[Warning: The following contains spoilers for the latest episode of The Masked Singer.]
Aiight fam: you've seen Terry Bradshaw peel off a leather murdery mask; you've seen a unicorn turn into a reality show star; you've seen Nick Cannon's many dazzling outfits. Just six creatures left on The Masked Singerremain, and if your friends and family haven't disowned you out of shame for continuing to watch and talk about this show yet, you might as well ride this out until the end. So let's go!
Nick Cannon started the night slapping audiences across the face with the potent glamour from another of his eye-popping outfits, this time a jacket that is as shiny and exciting as Christmas wrapping paper or maybe the packaging on a very nice bottle of wine. If you thought Nick would stop at a hypnotic jacket, go waterboard yourself because you are dumb! No, Nick, as only Nick can, topped his ensemble with another of his oh-so-seductive turbans, this one a jazzy gold number that felt like an homage to legendary opera diva Leontyne Price (for Black History Month?) as well as the newly released trailer for Aladdin at the same time.
Monster, who I'm still certain is T-Pain, went first, singing "I Love Rock 'n Roll" from Joan Jett & The Blackhearts. His package mentioned something about a good life -- an almost certain nod to that song he did with Kanye West -- and some other gibberish about being "all teed up" designed to make people think he was Tiger Woods or something. Robin Thicke, Nicole Scherzinger and Jenny McCarthy tossed out a bunch of ludicrous guesses, including Mike Tyson and In Living Color star Tommy Davidson, but come on. This is T-Pain.
Lion went on next, with a cute, noir-themed intro package that said a whole bunch of mumbo-jumbo but referenced "empire" -- another clue this is probably Rumer Willis. She sang Lady Gaga's "Diamond Heart" in such a way that might make Gaga herself jealous. Nicole said she heard a country bluegrass twang in her voice, prompting Nick to say "That's very smart." Please burn that into your memory because nobody is going to say that to Nicole again anytime soon. People guessed she might have been Mel B. or perhaps someone from Destiny's Child. Now, Beyonce obviously doesn't know this show, any of these people, the Fox network or even broadcast TV exists. But somewhere, Michelle from Destiny's Child is punching a wall preparing revenge on whoever said that, like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
Alien did her thing next. Her package totally tried to destroy the notion that she's La Toya Jackson, with nods to lawsuits and Malibu. Her hint mentioned she's a New York Times bestseller and, well, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but La Toya Jackson does have bestselling books, so who knows?
Bee did it next, once again referencing her long stature in the R&B game. She sang "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner, obliterating any lingering idea this could be her. We all know this is Gladys Knight by now, and she sounded... like Gladys Knight singing "What's Love Got to Do With It." Highlights from the guessing portion post-performance included guest J.B. Smoove wanting to see Bee's stinger for his freaky fantasies, and Ken recognizing that one of her clues was a reference to an Anita Baker song. Ken got soul, y'all!
Rabbit went next, doing a pretty dope pop-punk take on Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely." His package reinforced what we already knew -- he was in a boy band -- and his take on that classic affirmed that he's truly a top-notch performer. The panel, at this point apparently drunk on some fun drinks in sippy cups, threw out guesses, including J.C. Chasez, and Jenny kept the game of wondering if this was her own husband going.
Peacock went last, sounding a lot like Neil Patrick Harris, especially since he referenced being a kid star, doing award shows and magic, prompting Nicole to say, "Magic?" like her brain is on a 10-second delay. Mine too, girl. Mine too. Peacock sang "I Can't Feel My Face" from The Weeknd, strangely sounding not like Neil Patrick Harris. People guessed Donny Osmond and of course Neil Patrick Harris, and his clue that people tattooed his face on their body was of course no help at all. In the end, it was indeed Ms. Jackson, and how cute was she? She looked amazing, and like she was having a blast.