Married to the Kellys Season 1 Episodes

Episode 1

Pilot

Fri, Oct 3, 2003

Tom Warner, a bright but somewhat lazy young New York author who has just tasted success with one bestselling book, gives in to his wife's homesick pleading: they move to her native Kansas, close to her parents' home. Soon the big-city individualist finds that his anonymous life is turned upside-down as they spend more time at his in-laws' (her parents, siblings, and others) and obligatory local community events than in their own home or alone, and the old-fashioned social pressure is quite alarming for a Big-Apple free spirit.

Episode 2

Barbecue

Fri, Oct 10, 200330 mins

Episode 3

Lewis May Have a Girlfriend

Fri, Oct 17, 2003

Episode 4

Corrupting Chris

Fri, Oct 24, 2003

Susan is sick and tired of hearing about how perfect her sister Mary's husband Chris is--slavishly house-trained, in fact--while her unemployed Tom is most inventive at finding ways to get out of doing chores. So Tom decides to get the inconvenient "good example" Chris to become less helpful and spend time drinking. It works like a charm, but to Tom's horror Mary finds that Chris being in the doghouse makes him sexy, so he stops helping out, and the Kelly parents expect Tom to take over.

Episode 5

Tom Makes a Friend

Fri, Oct 31, 2003

Tom finds that an obnoxious customer in the deli is a fellow New-Yorker-married-into-Kansas, Bob Lydecker, and even Susan is actually delighted to have another city couple to double-date with--until she meets them and finds out that Bob's wife is Trish Arnold, a high-school classmate who had torn up Mary's school-president campaign posters, leading to a fight for which Susan was suspended. Susan's attempt to lay a guilt-trip on Tom doesn't stop him from accepting Bob's invitation to watch a sporting event at his company's VIP box--until the incident between their wives, which Mary mentions at home, is mentioned.

Episode 6

Awkward Silence

Fri, Nov 7, 2003

Tom learns he's not the only one wrestling with the obligation of countless traditions: Everyone pretends to like Sandy's family-recipe ham balls, but even Susan would eat anything at home to get rid of the taste. As always it's worse for Chris; Mary isn't content to drag him to the annual Lithuanian folk dance, because of her rivalry with Bonnie McClintock she's determined to erase the memory of his one step wrong last year by flat-out winning. Tom worries that he has nothing to talk about with Bill, so he's eager to fill in for Chris at Bill's office softball team. It's a big hit--on Bill's ankle. So Tom stays home with Bill while everyone else sees Lewis have a ball as MC while Mary drives Chris crazy, but is satisfied when Bonnie slips on a dried fish. Back home Tom discovers that Bill only pretended to be badly hurt so he could avoid the Lithuanian drag.

Episode 7

The New Car

Fri, Nov 14, 2003

Susan assures Tom he shouldn't feel manipulated by her family just because every choice he makes seems to make them jump to conclusions, e.g. after he didn't eat a whole giant T-bone, Sandy makes chicken "because Tom doesn't like steak". When they decide to buy a new car, everyone has suggestions, but Susan tells Tom to make his own choice. Once they bring home the car they both like, everyone inspects it except Lewis, whose only question about any car is whether he fits in the trunk. However, Sandy quickly jumps to an exceptionally serious conclusion: Tom bought a two-seater, so he doesn't want kids. The others, even Susan, are inclined to believe her.

Episode 8

The Apartment

Fri, Nov 21, 2003

When Lewis picks up and opens some of Tom's mail, it's obvious even to him that Tom still has his New York apartment. He agrees not to tell, but when he takes off to it just before Thanksgiving, the family finds out and drags him home. Tom invites him to take a "vacation" on his couch there, but gets anxiety attacks from Susan's whining about him needing psychological backup and not wanting to live in Kansas and cancels his lease. Lewis tries to cheer him up by visiting "awesome" Kansas spots such as the World's Largest Barn, but it only makes Lewis happy as he finally gets to cross the county border. The Kellys finally help Tom by changing the traditional Thanksgiving to a celebration of New York's five boroughs.

