Dancing with the Starskicked off Disney Night with an unprecedented move: giving everyone who watched a free subscription to Disney+ and tickets to Disneyland! Just kidding. DWTS did the opposite of that, which is to say they made everyone who watched really, really want to sign up for Disney+, visit Disneyland, Disney World, or whatever Disney park is closest, and get cosmetic surgery to become a Disney character because how can you not want to live in this world? Everything was so bright, cheery, sequined, and happy it almost made you forget somebody was going to going to be sent home.
As Disney Weeks go, DWTS's contestants shook their booties to songs from Disney faves; here's how it turned out.
Sailor Brinkley-Cook and Val Chmerkovskiy
Whooshing across the floor to "A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from Cinderella,Sailor looked resplendent in a Tiffany blue gown made of fairy godmother burps. Clearly Sailor was into this, given how much she gushed about being a Cinderalla stan, but the performance was just okay. She didn't fall down or anything, and Bruno wasn't lying when he told her she was light, fluid, and elegant. But Val seemed to do a lot of the work in propping her up rather than her slaying it in her own right.
Karamo Brown and Jenna Johnson
Back from the bottom two, Karamo did a tribute to The Lion King with "I Just Can't Wait to Be King." He prefaced the dance with a super-sweet package celebrating his two sons. Well, if that was sweet, then his dance had enough sugar in it to power a birthday party for every kid in an elementary school. Karamo came out grinning like he was trying to stop Simba from eating him. He did a solid job, though Len noted that his footwork wasn't superb, and he seemed a little in his head; he later admitted that seeing his sons in the audience made him emotional. Aw!
Kate Flannery and Pasha Pashkov
Kate took on Mary Poppins with a routine to "A Spoonful of Sugar." Kate was better than average, an improvement over recent turns, but it was as close to really good jazz dancing as Kendall Roy is to really good rapping.
Sean Spicer and Lindsay Arnold
It's fitting that Sean's routine was an homage toToy Story, because he looked just like a plastic doll come to life marching around to "You've Got a Friend in Me." Technically, there wasn't much wrong with it, but Sean lacks the kind of fluidity it takes to make the dance look pretty, you know?.
Ally Brooke and Sasha Farber
Somebody came to dance! Ally's routine to "Beauty and the Beast" had passion, flair, and some mastery of form, especially when she stayed locked onto Sasha's neck as he executed a lengthy spin. Carrie Ann let a little shade slip when she said it's evident Ally hasn't had training, but she was right -- just as she was right when she said it's Ally's passion that shined through. She got the first 9s of the season.
Lauren Alaina and Gleb Savchenko
Save a few technical slips and something Len called "frippery" (what?), Lauren sailed through "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid smoothly, even if she was sometimes overshadowed by the professional dancers around her.
Kel Mitchell and Witney Carson
Kel looked so promising at the outset; "We're All in This Together" from High School Musical had the right level of energy and modern, urban flair that seemed perfectly suited for Kel, and yet... He looked good, but there were times during the routine Kel seemed to be looking at Witney for direction, and he still seems to lack confidence.
Hannah Brown and Alan Bersten
This was beautifully done. Gliding along to "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, Hannah looked like a dream, even though Len took issue with excessive swooshing. He took it out on her when it came time to score too, blocking Hannah's dream of getting all 9s with one 7 vote. Harsh, Len, harsh!
James Van Der Beek and Emma Slater
James put his thing down and reversed it in a show-stopping Pirates of the Caribbean tour de force. It was a dramatic, strong, bold, and powerful number, even if it was more about showmanship than proving he could dance. Nonetheless, he owned the floor and got his first 9s of the season.
In the end, Tom closed the show with a shocker: Everybody was safe from elimination! Nobody went home, because in Disney dreams nothing bad ever happens and you can stay forever... as long as you can keep swiping that card. Tune in next week when the competition goes back to the harsh reality of giving somebody the axe.
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.