The first hour of Monday's three-hour Bachelor extravaganza was the second half of the fantasy suite dates in Finland, which began last week with Raven. This week Rachel and Vanessa's each spent a night with Nick Viall, and then Rachel got sent home at the rose ceremony, which we knew was coming, since Rachel is the Bachelorette.
Next week is the finale, with Nick making his final choice between Raven the headstrong Southerner and Vanessa the headstrong Northerner. It's pretty clear who he's going to pick, right? I'm honestly pretty surprised that he chose Raven over Rachel this week, since I just don't see the same chemistry between Nick and Raven as I do between Nick and Rachel. I guess their relationship just doesn't play as well on camera.
Is that the Northern Lights I see? No, it's just awkward moments.
6. Rachel wearing a crop top in the snow
Rachel was not equipped for the cold. She didn't know what cross-country skiing was, and at one point on their date she had her coat open and she had on a shirt that showed her whole midriff. Any Finn can tell you that that's unwise. I was going to say that Rachel must not have much experience with the cold being from Texas, but then I remembered that she went to law school in Wisconsin. Even Rachel falls for "I have to look hot even though I'm freezing." There's no club you have to get into out in the woods, Rachel! The reindeer aren't impressed! She probably felt like Leo at the end of Titanic.
5. Rachel and Vanessa's chilly hug
When Rachel was saying her goodbyes after being eliminated, she and Raven embraced for a long time like they're really going to miss each other. There was no such moment with Vanessa. They just quickly, perfunctorily hugged like they were just doing it because they were expected to. There have been rumors that Vanessa and Rachel didn't get along but the conflict didn't make the show. This little moment made it look like there's some truth to that.
4. Raven's morning after
The episode opened with the resolution of a bit of a cliff-hanger from last week: it looks like Raven finally had an orgasm. "Nick is really good at what he does," she said, "so I'm pretty satisfied today." Then we were treated to a montage of Raven skipping around, high-fiving strangers, making snow angels and dancing around as a jaunty song played. It was way too much. Fun fact: that song is called "No Time for Lonely" and it's by a singer named Lolo, who you may remember from earlier this season when Nick and Rachel saw her perform in New Orleans. ABC is really trying to make Lolo happen.
3. If you love me so much then why don't you marry me?
Nick has been acting kind of strange during the last couple of eliminations. He keeps telling the eliminated woman how amazing she is and he has so much love for her and how much he'll miss her and how he hopes this isn't goodbye forever. He did it to Corinne at the last rose ceremony and he did it to Rachel this week. And I'm not the only person who has a problem with this: "It's hard to hear how great you are and how much love somebody has for you but then they still don't choose you," Rachel said in her limo exit interview. Rachel's takeaway seemed to be that she didn't do a good enough job making Nick fall in love with her, but she shouldn't think like that. Rachel's probably a perfectionist who's too hard on herself when things don't work out how she wanted. She did a great job, and she was rewarded with the Bachelorette gig.
2. Rachel's worst fears confirmed
Since we knew Rachel's elimination was coming, the actual moment wasn't the most awkward part. It was the date that led up to it that was painful to watch.
She told Nick that she was afraid of rejection. "We've been talking about reciprocity, the fact that I'm feeling a certain way and it's not reciprocated," she said. "That's my biggest fear." Later, she told him she loved him and he took her to the fantasy suite. "I feel loved," she said.
Watching all this knowing she was about to get eliminated was sad. She didn't know it was coming, because he didn't give an indication that it was coming. And we heard her say her biggest fear is getting rejected knowing that it's about to come true. It's pretty harsh. Nick was colder than a Finnish ice bath.
1. Wait, what?
There was a throwaway moment with Rachel where Nick made the weirdest comment we've ever heard him make on The Bachelor. "You're rare and refreshing. That's not normal," Rachel said to him, which is also a pretty weird thing to say, but whatever. Then Nick answered, "I might be white, but I'm still a minority." Um, Nick, my dude, I don't think you can say that. You could probably get away with it off-camera between friends if you have an understanding that you can make jokes like that, but in soundbite form it sounds both insensitive and conceited. In the whole context it's not that bad, but still, my guy, you gotta know better than to say stuff like that.
Are you ready for next week's finale, Monday, Mar. 13th at 8/7 on ABC?