Episode 9

Susan's Secret

Fri, Nov 28, 2003

Each year, Mary makes Chris' official birthday-presents list--and, as Tom suspects, leaves out the best gifts for herself, so he ignores the list and gives a more original gift. At the party, Tom's New York stories are a great success, but when he adds to the way he got his scar that Susan has a tattoo at the same spot, this proves to be one of Susan's best-kept secrets, especially shocking to her mother. The tempting idea of coming clean with the truth tricks several other Kellys into confessions that they soon regret.

Episode 10

A Kelly Carol

Fri, Dec 12, 2003

Christmas at the Kellys' is a communal series of traditions, so half-Jewish Tom can forget about anything of his own, even watching "A Christmas Carol" on TV at home. The family is devoted, with a budget doubled since last year, to finally making the local top 10 of Christmas-decorated homes, and since Sandy faces the first Christmas after her mother's death, Mary takes charge in penal-camp drill-style of operation, taking over every single imaginable task, while Lewis concentrates on strewing the crèche figures in the wackiest places. When they're all finally off to Mass, Tom sneaks into "Father Christmas' chair" to watch his movie, but this overloads the electricity, so even with Chris' expert help he struggles to repair it before the judges arrive; then he discovers Sandy's mother-daughter shopping tradition.

Episode 11

Tom Doesn't Get It

Fri, Jan 9, 2004

Episode 12

Whose Pants Are Smarter?

Fri, Jan 23, 2004

Episode 13

The Contractor

Fri, Jan 30, 2004

When Tom decides he needs his own room to write and be himself in, Susan decides to give the job to Mike Evans, a locally very popular former classmate, once believed the most promising of his year. Unfortunately he turns out to be the worst contractor in the business, not even licensed... Stay tuned for a few more surprising twists.

Episode 14

A Portrait of Susan

Fri, Feb 13, 2004

When Tom consults young doctor Jim Coglan, he's a little worried about how eagerly he's told to drop trou, how eagerly he's gripped in his intimate region, but when the MD visits the Kelly home, being another local acquaintance, it turns out that he only dated his now-fiancée Trudy because she was the next best thing to Susan, who was apparently his only love. He even dumps Trudy for Susan on the spot. Tom soon discovers that the man's intentions are even more twisted--but still innocent.

Episode 15

Lewis Turns Twenty-Fun

Fri, Feb 20, 2004

Susan spends too much time and (his) money at the mall for Tom's taste, so he he tells her she has way too much spare time, and to his surprise she decides to look for a job. For Lewis' 21st birthday, the Kellys plan the usual kids' party at the pizzeria; Mary has coined and even registered the term "twenty-fun". Tom convinces Chris that even Lewis must be ready for a more-manly celebration at 21, so they first plan a (more frat-style?) evening at a bar. Mary is green with envy when Susan lands the only job she was ever fired from: hostess; it's at Mario's restaurant, so the Kellys reserve a table for Lewis' birthday party there. Unfortunately, the drinks binge turns out dry (Lewis, still a few hours underage, is thrown out of the bar) and painful (he gets into accidents that send him to the ER twice). Finally at the restaurant, another family tradition, Sandy's home-baked birthday cake in the form of a bug goes against the restaurant's policy of forbidding brought-along food, which tests Susan's loyalty: her family or her new employer?

Episode 16

Double Dating

Fri, Feb 27, 2004

When Tom finally finds a male friend in Kansas, and they talk sports and other guy stuff in a bar all night instead of Kelly subjects such as food, Susan gets enough of a taste of his conversational boredom to realize that he needs a friend, but so she isn't left out, they decide to fix Bob up with one of her female friends so that they can double-date. Mary and Chris host a fancy dress-up "Oscar night" by the TV, but Sandy is worried when Lewis finds money in his tuxedo which he thinks someone gave him as a present at Mary's wedding. On the Oscar evening Susan's attempt to match Bob with her school friend Julie is as subtle as a hurricane, and Mary introduces Bob to Justine, a divorce-gloomy super-nag. Lewis discovers via Mary's wedding pictures that the money should have gone to pay the priest. When the couples double-date, Bob and Justine have a surprising announcement.

