode 20
Danger!! Death Ray
Sat, Jan 7, 1995
Danger!! Death Ray (1967) features a slick secret agent investigating an evil organization that stole a top secret death ray. Tom makes his own death ray for peaceful use but caves in to the pressure to use it on Crow. Later, the Bots stage an episode of "This is your life" for Mike and Crow shows off his sunglasses designs.
Episode 21
The Beast of Yucca Flats
Sat, Jan 14, 199593 mins
Mike and the bots decide to try redecorating the SOL with new wallpaper, but it doesn't seem to match up. Meanwhile, the Mads declare the SOL is part of the Counter Culture and sends the movie as what they call Proposition: Deep 13, a political movement Mike is elected to repel until they lose hope at the news that it's another movie by Coleman Francis. During the movie, their quiet afternoon is interrupted by a trailer of space fairing partying college co-eds and Crow's obsession with his 11:30 lunch time begins to annoy Mike. After enduring so much of the movie, Crow establishes FAPS - the Film Anti-Preservation Society and urges every person everywhere to destroy bad movies wherever they might find it, a movement Mike is against for morale issues despite Crow's indifference. Upon the movie's completion, Mike and the bots emerge from the theater victorious having tamed the movie and Dr. Forrester copes with it by slapping Frank all through to the end of the credits.
Episode 22
Angels Revenge
Sat, Mar 11, 199592 mins
Greydon Clark provides the movie, which features a brigade of scantily clad vigilantes (and one underage brat) fighting against a local drug syndicate providing narcotics for school kids. In between the movie, Crow feels he might have amnesia but finds out it's actually Ambrosia when Mike whacks him with a wooden mallet. Down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank fight bad ratings by dressing as their favorite '70's relief pitchers and turns Mike and the bots into the cast of "Renegade." Later, Crow rewrites Earth VS. Soup into a more jivey upbeat '70's environment but Gypsy gets mad because she doesn't have any lines. In the end, after Mike impersonate's Fonzy and Aaron Spelling's house eclipses the SOL, Crow and Tom introduce the Shame-o-meter to measure the shameful performances provided by Jim Backus before it's short circuited by the shameful appearance of the Mads dressing up as Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King to make up for their previous costumes.
Episode 23
The Amazing Transparent Man
Sat, Mar 18, 1995
A minister encourages railroad workers to stop getting brutally injured on the job in The Days of Our Years (1955). During the feature film The Amazing Transparent Man (1960), a mad scientist makes an escaped criminal invisible so he can steal radioactive supplies but the crook would rather rob banks with his power of invisibility. In Deep 13, Frank opens a bed and breakfast and Dr. Forester demands that Mike and the Bots help in his endeavor.
Episode 24
Samson vs. the Vampire Women
Sat, Mar 25, 1995
Mexico puts cinema in a headlock with Santo vs. the Vampire Women (1962). The English-dubbed wrestling/horror flick features a beefy freak in a cape and a silver mask, women who drink blood to improve their rotting complexions, a concerned father who asks people for help and spurns their help at the same time, and more. Meanwhile, Servo shouts excitedly through a moment of silence. Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank order Chinese. Mike and Servo play Stratego. A familiar man in white beckons TV's Frank to the Land of Second Bananas. Dr. Forrester sings "Who Will I Kill?" Everyone says goodbye to TV's Frank.
