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The Bachelorette Entered the "Valley of Fire" on a Harsh 2-on-1

David and Jordan did the inevitable

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Liam Mathews

The Bachelorettedid what The Bachelorette does and sent two men into the Thunderdome that is a 2-on-1 date this week. And Becca made the right choice with David and Jordan. Two men enter, no men leave.

At the beginning of the episode, Colton predicted that the "inevitable" 2-on-1 date was going to happen in Las Vegas this week. Colton must be a fan of the show! He knows how it works.

And that date was inevitably going to be David and Jordan, who have been at each other all season. David couldn't stop poking at Jordan. "Are you going to wear your golden underpants?" he asked, calling back to Jordan's embarrassing wardrobe choice last week. David's single-minded fixation on antagonizing simple-minded Jordan is extremely unbecoming. People like David less than Jordan now.

Even more than just sending David home, though, people wanted them both gone.

Colton told David and Jordan that they're like rams butting heads, but if they keep acting like that tomorrow, "they're both going to fall off the mountain." Astute!

The date was in the desert in a place called the "Valley of Fire," which was hilariously on-point. They went out to a little canopy bed or something. Becca wanted them to "listen to the silence," a euphemism for "let's be quiet and not talk because every time you guys start flapping your gums I want to launch myself into the sun."

She took David aside first, and he immediately -- like within 20 seconds of sitting down -- David started talking about how Jordan constantly talked about other women and how he would be "settling" for Becca. This may get rid of Jordan, but badmouthing someone else is never a winning strategy. David will be gone soon, too.

"I exposed him for who he is as a golden underpants clown," David said, which isn't true. Jordan already exposed himself as a golden underpants clown.

Becca asked Jordan about David's comments, and Jordan denied them all. Which is probably true! Jordan is not so dumb and heartless as to say that he'd be settling for Becca. But Becca is clearly not into Jordan at all. Nothing he says -- not even his mother being mentally ill -- is going to change that. Not the time to pull the sympathy card, unfortunately. Even though it kinda worked on the viewers at home, and it bought him some time with Becca.

Jordan confronted David and called him a lot names, but the most vitriolic was "worse than Arie." David just sat there and smirked. What a bad guy. Becca wanted to know if Jordan really said he would be settling. She also said being caught up in this ridiculous drama made her feel like she was in 6th grade. Becca is at her best on this show when she's telling the guys what she really thinks of them.

But if you thought Jordan was getting cut first, you thought wrong! Becca said that Jordan made an attempt to open up, and for that reason she would be continuing the date with him, even though she was very unsure if she would be giving him a rose at the end.

Jordan was elated. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" he gloated. "To get buried in the f---ing desert."

The show did a really good job of turning David into a bad guy and turning Jordan into a...less bad guy. Kudos to the editors.

But their dinner was awkward. And Jordan started talking about modeling and hair care and going to the gym and stuff. But he showed a sense of humor about himself! Becca asked him if Zoolander was realistic, and he said "totally" and showed her his version of Blue Steel.

But no, Jordan was done. Becca did not give him the rose. However, he redeemed himself enough so that he'll be a welcome presence on Bachelor in Paradise. If he's grating, it'll be in a funny way.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.