Episode 17

Chris and Mary Fight

Fri, Mar 5, 2004

As Tom is quite happy constantly bickering with Susan like lovers only allow each other, he secretively encourages his docile brother-in-law Chris to stand his ground for once against his ever-bossy wife Mary--which leads to the first-ever break-up lasting over three hours, just when the Kelly parents plan a "perfect" dinner for Lewis' first potentially-serious girlfriend. Mary stays at Tom and Susan's and overcomes Tom's initial aversion by showing how much better at housework she is than he and Susan thought possible--and waiting on him like she had waited on Chris. Will these role reversals keep satisfying everyone?

Episode 18

Talk Radio

Fri, Mar 12, 2004

Tom is delighted to be assigned to write an article for a New York paper, but when the Kellys find out, they not only expect him to mention them, but Mary arranges--behind his back--an interview for him on a popular talk-radio show. The presenter, a frustrated would-be author, tricks Tom into insulting Kansas and all Kansans, so the whole family is shunned just when Bill hoped to become treasurer of his club. Meanwhile, Sandy tells Lewis that now that he's 21 he should start buying things himself, but he tricks Susan into doing it (from Tom's wallet) by appealing to her maternal and shopping instincts.

Episode 19

The Other Sister

Fri, Mar 19, 2004

When Susan and Mary's younger sister Lisa returns home from classes in London, "baby girl" is welcomed home, but she has grown up and wants to accept an invitation to join friends on a sight-seeing trip through Europe and study art history instead of nursing and commuting to nursing school with the car her parents have ready for her. Despite Chris' warning that in-laws like them have no real vote in family affairs, Tom tries to enlist everyone to encourage Lisa to stand up for her dream against her parents' expectations.

Episode 20

The Plan

Fri, Mar 26, 2004

Tom and Susan ponder what to do with his tax refund. Lewis's sleeping is so excessive that even his parents feel it's time to force him to get active by charging rent. He immediately announces to move out; when Sandy puts Sam in the doghouse for the idea, Lewis decides to milk him big-time to agreeing to stay. Chris waited a month before telling Mary that her master-plan for their entire lives is down the drain because he lost his job; Mary is a raging wreck for days. Susan starts her own plan and economizing. Tom convinces Chris to admit he doesn't want to stay in computers, but what then? Tom makes Susan give up the plan in exchange for diamond earrings. Chris decides to get no job, but to buy, fix up, and sell houses instead. Then he's offered his old job back, to Mary's delight.

Episode 21

The Good Son-in-Law

Fri, Apr 16, 2004

When Tom's symbol is eliminated from the doghouse system for being the only repeat offender ever, he decides to ingratiate himself again. First he agrees to loan Chris $10,000 for his first house fix/resale project, but when Susan accepts Mary's condition not to tell the family, he needs an alternative and decides to pretend he will ghost-write sports hero Tony Gonzalez' book just to impress everyone. Chris is delighted to be the boss for once, but soon discovers that the family volunteers completely ignore his precise instructions. Tom's Plan B collapses as his lies become known, but so does the truth.

Episode 22

Kansas v. Tom's Parents

Fri, Apr 23, 2004

At his retirement party, Tom's father states that it's about time for Tom to move back to New York now that he's been offered a job and a relative's prestigious flat is about to be available, but Susan decides to convince them that it's unnecessary by inviting (well, ordering) them to attend her parents' wedding-anniversary party at "Horace", the house Chris bought and fixed up but isn't emotionally ready to part with it. As Lewis doesn't know how to tell his parents that he wants to move in with his girlfriend, he just empties out the contents of his room piece by piece. Yet Tom is not at ease with his folks' arrival, realizing that they'll see how much warmer the Kelly family is that their family ever was.