Love Island USA Recap: America's Favorite Couple Is...

Each week, TV Guide is recapping CBS's Love Island USA -- the U.S. take on the U.K. reality show phenomenon. Join us as we break down all the drama between these sexy humans who "packed more abs than shirts" for Fiji, and check back every night for the latest updates.

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WEDNESDAY

Well, America. We did it. We fell in love with Love Island. Or fell in love enough to vote one couple the winner. Here's how the final episode of the summer CBS series went...

Much like how the show started, it began with a text. The islanders were invited to a Love Island Summer Soirée. If you don't know, a soirée is like a dance but nicer... according to Dylan. The women prepare by going "dress shopping," where they sit around in robes and drink champagne. (I thought that was a "spa day"?) Then they have to put their feelings to paper for later that evening. Emily says she wants to communicate with Weston that she's "in it for the long run"-- something that totally makes sense because they've known each other for a week.

Back at the villa, the guys have to write their proclamations of love and then pick out suits. It takes much less time.

After getting glammed up, the women come back one at a time. It's like that final moment in The Bachelor ... times four... and no one gets sent home. OR DO THEY!? (They don't.) The couples give their speeches to each other while their fellow islanders watch. Public speeches are so romantic, aren't they?

I'll be honest: I zoned out for much of these speeches, but I certainly perked up when Ray said this jaw-dropper to Caro: "I can't wait to hear that baby voice of yours."

Arielle shows up to tell them who America's favorite couple is. Coming in last place is Weston and Emily. No shock there. Third place is Ray and Caro. Alexandra and Dylan are runners-up, which means the winners of Love Island 2019 are... long pause... commercial break... another long pause... Zac and Elizabeth.

The two of them each get to select an envelope: one with money, one empty. Elizabeth opens up the envelope with $100,000. In a move that shocks no one, she decides to share it with Zac. As sweet as that was, I wish we had selected Weston and Emily to put their relationship to the test. There's always next year!

TUESDAY

The one-on-ones (sorry, wrong show) continue! Ray and Caro go on a romantic dinner date where they become boyfriend/girlfriend. Weston and Emily go on a poolside date where they eat a large cheese plate.

That evening things got "a little more romantic," to quote Emily. Zac and Elizabeth and Weston and Emily consummated their relationships. And immediately after, they get a text saying their families are coming. First up is Zac's mom and sister and Elizabeth's mom and sister. Their parents share the same wedding anniversaries. Apparently Zac's parents were married after knowing each other for three months, which makes Elizabeth's mom say, "Whoa, Zac! Slow down!"

Next up is Weston's dad and sister and Emily's best friend, who points out that she's been watching Weston go through a number of girls. Weston's dad is embarrassed that his son couldn't put together a shoe rack.

Dylan's parents come with "bagels" along with Alexandra's mom and best friend. And finally, Caro's best friend and Ray's parents join the villa. Ray's mom doesn't seem to be the biggest fan of Caro's. She says "that's serious" when Ray says he asked Caro to be his girlfriend. She tells Caro to her face that she was "all over the place" in the beginning and she didn't like how she said Anton was her type. You're not going to get anything by Ray's momma.

The final eight people head to bed and go to sleep for the last time. Now it's up to us, America. Get your votes in for your favorite couple and tune in tomorrow to see who's the big winner.

MONDAY

And we're back for the final three days of Love Island! In true reality love show style, they're going to drag out these final moments for as many hours as possible. Starting with rehashing the Weston/Kyra drama.

Following Weston's apology tour, Emily wants to hear how his conversation went. It definitely seems like Emily heard a different version of events, and when Weston tries to set her straight he just reveals more: He says that he couldn't pursue anything with Kyra until talking to his boy Cashel. Emily certainly hasn't heard this before. She gets a little angry and expresses it toward Weston by making him spoon with her that evening (as opposed to their normal sleeping situation, which I honestly don't want to know about).

The game of the day is a couple races. In the first, they have to put together a wooden shelf with only two hands. Kyra and Jered might not be a romantic match, but they work well together. They easily finish first. In the next, the women have to ice a cake with instructions from their partner while they're blindfolded and standing behind their backs. Alexandra and Dylan are the big winners there.

But enough with the games, Arielle is here to reveal who America has voted to be the Love Island finalists: Caro and Ray, Zac and Elizabeth, Dylan and Alexandra, and Emily and Weston. That means that Kyra and Jered are leaving the villa.

Before they go, Arielle asks what Kyra wants when she leaves. "The first thing I want to do when I get out of here is call him," she says. Just then, Arielle gets a text. It's for Kyra: It's a video from Cashel -- he's shirtless because of course he is. He says he can't wait for her to come back, and he feels the same.

When she's off the island, she gives him a call. She talks about how she'd like to see him when she's back in the States, but he sneaks up behind her. SURPRISE! He "flew back" (I find it more plausible that he never left the island, but sure.)

Back in the villa, Dylan gets a text telling them they're all finalists. They all get to go on final dates. First up are Dylan and Alexandra, who take a Bachelor-inspired helicopter ride. On a private island Dylan asks Alexandra if she'll be his girlfriend, and she says no. Just kidding -- but that would have been hilarious.

On Zac and Elizabeth's date, aboard a yacht, Zac says he's in love with her. Elizabeth tells him that in her family they squeeze their hands three times to signify that they love the other person. She's apparently been doing that to him for a while, but he didn't know the significance. I have to admit, that is pretty cute.

Tune in tomorrow when we get to see the remaining two dates. Call it a hunch, but I feel those two aren't going to be nearly as interesting...

Love Island USA airs week nights at 8/7c on CBS and CBS All Access.

(Disclosure: TV Guide is owned by CBS Interactive, a division of CBS Corporation.)